The Power of Internet Cheating


Internet “cheating” is rampant. The tools are many and varied. The results are sometimes sad. I asked my readers to comment on their experience with internet cheating. Here are just a few of the responses:

My marriage fell victim to internet cheating. I think internet cheating is an easy way. You can say, be and do anything you want, your hiding yourself from the outside world, perhaps people who do it use it as a safety net. They can find someone that they click with and lay the groundwork for another relationship just in case the one they are supposed to be committed to doesn’t work out.
My wife started her affair via text messaging with a co worker. Then it moved to Facebook and email. Now it is a full physical affair and we are getting divorced. I monitored the affair through his and her texts and computer logger to know the truth. Took about 8 months to collapse our marriage.
How will I ever get over my husband’s internet cheating and how can I ever trust him again when he tells me it is over?
My husband used to look up high school friends, then called them to locate his old HS sweetheart. Hundreds of texts, hours of conversations in less than a month lead to them meeting in person – all of which was denied. Took him almost 2 yrs before admitting what he did was wrong (his 1st affair was 10 yrs before & found he’d been in email contact with her all those years too). He thinks because sex wasn’t involved (it was only kissing and touching) that it wasn’t the same. How can he lie to himself like that? He knew it was wrong or else I’d been part of the process (I’d suggested he contact her for years since there was a possibility they had a daughter together & supposedly he found out she wasn’t his child). This lead to all other problems (he left our joint business with less than 24 hrs notice & took a job with one of our major clients – he worked there 2 yrs & was just laid off from there 6 months ago). So now after 4+ years, of evasion, avoidance, and blaming me (I was depressed for a while before his affair cause he’d withdrawn so much & I was at my wits end), I’m just not sure why I’m bothering to accept his behavior. If I followed his lead, we would never talk about anything important and I should just accept everything at face value and just move on as if nothing is wrong. I guess I just don’t understand his behavior.
My partner thinks it “doesn’t mean anything” … me it is as bad as physically cheating because it is in his mind. He is addicted to it – at one point he had 107 different women he was communicating with – telling each the same story – I tried to “handle” it but in the end it was best for my mental health to walk away. The stuff on the internet has allowed many who would have never strayed before to test the waters and ruin many good relationships. I just think there aren’t that many “strong willed” people anymore who can be satisfied with one monogamous relationship. Sad to say. But I am happier now as I don’t have to always be “wondering”.

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7 Responses to The Power of Internet Cheating

  1. John says:

    Been married 14 years and with my wife for 17 years total. A few weeks after our 14th anniversary she hit me with 14 years of disappointment in our marriage. Me being very upset with this and being hit blindsided i changed my behavior and became a better husband and father. A few weeks after that i stopped home and found her videoing with her boss who is out of state. I heard him say to her “we are so ready for sex…let me see that body of yours …..i dont want to see the top parts let me see the bottom parts..” heard a lot more than that. Been 7 months now and a business trip happened i believe it got physical as of today i know she is still talking and video with him. I am stuck and dont know what to do . I truly love my wife. She said she doesnt want a divorce. And she doesnt want to do that to the kids. The lack of emotion and affection has me thinking of going and getting it on my own from someone else. This hole in my heart is slowly killing me. Ive lost 30lbs and 20of it was lost in the first 4 days when i didnt sleep for 4 days straight. Had to take sleeping pills to break the streak. She is a good woman. I dont want to leave . It will hurt just as much as the news .

    • Matt P says:

      To John,
      I had a similar experience with my soon to be ex-wife. We were married for 16 years and have 15 year old twin boys. Soon after the boys were born, she became increasingly distant from me. Sex became non-existent. When my boys were about 18 months old was the first time I became aware of her actually having an affair. She had supposedly gone shopping for 7 hours. I tried in earnest to reach her on her cell phone. I left 3 messages, none of which were returned. When she got home, she came home from shopping with nothing purchased and said she had been talking to friends. Then she went in the bathroom and took a 30 minute bath. Then she went to bed. She refused to tell me who she was talking with, saying that I didn’t know them. History repeated itself with at least two more affairs that I knew about (but she denied). I was called crazy, paranoid, and needing medicine. Never doubt your instincts. You know your situation best. However, I disagree with your statement that your wife is a good person. If she was a good person, she would not have done that to you. I was overweight for most of our marriage. In 2014, I had gastric bypass. I have since lost 100 lbs and regained my self-esteem. You need to find a way to regain yours as well. Now, I am about a week away from my divorce from this witch and regaining my personal freedom. I have a met a wonderful woman since I left and feel that this woman is my soulmate!! I wish you the best of luck in your life journey. I hope that this issue gets resolved asap for you since I know firsthand of the gut wrenching pain that it causes its victims. Please take care of yourself! You are the only one that can.

  2. Kat says:

    My long term BF was looking for other men online. He never shared his bisexuality or other things like fetishes and cross-dressing likes that he has. He was communicating via email, sending pics and who knows what else. WOW, talk about a slap in the face. I’m still in shock after 7 months. Sad but true.

  3. Robert M. says:

    My wife of nearly ten years exhanged 1064 text messages with a high school friend during a three month period, which culminated in her having sexual feelings for him, making out, and covering it up until I asked her point blank. In addition, their earlier exchanges talked about how they were each the one that got away.

    It’s apparent to me that my wife has checked out emotioanlly and puts the other guy ahead of me by continuing to stay in touch with him and not respecting my feelings. I recently found some messaging that she had meant to delete.

    In summary, I’m about done.

    • J says:

      Man, just move on from these kind of women. I have been through the same. I can totally feel your pain and feelings. I know it really hurts and sucks to know that your partner is doing something like this…but the cold hard truth is that they are what you see…they are not what you thought they were…
      There are plenty of people who are not like them…you can just solely focus on your marriage issues instead of worrying about your spouse cheating on you because you guys had marriage issues..?

      I am blessed with someone new who has gone through similar experiences as me(her husband cheated on her and left her and a child for another wife exactly..!), but world is different when you are with someone with integrity and loyalty!
      You give and you receive. You love and she will love you back…
      Being cheated on is a very unique experience but can teaches you so much…use that experience and turn it into positives. Your life will transform you in so many positive ways.

      I am rooting for you and I believe there will always be a rainbow at the end of the rain…

  4. Teresa Mills says:

    My partner is a sex addict he has hurt me in so many ways. He has had sexual affairs and a great deal of flirting and touching in front of me. Totally ignoring me for a whole evening and ogling other women he says that I am imagining this but after 51 years of marriage I know what I see and feel. I thing that I am in a codependent relationship and I am afraid of being left. I have always had a fear of being abandoned. At times I feel so hurt and all I want to do is hide because I feel numb all physically and mentally. My partner is handsome even though he is well into his 70’s Women still find him striking. He says that he loves me but a great deal of the time I don’t feel the love.

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