Stories, Questions and Concerns Regarding Internet Infidelity

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Here are more questions and concerns from readers about internet cheating and infidelity. I’d appreciate your comments and opinions regarding the following scenarios (or your own scenario involving internet cheating). How would you answer these questions? Have you experienced internet infidelity? If so, how did you handle it? How do you feel about the internet, social networking and trust?

Facebook affair w/ old high school fling is exactly what my wife did. She was hooked before she knew what hit her. Her emotional affair eventually led to a physical affair even when I was aware of the emotional affair and attempting to save the marriage. We have been together 20 years, have 4 kids and both work full time. It has ruined our family. We are trying to reconcile but it’s been a month and I know she has stronger feelings for him than me (although I know it’s not real love). My question is: is there anything I can do to help her get over her feelings for the OP?
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I had an affair that started with an email from a first love in high school. 40 years later I met up with him and it was a pure hell experience. Wish I had seen that website that warns these kind of hookups are very unwise if married. We both were.
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My wife seems to have a compulsion for talking to guys while playing games. It always starts friendly then she ends up “falling in love.”
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What is an appropriate way to keep up with old friends from high school and college without creating a risky situation? How can my spouse and I communicate about internet usage to create a climate of trust? How can we be accountable to each other in using the internet?
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It’s desperate, mean, hateful, and cruel. Not only is the cheating spouse trying to hook up with someone sexually or other, but they are lying about everything and deceiving more people. Such insecure and childish behavior angers me.
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Why do we turn a “blind eye” to the obvious? I saw the Skype icon on my wife’s computer and didn’t even bother to check out what Skype was.

Please leave your comments and feedback below…

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity and Intimacy, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Infidelity Reasons, Internet Cheating, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Stories, Questions and Concerns Regarding Internet Infidelity

  1. Don Dressel says:

    My ex-wife went online and started talking to men
    She ended up losing 65 thousand dollars in a romance scam
    Then she started chatting with men everywhere
    It drove me nuts and she told all her friends I was crazy
    She was very mean to me and treated me badly
    Her sisters knew of the truth
    I couldn’t take it anymore
    I filed for divorce and in the process I lost everything
    My home 2 of my dogs and almost my sanity
    In the meanwhile I took care of my father who eventually passed away
    She ruined my life and now I’m trying to rebuild it
    After 24 years I couldn’t believe she would do this to me??!
    She even told me I was good to her but she said she changed
    Now she lives in another state and bought a new home while I have to live with my mom
    When I met her she had nothing and I sold my home so she could own one
    Now I have lost everything while she is in another relationship and has a new home
    She is very selfish and self-centered
    I keep asking why is life so unfair
    I use to buy her nice gifts flowers and nice cards
    She is 60 years old and I’m 59
    I keep myself in great shape as I go to the gym every day and work out

    • Corey says:

      I know it’s difficult but things will get better. Relationships founded on lies seldom last. Keep peace of mind in knowing that God will see you through and that things come full circle. You ex-wife will reap what she has sowed when she least expects it.

    • GY says:

      It is hard to face financial difficulties at 59. Please be kind to yourself, and take care of yourself. Take care of your biggest asset is which is YOU: your personality, your activities, your knowledge, your standards and character, your ability to care about others.
      That is one thing about you that will help healing over time and that will allow you to open yourself up to friendships and hopefully to bring good people into your life.
      ,

  2. Alfredo says:

    Wow. I thought I was the only one going through this… Hope you get better end deal than me because next week I’m asking for divorce and kicking her out of my house and my life. It’s been 2 years for me and she continues her affair that started by Facebook with old high school boyfriend. Excalared to physical quickly. He is a married guy and his wife remains unaware. I’m tired of bending over backwards to show her that I love her. I’m destroyed, my family is broken. I feel there is no hope for me or my family. All because she had to be that selfish. Funny she left me for a married guy who already told her he will not divorce. It’s time for me to figure a way to heal… Don’t do what I did . In mid depression I tried to commit suicide. Is not worth it.
    I will focus on keep been a good dad. They are heartbroken as well and I need to figure a way to help them heal.

    • Angela says:

      I feel so bad for you….I held a gun and two bottles of prescription pain meds in my hands November 8th, 2014 over my husband of 13 years, mate of 17, having a Twitter affair that she was planning to fly in and physically consummate. My teenage daughter discovered the initial emotional affair I didn’t even use Twitter. I was at that time the happiest I’d ever been. I quit my job to save the marriage onlu gor him to later be fired over the mess 6 months later.

      It’s been about 18 months and the trust is still not there and we struggle to rebuild. Trust me it’s NOT worth it to end your marriage over a girl who didn’t care when you told her what happened and it was all a game to her. Well it’s not to the wife I assure you. Sorry to see a fellow Chump has suffered.

      Best of luck to you. I don’t know if reconciliation even works it could be years before I’ll ever feel safe again to truly love someone who I once trusted.

  3. Bob Newhart says:

    My wife had an emotional affair with a long time internet friend, I knew it was a bad idea for them to chat, I told her as much, she assured me it was nothing.
    Then she told me she wanted a divorce because XYZ was wrong with me. She kept denying she was having an affair. All physical contact between us stopped, she started sleeping on the couch and staying up literally for 23hrs a day chatting with him via messenger.
    I started researching affairs, educating myself, started a path of self awareness, self improvement. Listening to podcasts on psychology and self improvement as well as relationships.
    He lives 4hrs away, no job, no car, lives in his grandparents basement. I ran a background check on him. Researched him. This is his MO, he chats with “lonely” women on line and then when he’s done with them he drops them like a hot potatoe.
    They fell apart just like I knew they would, 18-24mo is the normal time frame for an affair.
    I am continuing on my path of self improvement, relationship improvement and being a better husband even as she continues to reject me. We are closing in on three years since it all went south, but I am seeing changes in her, as she is figuring out her past, her present and her future.
    I know her better than she knows herself, I trust in the process, I trust in God. I know what I know, I can’t explain how I know it, but I do. She and I are going to be fine and we will have the best relationship ever once she is ready to recommit to us.

  4. Steve says:

    I’ve followed Bob’s recommendations and believe his material is absolute truth. While it hasn’t changed the facts of our marital dysfunction after a year and half; I’ve become stronger after pursuing a course to gain of understanding through reading and a LOT of prayer.

    It’s truly shocking that this happens more frequently than I first thought but it’s akin to porn. Once you open Pandora’s box; it’s very difficult to close but it’s not impossible. Not only have I become stronger but also a semblance of peace has returned during most occasions at my home. It’s not perfect but it’s significant progress from D-day.

    Follow the directions; hope for the best; pray and wait to see what results from the suggested actions and in-actions you effect. Time takes time but “charge neutral”. The more indifferent you become to the “distancing”; the more likely they’ll start pursing you. But that will ONLY be possible if you’re not bitter and resentful.

    Pursue you’re own life without any regrets.

    • Bob Newhart says:

      Exactly. That’s what I’ve been doing too. I do not engage in arguments. I say only positive or constructive things. I do not lash out at her, shame her or punish her in anyway.
      I say what I mean and mean what I say.
      I keep moving my life forward in positive ways, always thinking of how it might affect her and if it is good for the marriage or not.
      I always invite her along when I, or the kids and I, do something.
      I’m deliberate, predictable, and I do what I said I was going to do.
      It has made a difference.

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