4 Critical Steps to Infidelity Recovery

Thousands like you, since I went online in 2001, have made it through the infidelity crisis in their marriage.

You can too.

You can survive infidelity.

But, Infidelity Recovery doesn’t happen by chance.

These thousands went through a recovery process and left nothing to chance.

And, that’s what you are looking for, correct? You want a pathway, a road that moves you out of overwhelm and confusion.

And, you need to know that this road can be trusted, a road others have traveled with success.

Those who transformed the betrayal of infidelity into a newfound confidence and trust followed very specific steps.

The resources, support and materials you need to follow are found in the Infidelity Recovery Center.

Here are the 4 Critical Steps:

First, You Must Experience Success

You must find emotional relief quickly.

You must quickly experience results, noticing changes in your self, your relationship and husband.

Without relief and results you stumble around in your pain, disconnect, your fearful thoughts and feelings of inadequacy.

I don’t want that for you, your marriage and family.

I coached a 60 year old woman consumed by anger toward her husband who had his affair some 25 years earlier.

How sad.

What a waste!

The pain and devastation of affair discovery brings up pain so deep and powerful that you automatically go back to your default ways of coping.

98 times out of 100 these default ways do not work, and in reality, make matters worse (and give your cheating husband an excuse to continue cheating.)

Articles in the Infidelity Recovery Center help you identify and understand this common and human dilemma.

Finding relief and results often mean doing something different; often opposite of what you are now doing.

This seems counter-intuitive but it works!

The “48 Hour Infidelity Boot Camp,” residing in the Recovery Center offers proven and highly successful tools to help you shake things up, get on track, find relief and get results – yes, often in 48 Hours, OR less.

(I’ve received hundreds of comments from users thanking me profusely for taking away their fear and pain, offering hope and jump starting the Recovery Process.)

Second, Learn to Think Recovery, Not Affair

Where does your infidelity pain come from?

What makes it so intense, excruciating and 24/7?

Take a moment to mentally stand back and you will discover that your pain is connected to catastrophic thinking.

The pain is triggered by your mind, which in its infidelity trauma, keeps replaying negative thoughts (and frequently associated images.)

These negative and awful thoughts come from what you have absorbed and been taught about infidelity.

Unfortunately, you’ve been taught myths, half truths and downright lies about infidelity.

For example,

  • Affairs are about falling out of love with you and “in love” with someone else.
  • Affairs result from a “bad” marriage.
  • You did something wrong for him to “stray.”
  • Affairs are the result of not meeting your husband’s needs.
  • Affairs are about sex.

In the Infidelity Recovery Center you will learn in detail why these assumptions are NOT true.

It is imperative that you straighten out your thinking.

Once you know the reality of an affair, the catastrophic constant thinking about infidelity subsides.

Affair Recovery thinking takes its place.

The final phase of clearing your mind is to determine the type of affair, and in doing so an Action Plan emerges.

“Break Free From the Affair,” the first ebook on infidelity written by me in 2001 is found in Level 3 of the Infidelity Recovery Center. “Break Free From the Affair” has been a best seller.

“Break Free From the Affair” identifies exactly the type of affair, how long it will last and interventions that change the direction of that affair.

Once your mind has new and purposeful thinking, you are ready for Step #3.

Third, Take Charge

You are now ready to take confident, constructive and targeted action, experiment and implement your plan.

How does that sound?




Wondering that if you take charge, he will back away?

Here’s the key: You want to ACT and not React.

You react (which will undoubtedly push him away) when you use your old default coping ways.

By this time, with your mind clear and your heart more calm, you are ready to ACT.

In addition to implementing your plan, based on the type of affair, you focus on these two critical areas:

  • You focus on defining and declaring your position. This is about you; where you are, your experience and your thoughts. You convey this with calm and certitude.
  • The second focus is crafting powerful statements. These statement focus on him, the affair, the marriage and your situation. These statements declare TRUTH – no blaming, condemnation or judgement.

(Hint: your husband at a deeper level truly wants the TRUTH and knows that the affair is NOT the answer.)

Your path becomes clear as you identify the type of affair, state your position and craft powerful statements.

Many find personal coaching with me extremely helpful at this point in breaking out of the old default ways and experimenting with powerful new strategies that hit home and accelerate the recovery process.

Fourth, Build Trust

  • Will you EVER be able to trust your husband again?
  • Will you EVER forget his betrayal?
  • Will you EVER be able to give yourself, without reservation, again?

You were taught to fear. You were taught to feel inadequate. It was slammed into you from a very young age that you must perform. It seeped into every cell of your body that you were not enough.

The betrayal brings up in untold powerful ways these deeply engrained terrors. (And, BTW, your husband betrayed because he was lost in these terrors and attempted to find a way out.)

So, of course, trust becomes problematic. You NEVER want to feel/think again what you just went through.

You want to love and be loved.

But, you don’t know how. Or, you don’t know what it truly means. When love and fear mix, love disappears.

I find this true of nearly everyone of my coaching clients.

The final step of trust is forgiveness.

Now, by forgiveness, I don’t mean pardoning, letting him off the hook, putting on a back shelf what happened, or “moving” ahead with “assignments” to hopefully quick-fix your marriage.

Forgiveness is getting rid of fear-based goals. It’s learning to accept and give love at a new and deeper level.

Forgiveness = Trust.

Forgiveness is your opportunity to create a you and a relationship far richer than previously experienced.

In the Infidelity Recovery Center, I offer resources and personal coaching that move you through an 11 step process of forgiveness, the last but not final step on your recovery journey.

For more information on Infidelity Recovery and the Infidelity Recovery Center click here:


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