Extramarital Affairs: Learn How Hundreds of Others Have Found Strength
An extramarital affair need not destroy you – or your relationship or your family! You can indeed break free from the extramarital affair.
For many, extramarital affairs serve as a test, a challenge and a springboard to redesign one’s life and relationships.
Extramarital affairs, indeed you will find as you read these testimonials, can bring new strength, purpose and clarity to your life and relationships. And, these statements from those confronting extramarital affairs let you know that you are not alone. Others have weathered the storm and feel the calm after it passes.
Many of the following testimonials are from people who found power and comfort in my ebook. For more information click here.
Personal, one-on-one help is available to you. Find out more about our coaching packages.
370 Comments about
Break Free From the Affair:
Dealing with a cheating spouse or cheating boyfriend can be one of the most painful and devastating experiences a relationship can face.I cannot recommend this book enough. It not only outlines specifically the 7 types of affairs (and how to handle each – whether you choose to stay or go), but you will find it’s material empowering. This book will help you to fully understand that YOU are not defective.There is nothing wrong with YOU! It also begins with the big question: “Do you really want to be in a relationship with this person?”Anyone faced with infidelity, or anyone who wants to avoid infidelity should have a copy of this book. I cannot recommend it enough. Tracey of pig-dogs.net
With your e-book, at least the feeling of being “crazy” is lessening somewhat.
Thank you for caring enough about people and thank you for bringing some sanity to my not so sane world.
hi, Just wanted to let you know I am finding your web site very helpful. I just read about the need to know exactly what happened in an affair. My husband had an affair last year and I found out in June of this year. I have not been able to go a day without having questions,questions, questions. He answers most with detail however he often says he does not know or he does not remember. that drives me crazy, I feel if he had an affair after 19 years of a very close relationship with me he should remember every detail of the affair. He is very remorseful and wants to work things out and actually broke it off with this woman long before I found out. I think we can make it I just wish all these thoughts feelings and Questions would go away, he hates the questions. Thanks for listening,it helps to let someone else know what is going on with me ,as I am keeping this hush hush from most everybody.
It is very important for the sanity of we who have been betrayed to know that we are NOT crazy and that an affair is NOT our “fault”. You are terrific for providing this information
The explanations you give are usually right on. You seem to know what I’m feeling. Each time I talk to you I feel stronger and stronger.
Your materials are very helpful–one of the best “affair” sites on the web.
Wish I had found your page before the divorce was final and they are engaged.
Reading your newsletters really seems to help. I read it Monday night and by Tuesday, I felt really good. I felt like I could control everything and not have him in my thoughts every second.
I look forward to your future newsletters. (My husband is aware I am getting information from this site and he is actually reading some of it! I hope it helps.)
I appreciate this site being available to people like me who have many, many questions and concerns after an affair has been revealed. You are a big help.
I often find myself wanting to talk to others that may be able to share some of their experiences with me. As you must already know, it’s a bit difficult sometimes to speak about your feelings of deception with those whom you consider friends. One of the biggest challenges is being able to face your pain and bring it to light so that everyone else knows just what you are going through. I found this site on a day when I felt so darn lonely, and just out of answers. I began reading some of the advise that you gave to others and for the first time I realized I was not alone in my struggle.
I’ve struggled with this for almost a year. I am the one who chose to have the affair and my husband has not found out about it and I pray he never will. I ended it about 4 months ago but everyday of my life I still think about him, what I did and just the guilt of it all. Each day is a new day, but I realize there is so much I need to learn about myself and why I got in the situation to begin with. . I was glad to find your website and I’m glad that today your newsletter was here. Just wanted to say Thanks and keep it coming.
Thank you soooo much for the newsletter. This has been an incredibly hard time in my life- to say the least- and knowing that there is someone out there who cares means the world to me. Thank you for me and all the others who are in this nightmare.
I had a chance to check the new site out today, and I was so impressed and proud of just how well it has taken shape. I know this is an overdue comfort zone for so many. I had to take this moment to thank you for your dedication and for your determination to make this powerful information available to a community of so many. You have no idea just how many people live in pain because they do not know just where to turn. I am an advocate of this site and I promote it whenever possible. I have shared this site with people who I have come in contact with that seem lost in their own struggle.
I learned that the kind of affair I was facing and that it was not my FAULT. Also practical strategies to get my life going.
The most important thing that I learned was that I had to worry about myself first. Another thing that was important was that I discovered that there was an emptiness that my wife was feeling that was caused by something that occurred to her long ago.That no matter what – I am going to make it! The affair is not my fault. He chose to do it, not me!
Thank you for all your newsletters. I have been collecting them but unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost all those received since October. Would it be at all possible to have you resend those newsletters to my e-mail address?
It is such a BLESSING to me to know there is someone out there who specializes in the field of infidelity. It has been a lonely search for me, quite isolating. I have always known there has to be another nice woman like me somewhere in this world – with a child from a married man. The stereotypes of the ‘other woman’ are not always on the mark. I’ve looked for a therapist prior to this, and have found therapist to preach to me – to condemn me – or to support me – but never able to sort of see where I’m at currently and help me from there. I’m sure you understand. One must start therapy from where they actually are – and where I am is very threatening to many married folk, even therapist. I’m already grateful to you for simply acknowledging the subject of infidelity and the therapeutic needs in relation to the topic.
Everyone who is experiencing the pain and shock of an affair or suspected affair should read Dr. Bob Huizenga’s “Breaking Free” book. This material, more than anything else, has helped me forge my way through a terrible time, and gain clear perspective on what I have been dealing with. Dr. Bob sheds light on human nature and the predictable patterns we follow in relationships and marriages in a profoundly concise way. “Break Free” has set me free in many ways, despite terrible personal pain, because I was able to put my situation into perspective, and face the reality of it all. Truth, stumbling around for months and perhaps even years, “wondering” about what my husband’s behavior might mean, and how I ought to behave back, I quickly gained a clear understanding of my reality after reading “Break Free.” As time goes on, I find myself even more amazed at just how accurate and helpful Dr. Bob’s insight and advice is. On top of the material, Bob’s personal coaching has provided much needed relief and additional support when I have really needed it. Thanks very much Bob….
Thank-you for writing your book, Break Free From the Affair. I downloaded it last night and it has been very eye-opening. It is wonderful that just when I needed some practical and sound advice, I found your site on the internet. I’ve got a lot of things to work through, as I just uncovered concrete evidence of my husbands’ continuing years-long affair with his receptionist. Your book has helped me pick my path, so to speak, of what I will (and will not) do next.
Things seemed to have settled though she still wants to carry on life with both of us. At first I never thought I would cope, like you say your self esteem goes straight down the pan. Identifying the types of affair and the possible outcomes really helped as did the backgrounds to them. When I found your book it was like hey there is a life beyond this and for the first time since the affair came to light I know know there is a me.
Hi…I purchased your e book some days ago now and have found it a tremendous help. i won’t say that I am perfect in its application , I have a lot to learn, But whichever way this works out, she wants to share our 3 lives together, I know now that I will be true to myself and will accept what I want, and I will come through this with or without her. The mantra is working. Don’t get me wrong I want to save the marriage, and I feel the tactics are great, but at the end if my implementation is poor and I fail at least I tried, and either way I will have a support network and i will be a better person.
Dr. Bob,Thank you for all your support e-mails the last few days. When I returned to work from a very stressful holiday, I really needed to read all of them. Can’t wait to read all the goodies I downloaded when I get home tonight. Finding your website has been a Godsend. Your reassurance that I will make it and that the affair is not my fault, helps me each and every day.
Thank you, I feel like I have an answer now and help. Thank you again. Bless you for helping so many people. I wish I had found your site a year ago and I might not be in this mess.
Although all of type #4 seems to fit my situation like a glove, I highlighted the most strongest points that apply there as well. And I must tell you, it was shocking when I first read #4, it was as if you were a fly on the wall during this whole thing. It’s scary to think that other people in the world have experienced the same thing. I thought it was just her doing it to me. Thank you very much for your web site and for the service you provide.
Unfortunately, my marriage is over and I am in the process of accepting it. Nonetheless, the insights you have provided have contributed greatly to both my mental well-being and my ability to cope with the situation.
Thanks for the prompt reply and for sending the book, I have had a chance to browse through and spotted our scenario immediately. I will try to follow your advice, it is so nice to know what to do instead if flailing around doing the exact wrong thing!
Thank you so much. Your advice makes a lot of sense, for us to find a way to use the pain of these prank calls to make us stronger. I think my wife & I are making great progress together in our relationship and saving our marriage. I thank you so much for your ebook and your advice in this specific matter. As a person who has felt like my life has been turned upside down during this ordeal, you have provided me much support and “calm” to my situation.
I really appreciate the emails and the letters. I will continue to read them and use them as a guide as well. No matter what, a broken heart is hard as ever to mend, but it will come in time.
Here are the things I have found good about your site/work so far.
1) It is written with a 360o degree viewpoint – that is to say when you get into it you have thought about all the angles and the implications of the problems an affair brings when disclosed.
2) Linked to this, I bought the E-Book on Sunday and read it in one sitting – I have never thought about affairs (i was too scared too, like most people) and found it absolutely fascinating to think and consider what the propellers (motivates) are and how they may be very different.
3) It is well written and thought provoking. It’s the cost of a therapy session (£34 with my therapist) but you can take it in a lot more and I felt like after the reading of the ebook that I’d gone through a ‘session’ i.e. I’d thought, learnt and was curious to learn more about myself and responses to the events
4) I have to focus on me and recovering with or without my partner.
5) it is easy for me to see my partner (ex!) as being a mix of your types of affairs but that was not bad, I think that it is too complex to make fix categories of it but a helpful guide. But the best questions were the hard ones about why and if one should attempt to save the marriage, but the advice of how to do so be cool, calm and cheerful is so right but so hard! Thanks so much for the good work Bob! Best G.
I am so grateful that I ordered How to break free….., and I am now doing the 21 day course. It is a real lifeline to me.
Thanks Bob for your encouraging words. I’m taking your advise and feel confident and at peace that I am on the path to reclaiming my integrity. I’m planning on a wonderful New Year!
I look forward to hearing from you and for your ongoing advice, you are an extremely important find for me. There is very little pragmatic literature or advice out there.
One of the best parts of the book has been examining my motivations and helping me decide to save the marriage or not. I have found out much about myself and identified my fear of living alone. I still struggle with the “I will make it” self message and have some sadness over the loss of the relationship with my wife.Overall I am very glad that I found your website and appreciate the online discussion forum greatly.
Just a note to wish you a very happy holiday season. I want to thank you for all your help this past year. Your counsel and articles have helped mea more than you will ever know. Whenever I start to get down, I reread your ebook, especially the part on affair #4.
THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending me the emails. The best Christmas present I will get. I will get over all this and figure out what to do going forward. My faith in male/female relationships has been severely damaged but I will work on that.
Dear Bob,I recently purchased your E-book “Break Free From Your Affair” on November 10, 2003. I really depend on this book right now. However, it is gone from my computer. I don’t know what happened to it. Please help. I need to refer back to it.
First, I have bought your ebook and have found it fantastic. I’m still trying to identify which type of affair scenario fits my husband. I am after only 6 weeks in surprisingly good “emotional” shape, which in part is due to your book.
Already, I have started putting into practice the suggestions from your materials and usually feeling empowered.
I downloaded your e-book and it helped me cope with what was happening in my life. I must have read it 25 times!!! Thank You.
Just when I needed that, you have a great website and people who sign up can truly feel supported. You tip today hit the spot! God bless and have a great holiday.
Your site is a big help, thank you!
Dear Dr. Huizenga,First and foremost I want to say that you have already helped me tremendously just by reading some of your articles and information on your website and your emails. Of all the websites and books I have read, yours is superior in regard to this subject. I sincerely appreciate all your work to help people like me that are in the situations that we are.
I am impressed with your book, and it’s been helpful.
As one of your members, I just wanted to say thank you for your web site and for all you do to help others get through such a difficult time in their lives. Several months ago I became a member of your “club” and got your e-book “Break Free From The Affair.” Thanks again for your site because it helps put me back on the path of reality and truth and gives me comfort and hope. May God bless.
…you pose pertinent and sometimes uncomfortable questions I must ask myself to determine my own motives for wanting to save my marriage. But for me the most valuable part of each chapter is your very specific advice on what I can do to increase my chances that our marriage will survive the affair.
…very tightly and concisely written, in understandable language and clear suggestions. Thanks!
I wanted to Thank you earlier but have been busy with the baby. She is 3 1/2 months old and cutting her first teeth. I must tell you how very much appreciated it is that you are there to listen and give advise. I appreciate it VERY much. Finding you has been a God send for me. I hope God blesses you. Thank you for this email and I will read every bit of it and use it in my everyday living.
Thanks and best regards. (Your information was HUGELY helpful in helping me to categorize (to a tee!) this “behavior” and of course look to move beyond it…
Can’t believe reading your e-mails that the situations are just like what I’m experiencing. My husband left the house three months ago. Four days before our 25TH Anniversary We celebrated it with a night in NYC Nothing spared. I know he’s having an affair & won’t admit it. Lately, he’s been a great deal better with his attitude. I think the affair has somewhat come to an end. He still needs two weeks to come home. Why??? I made an appointment with a mediator. He flipped today with that.
As one of your members, I just wanted to say thank you for your web site and for all you do to help others get through such a difficult time in their lives. Several months ago I became a member of your “club” and got your e-book “Break Free From The Affair.” Thanks again for your site because it helps put me back on the path of reality and truth and gives me comfort and hope. May God bless you for these sacrifices you are making for others.
My wife and I have been fighting about 8 months now & she finally moved out about 3 weeks ago I wish I would have gotten you e book sooner.
Bob,Thank you for the gift. I do read them and they do help me see things I have not thought of or understood because I am so involved. Your gifts provide me with insight and hope. I enjoy them….. :-) Know you are appreciated…..
I just finished reading your e-book How to break free of the affair. I must state this was the best book on relationships I have read thus far. my compliments on your wonderful book. Thank you NR
Dr. Huizenga: I have read every book I could get my hands on over the last two-and-a-half years since I knew my husband was involved with another woman. His affair lasted two years and has been ended for almost ten months. With all of the top-ranked “affair/infidelity” and “relationship” books on the market, I thought I had the best information available to help me, and my husband, not only end his affair but to get through the tough times following it. Was I ever wrong! You have produced the most helpful, useful and relevant book on dealing with your partner’s affair that I have ever seen. You include vital information that no other source contains. Your profiles are so accurate it is eery! For me the most valuable part of each chapter is the very specific advice on what YOU can do to increase your chances that your marriage will survive the affair. I felt many times as I read your book that you somehow had been in my head and heart and living my life, your descriptions and profiles are that accurate!
Dr. Huizenga, your book has provided me with greater insight, with more understanding, with reassurance of my own value. But it has also presented me with a scary problem: My husband’s affair was a very complicated matter, it is not going to be an easy or short road to recovery, and it will not be easy determining which tactics to use and when as I deal with building a new, and hopefully better thanks to you, relationship with my husband. Initially my heart and hopes sank as I discovered just how difficult this “recovery” will be, but it is encouraging to find that my intuitive responses in dealing with my husband and his affair have more often than not been correct. You have also given me many new ideas of ways to “shake up” the way we communicate and relate with each other, something we have needed badly for many years. I have a difficult road ahead, I have to accept that, but you have helped me understand that new territory better than I could have without this book. I can never thank you enough or repay your generosity.
As usual your information is right on the mark. Its uncanny how your stuff seems to reach me just when I am looking for the information. Its marvelous to read. It makes me feel normal again. Regards
I have been using the Charging Neutral technique even without knowing about it until today. This is not normal for me since I am unemotional from day-to-day, but get emotional when we fight and eventually explode (like the description in Affair #5). Being very, very calm with her at first really scared her (I have never hit/hurt her), but she has opened up tremendously the more I can show that I won’t explode.
This is the one year anniversary of my life turning upside down due to an affair. You helped me to move beyond the hurt and to focus more clearly as I made some very hard decisions regarding my wife’s infidelity. The guidance you provided was invaluable, both for understanding the affair and myself. Thank you…
Your book contains more valuable and relevant and USEFUL information than all of the books combined I have read over the last two-plus years.your book is so overwhelmingly superior to the many, many books I have devoured over the last three years, including the ones considered to be the “best” on infidelity/affairs/relationships, and the information you provide is so profoundly on-target and concisely written in a straightforward manner (yes, I am saying this same thing in my review) that it is having a dramatic impact on my life and marriage and on my beliefs/views/strategies as formed by and based on the other booksI want to thank you for helping me. So often, those of us with limited resources (money) are the ones who lose the most, because we can’t afford the very help we need. You have provided me with something I’ve been needing for a long time. I am so grateful.
You have opened a well-spring of ideas for me. Thanks!
I’ve read the book—some parts over and over—and indeed it’s worth it. Thank you very much.
You are the best to have shared all you did…you helped me a great deal.
This newsletter hit my situation dead on the head!!! I felt like I wasgetting a reading from a psychic!!! I have chills right now.
I wanted to let you know how much you helped me put things into perspective and how much better I am doing since our sessions began. I had asked you if a person could truly change and your response was “if the change comes from within.” At the time I asked I was asking about Jim and his apparent changes. Much to my surprise, I now am at complete peace with the situation. I feel so much more in control and do have a peace of mind, which I did not have before. I would have three or four days of deep depression every so often and the rest of the time I was just depressed. I can say I have not had any depression for over a month. That is a record for me! I am so thankful for such a great blessing.Many thanks to you. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Sincerely,
Your stuff has already been a big help. No matter how this turns out I’m already a lot better off (feeling wise) than he appears to be Seems like your recommendations are right on target – he can’t figure out exactly what is going on other than I’m doing very well these days and still being a very caring loving wife.Thanks for all your help.
The information I received from you in that short time was some of the most helpful I have seen, and I have read almost every “infidelity” and “relationship” book ever published.
By the way, your E-book is a tremendous help. I reread it anytime I start feeling that things are getting out of control. It helps put things in perspective. Thanks for the help.
Thank you for your e-mail. I have read almost all of your writings and it gave me strength, for sure. Out of all the books and websites and counseling I’ve gone through, your site has been of the most help to me and I am trying to find a way that I can get full benefit. Thank you.
At this time I find your writings an incredible source of comfort. I find power in knowledge and you have helped me regain myself in all this mess. THANK YOU.
I am amazed at how on-target you are in your profiles of the different types of “cheaters”. I wish I had this two years ago–would have saved me a lot of trial-and-error. You are very good at what you do.
The Break Free from the Affair ebook finally gave me some peace of mind and a road map to follow. It was amazing how the type of affair my wife was having just jumped out at me. Knowing that, and what to expect, has given me hope that there will be a resolution. Thanks, Bob.
I discovered this site while surfing for other positive one regarding infidelity. Dr.Huizena provides useful info even if you’re the ws but mostly for the bs. I have just started to use it and already feel better about myself and life in general. check it out!!
I’m doing good and I am very proud of myself. I HAVE NOT BROUGHT UP THE AFFAIR SINCE WE LAST SPOKE!!!! I have stop obsessing and I am focused on ME in a major way. I actually THINK before speaking….what do you think of that? I’m paying attention to my tone of voice and more importantly I am retraining my self talk and I like what I am hearing. LIFE IS GOOD AND A BEAUTIFUL THING!!!
A friend of mine sent me your ebook on the 7 types of affairs which I read with great interest! My husband had 2 affairs during our marriage and we are now going through a divorce. I couldn’t believe how accurate your description was of him – he is definitely number 3 but I don’t feel he has always been which is the sad thing really.
I really liked the phrase “I will make it.” I have been really down and it has some how re-inspired me. I also liked the 12 mistakes people make. I knew I wanted to stay in the relationship (for a variety of reasons) but I was having a hard time moving forward. Those 12 things really made me look in the mirror. We have taken a lot of very positive steps.
Your approach is really different and unique. You have carved out quite a niche for yourself!
I learned why I am having the affair. Why I feel like I do. and that there is hope for me to break the Revenge cycle that i have been on since i learned of my husbands affair 20 years ago. I never let go and have had several one night stands and 3 affairs. (One I am still in and want to break free of but cant seem to stop). I finally recognize all the pain I have felt and why and all the pain I am causing and what to stop it. Hopefully with your guidance I can.
I am so glad I found you web sight, and your offering of free information and help. After being married for 22 years and finding out my husband was having an affair again, I left him 4 months ago. I have been in a very sad and dark place filled with self-blame and a feeling of betrayal that is overwhelming and consuming. In a search for answers I came across your site. Because of my current situation I didn’t feel financially able to buy your book at this time. But a friend saw such an improvement in me after just 4 days of reading from your website she insisted buying the book for me. I don’t have it yet but I’M really looking forward to receiving it.
I have just recently found your website and find it incredible and educational.
Then I read your book the other night and it was very inspirational.…the 7 things you suggest in the appendix are great. In fact, I’ve been doing most of them already. And some of the things I used to do that’s part of the 12 things not to do, I haven’t been doing already. I don’t know where things will go from here. Your book has given us a chance.
A step by step approach to how to identify and what to do about handling the affair made it easy for me to take action.
The ebook has been most helpful. My soon-to-be-ex husband is deeply involved in a “My Marriage Made Me Do It” affair with an unhappily married woman from his past whose marriage “made her do it,” too… neither of them the slightest bit responsible for how their marriages have turned out. Your book has helped me to do a better job of “charging neutral,” which I was already doing to a great extent. We are managing to be civil, even pleasant, to each other… and it is my goal to leave this 19-year relationship with as little baggage as possible and get on with my life.
Dear Dr. Huizenga,I just bought your book yesterday and all I can say is thank you. I was on a emotional roller coaster when I found out that my wife was having an affair (#4). Everything you said about the typical reactions for the offended were dead on. Everything you mentioned, I was going through (I was miserable). You helped me more than anyone or any resource ever did. It was uncanny how accurate everything was. Dr. Huizenga, you saved me from so much pain and anguish, now I have the power, the knowledge and the confidence to go on with my life.Thank you for everything! Kelly PS. I would have paid ten times more for the book if I knew how truly Powerful it was.
Your ebook helped me learn that I am not crazy and that Affairs are what make me feel crazy. I can’t keep trying to make sense out of this since there isn’t any. Most important of all is not to go it alone. At first that is what I tried to do since most of my family knew about and tried to wake me up. Now I use those same people who tried so hard before as a support. Second most important is my new mantra I WILL MAKE IT.
I keep referring to your book and feel that as I gain confidence and my brain settles down, I will be able to absorb more in each reading. It is good to have it on hand to read as needed.
I don’t even know you, but you and your book have been a tremendous comfort to me! I am anxious to see how my husband responds to my new found inner strength and assertiveness.
I just want you to know how comforting I’ve found “Break Free… ” I am actually beginning to personally detach myself from this whole situation. There is no comparison between my present mental/emotional state today and just 3 weeks ago. I feel pretty confident to confront my husband now… Leisa
I have read the book 2 x since I ordered it yesterday, and I find it to be very informative! It takes a while to get things in your head, a new way of looking at the situation and yourself.
Your book is insightful and has given me the inner strength I need to get through this one way or the other.
I feel much better after reading your book. For the longest time, I have played the role of the “victim” and blamed myself for my wife’s actions. All I would do is try harder to please her to see if it would “bring her around” but it obviously has not worked. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I appeared to be a wimp and that is what caused her to go look elsewhere. I am now employing your strategies and I think my wife knows that I suspect something has happened. Her behavior has changed a little but to tell the truth…
I really appreciate you taking my phone call yesterday to coach me for dinner conversation with my husband, Brian last night. I promised to get back to you on results. It went very well. We began talking in the car and I encouraged Brian to say anything that had been on his mind. We had been in such a non communication mode for so long this was really good for him. And he liked talking about us. That set the tone for the evening.
I have shown it (your e-book) to a couple of my “affair” mentors and they were really impressed. The type of affair was very clear and heartbreaking at the same time. But, I believe, as long as there is life, there’s hope. Even if my husband is a #2.
Thanks Bob, The portions of the book I have read have helped me enormously. I feel I have some direction in how to pick up the pieces and make decisions that will be good instead of destructive. Anything that takes my mind off what I’m feeling is helpful. If I learn something from the information as well as gaining a distraction, and we can get past this hurdle, the information in your book is nothing except a GODSEND. I thank you for your service to humankind. I think you are truly one gifted being working to eliminate some pain and suffering from this world. I’ll be happy to mention your work to others. Thanks once again.
Thank you for the words of wisdom at a time needed.
I still have not finished the e-book, but I really think it is among the best that I have read, and I have read a lot! You hit on “core” issues that some people “skirt” around. You answer questions that might not get asked due to embarrassment or fear. I do not remember what the survey said exactly, but so far I am giving it a “10”.
The identification of the affair type, and suggestions to change my behavior accordingly really assisted me to cope! I haven’t really found ANY book offering this kind of information, and NO counselors ever have. It helped with my need to do something to fix it.
Four things helped me. First, when you said the reason she was having an affair was not due to the marriage. (To some degree it was, but I now realize she did it for selfish reasons rather than focusing attention on her relationship with me.) Second, I was so confused and hurt by her actions. I kept thinking, I’ve given her everything, where did I go wrong. But then when I read the descriptions about different types of affairs, I saw where both she and I had gone wrong.Third, whenever you reminded me that “I will get through this.” Forth, and maybe most practical, was advice about messaging along with “leaping” (if that’s the correct term.) Those sorts of practical ‘strategies’ if you will were actually most helpful, since these described actual actions to apply, rather than just more insight into what might have caused her to have an affair.
Thanks again – a bit of a Lifesaver, aren’t you?
Your book was very good, in fact one of the best I have read.
I was in a state of rage and some of the words calmed me and gave me direction.
I just down loaded your 20 page starter. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks. Just short of going to therapy. I have read this installment and have found at least two things I can do TODAY to feel better. Thank you just doesn’t convey how much I appreciate your insight.
I just purchased your ebook Break Free from the Affair. In reading over the type of affair I am facing, I am #3. Everything you say is right on target. I could not believe every word you wrote was me to a T.
Bob, Your information has been invaluable in my effort
to find my way out of a 2 1/2 year mess…
Helps me to understand that my strong emotions, the roller coaster emotions, etc. are not unusual after an affair.
Your book kept me from going out of my mind. Thank you
You were right on and after I shared it with my husband , He opened up more than ever because he was not sure him self what was going on!
Since I started applying the 7 do’s and have quit doing the 12 “don’ts”, you are correct. She has changed drastically and is trying to make herself available to me.
Thank you so much for publishing this book!! I was really having a hard time trying to understand how and why things happened the way that they did. The affair that my husband had just ripped me apart. I am much better now, although I have a long way to go. I am more focused on myself and my children, and less obsessive about the affair. I went so far as trying to visualize my husband with this “older” woman. I have no doubt that my husband loves me, but in the back of my head, I just had these doubts. The one thing I did learn from the reading so far, is identifying the type of affair that he had. I had to take a good hard look at myself and address some personal issues of my own. I never knew he was insecure about our marriage, his sexual performance and the fear of losing me to another man. We have actually taken our marriage to the next level. Open communication is important and vital. We are both in counseling, and my therapist loves the book. She will be contacting you. I can’t thank you enough for your publication.
Thank you for this website. Although it appears that my marriage will not survive, I think mostly because I found you too late, the material has helped me to get my life back onto an even keel. I am moving on. Where he goes is his decision.
I downloaded your book last week. Thank you. I have managed my emotions and I am dealing with serious pain despite being in school and having a 3 year old son. The lies are overwhelming and the betrayal is a pain that is similar to physical pain. I just discovered the affair last month but the truth seems to be told in small amounts. Today I just found out he had been sleeping with her for months. I am so sick over it but after reading the online book. I have kept my calm. It has not been easy, last month I was crazy.
Thank you for the updates, lord knows I need them and this will pass yet my impatience is difficult to manage.
I just want to let you know how grateful I am to you for writing the book. After over a year of heartache, depression, anger, and all the feelings that have occurred since I discovered my boyfriends infidelity, I am finally beginning to think that I may actually be happy again some day, with or without him. What has helped me the most so far is your advice on assuming the attitude of acting happy (fake it “til you make it!) I repeat this mantra throughout the day, and it has made all the difference not only in how I feel, but how others are responding to me. To be honest with you, I was getting sick and tired of feeling so bad, and I could no longer tolerate my own hostile and bitter words and actions, but I just could not seem to get over it. I had been considering getting professional help, which is still an option, then I came across your book on a website for dealing with affairs. I downloaded it, then read it all in a few hours time (I am a fast reader). Your advice has helped me tremendously, and I intend to read it again, this time more slowly and carefully. I truly believe that we were not put on this earth to be miserable, and I realize that despite the actions of someone else, I can choose to be happy, or choose to wallow in my sadness and grief. Right now, I choose to be happy, to the best of my ability. Thank you again.Sincerely,
A great perspective on why my husband is looking for love – it is much easier when it is put down logically on paper rather than search through all my muddled thoughts. I am not crazy after all.
Your book has truly helped me in the last few weeks. I have eaten better, slept better, and all around felt better, as well as felt a renewed interest from the wife I thought I had lost. I’m not saying all is well, otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you. I do want things to work, but more importantly, I want us both to come to terms with things at least for our children’s sake should we part ways.
I have found out that my husband’s inability to say no to this woman is an addictive behavioral problem and nothing to do with me. Also, his control all these years are a direct representation of this problem.. At times I had thought I was no good and couldn’t do anything right. Now I am beginning to see what a wonderful person I am.
Hi my name is Jane and My friend Ray bought me your book yesterday….I fell much better today after reading it, I am practicing the way I talk to my husband because everytime we speak my voice drops and I sound pathetic even to myself. I am having a little trouble deciding which type of affair he is having, I believe it is #4…but his feeling desirable with someone else also applies…I was not fulfilling his needs.
The book is a life saver. I’m in gut wrenching fear, but otherwise a stable, calm, sane person. Your information rings true and I think your advice was exactly what I needed. Instinctually, I have been practicing “charging neutral”, but was being too passive. Your book gave me neutral ways to ask questions that my spouse needs to explore within himself. I especially liked the part where you told me to repeat “I will make it” over and over! I’ve been doing that all day! I also began looking hard at my fear and what is causing it. Clearly slow painful growth/recovery is ahead. But I’m going to keep repeating “I can make it” until it feels real and the fear subsides.
The e-book is very helpful. It has helped me to look inside of myself and ask some very tough questions instead of looking to my husband for answers. This allows me to evaluate how I am feeling at any given time and trust that he is doing the right thing instead of thinking that he is still hurting me. We are also in counseling which is very beneficial.
The book has brought many things into perspective for me. thanks.
It was extremely helpful for us to read the description about the “revenge affair” as it was so accurate and made my husband feel as though he was not a sexual pervert-I felt better also, especially since you gave it more of a chance of ending successfully.
Identifying the kind of affair made such a big difference in my state of mind. “I cant’ say No” brought it all home for me. I have confronted him before, but he tells me I’m crazy and paranoid. He is such a smooth operator. He is seeing a therapist to learn how to deal with my obsessive thoughts! He doesn’t know how long he can go on – I badger him so. Haven’t finished the book, but I feel much calmer.
I gained huge insight into many people I know that have had affairs. The book affirmed my attempt to neutrally and supportively give Dave ways to talk about what is going on inside himself. The book reminded me that I need to work on understanding why and whether I want our marriage to continue. Giving me the mantra, “I will make it”.
Reading the book has given me a much better understanding of affairs. I’m glad to say your book has reinforced what my gut feeling has told me about reacting to my situation.
I learned that this WAS NOT my fault, and that this might have been the best thing that ever happened to us. One thing she said to me the other night, I asked her, “What did you get from him that you were not getting from me?” Her reply, “He made me feel special.” You “nailed her personally to a “T” as well. There are a lot of interesting dynamics going on now, we are sleeping in the same bed, and over the last couple of weeks, since I’ve been applying the techniques you discuss for this type of affair (BACK-OFF, but still be there), she has gone from sleeping on the far side of the bed with her back to me, to sleeping in the middle, facing me. Talk about “body language”! Right now she is a “little girl lost”. She’s in a “hole” and trying to find her way out. I’m there just to shine a light in the right direction, that’s it. I a! m not pushing or pulling in any direction, just shining a light. Thanks for everything so far!!
Your book is quite helpful in terms of helping me go through the first week after I discovered my wife is having an affair. I love my wife very much and I am determined to save my marriage at any cost. I would like to category my wife’s affair as #4 “fell out of love” kind, but I am extremely anxious when it will end as it is still in the full bloom right now.
I have found your E- book saved my sanity…my husband is the affair #4. It will be 4 weeks this Sunday that I discovered a little love note from his OP. The techniques do seem to be working…
So far, bite by bite, e book + emails have been excellent. Worth every penny.
I bought your ebook yesterday and I was astonished on how accurate the descriptions are with the 7 types of affairs. Although I have not finished reading it it did give me some comfort that I am NOT responsible for the affair my wife has had / having. And it helped me validate some of the behavior and strategy that I have been using is the right direction.
I’ve read your wonderful book and have discovered that my husband is a number 6 type affair. All the things you said are true about him and I truly believe that this is one of the best things that could have happened to us. It is a wake up call on our 13 year marriage.
Thank you Bob. It is so valuable. My husband and I are doing it together each night and thus far it has been the most valuable, information and useful information we have obtained!
The e book has been helpful and both my wife and myself have read it.Whilst our situation is far from resolved I feel we are on the right track and I am hopeful of saving the marriage but if that doesn’t happen “I WILL MAKE IT”. Her situation is very complex in that she claims to love me ( I believe her) but has had a “LOVE” affair with the other guy for over two years and neither of them seem to be able to let go. At moment we are getting on better than ever and our sex life is best it’s ever been in 19 years, no fighting yelling or screaming all very rational, really weird!!
The most value for both my husband and I was to finally identify “the type” of affair he had. Going a step further YOUR book was the only of it’s kind that gives all the characteristics of the person tied with what we can expect to happen if change doesn’t “check in”. When we finally discovered in your E-book my husbands “type of affair”, we both said “wow” many times during the reading as it was if you wrote that section exclusively for us. I knew before I purchased your book that I needed to know exactly “what kind” of affair my husband was in before I could heal. Because how can you heal from the unknown? You gave us those answers!
Dear Bob, Your e-book was the most helpful information I’ve read yet. What helped me the most was how you categorized the seven types of affairs. My husband of 28 years totally fits into the #6 category. The insight and wisdom I gleaned gave me a peace that I have not had since I learned of his affair just 2 1/2 months ago. I learned alot in those few pages and put what I learned into action immediately. I was also very encouraged at the rating of 2 as far as the possibility of the marriage working. What was so cool was the ‘Tip’ you gave was right on the mark. Since this happened our sex has been more passionate and we seem to be closer than we have been in years. You were totally right. We both feel very blessed that we didn’t lose each other. With highest regards, -Denise
Dr. Huizenga- The book has been very helpful. I feel better now than I have in the 1.5 weeks since my wife told me about the affair she is having. I finally have a little peace of mind, which is very important considering I am currently deployed in Iraq. The section on affair type #4 could have been written about my wife. You described her to a “t” in the section about the characteristics that are exhibited in the type of person who has this kind of affair. Also, I can’t tell you how many times she has already said the “I love you but I am not in love with you anymore” speech, or it’s derivative, “I love you, but I don’t feel I love you like a wife should love her husband”. This is the hardest thing I have ever faced. We have been married for almost 11 years and have 3 young children together. I am about to go home on 2 weeks leave from Iraq, and will be putting the techniques in your book to use. Wish me luck!
I wish that I had had the info (Break Free From the Affair) in April 2003 which is when the “other woman’s” husband contacted me to tell me about the affair. I’m in the final stages and beginning to heal. I am still angry however – deep down inside.
I have bought the e-book and have read most everything that you’ve provided. My wife fits the situation and profile of the “Love being in Love” affair to a tee. It was almost eerie on how well it fit, down to the fact it is an emotional affair, not a sexual one. We actually read it together the first time. She just left the computer and went and laid down.
First I want to thank you for your E-book. I bought it Saturday and already it has made my life a lot more pleasant! I was reacting in the depressed mode and living the affair every day. Now I am concentrating on me and it feels like a big load has been lifted off my shoulders and I am excited about life again!
Hi…My life as you know all to well has been a roller coaster of a ride. I suspected for a 4 to 5 months to be confirmed on Thursday night. I needed help fast. We had talked for a couple of hours after the event and he said he needed to go out in the car for a few hours so I came to the computer and found your book. It helped me be busy and although it was painful to read it gave me something to focus on and helped me to realize it was not my fault. So it felt empowering, being a trainer before becoming a mother of two young beautiful children I knew how to coach and develop people and that you need a strategy and process to aid the process and that is what the book helped me do see the affair for what it is/was? And how to start from a good place in my head and not a negative one. I wrote all 7 points in a notebook that I carried around with me and said over and over to myself I can make it. It is still a roller coaster I needed my husband to make a decision so that I could move forward. He chose to leave after talking for 4 hours the next day I kept calm we laughed and I acted happy. I needed your book at a time of great confusion and it provided clarity and reason. I believe when in need the resources appear. I know this journey has just begun as now my husband has called to say he wants to come back so my world is still spinning but I know no matter what happens I CAN make it though. I have so many unanswered questions and one is how can he stay away form this obsession of the other woman and stay focuses on making it work.
Dr. Bob, I want to sincerely thank you for the information on your site. It has truly helped me to better understand the “Gut Feelings” I have in my heart about my wife’s faithfulness. My marriage of seven years has been in “crisis mode”, from the beginning. We have never gotten along well for long. Two very strong willed people always clashing & banging heads. Never any unity. And just to think-We’re Christians who should know better but…..
Dear Bob, I ordered your e-book last night and read it from start to finish, then re-read certain sections again this morning. My husband had an affair (now totally finished) and he rates somewhere between a #4 and #6 with a little #5 thrown in for good measure (or should I say ‘bad measure’). After about 6 counseling sessions I decided we were going nowhere and have read, downloaded and purchased numerous books etc to try and make some sort of sense of it all and find a way to work out our differences, my true desire is to get over all of this and archive it deep in my memory, as you have probably guessed, I was still going nowhere and all the information seemed to confuse me more than help me. Then I read your book, thank you so much, it is the best information I could have had and I now know what “I” need to do to work through this. I’m not 100% certain that I will remain married to B, but I am 100% certain that “I” will be ok, whatever the future holds for me. Thank you again. Kind Regards, Kathy
…very helpful, and eye opening.
Hello Dr. Bob, I am in the process of reading through the material and trying to really be objective and honest with my thoughts and feelings. There is a lot to digest and there is a lot to think through. I think this e-book will put a lot of things in perspective and I pray that I will receive some relief from my heartache. Thank you for caring.
Dear Bob, I recently purchased your E-Book and I wanted to thank you for your no-nonsense, real approach to this heart-wrenching subject. I feel empowered instead of helpless. It is so enlightening to see the types of affairs and the qualities a person who engages in each type may possess. It takes this huge ball of confusion and helps narrow the focus a bit. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming… the prospect of what to tackle … when you’re in the eye of a hurricane, your lists are like a beacon of light showing me the way out.
Bob, the book is Right On. Very helpful so far.
Your E-book is helpful. Very much so. I appreciate the upfront, straight- up truth of what you have put together.
Dear Dr. Huizenga, WWas your book useful… Yes, and thats an understatement! I was amazed to realize all that I’ve been going through was labeled and understood by others… As I read your book I was shocked, I was able relate to it. It allowed me to understand that yes my spouse does have a problem “himself”and it wasn’t because of me… Yet the scale for the category he falls into is tough to save (my marriage) it still provided me with clarity of my situation and especially how to deal with it.
The book is a mind reader and showing me the future so I know whats going to happen rather then always being in limbo about whats going to happen.
Hi Bob, I’m doing and feeling way better after I read your Book. It is so helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who has to go through this situation. I feel like I can now have more control of the situation. Weeks ago I was so down and felt like I could not do anything in my life, today I know what I should do or not do. It’s very hard to have to go through all this but I know I will make it.
Great book !!!! Has helped me so very much to sort out the many confusing things coming out of my husband’s affair. Your book is obviously based on real life scenarios and not theory. When one is dealing with something as devastating as a spouse cheating, one needs real life info/advice/talk to help sort through all of the muddiness. Thanks.
Bob, I would like to thank you for making you expertise available. I read the e-book yesterday, and started using Charge Neutral and he noticed a difference immediately. We actually had a conversation without anger, contempt and the usual hostile tones. I’m dealing with a #7 affair and know that the road ahead is long and hard. I’ve been trying to do everything under the sun to make this marriage work and hopefully with your guidance I can have some resolution whether our marriage survives or if we split.
Dear bob: I have never found a book more interesting than yours. You see, it is not only helping me to understand me, it is also helping me to understand other people’s behavior. I must tell you , I only got your book about a week now, I cannot sit and read it at all time ( I have 2 small kids) but I have to tell you , I love your book so far.
Dear Bob, first of all, I want to thank you for all the helpful strategies and wise thoughts. You write about affairs with such wisdom and at the same time a good sense of humor and a down to earth style. Thank you so much, you web site helped me in many ways in understanding what is happening to me and my husband.
I have found the e-book very helpful in centering my confusing thoughts and has helped to try to identify why my husband had this affair (something even he can’t answer). He has now moved out of our home and lives with his sister at the moment. But when I speak to him he certainly doesn’t sound happy. In fact as you suggested when speaking to him I sound extremely positive and upbeat which I think has thrown him slightly. I feel like I
have taken control again.
I learned more about myself and I think it is helping my husband to better understand my affair. He has so many questions that I am unable to answer. We are reading it separately but are making notes so that we can sit together and be able to talk about it. I want nothing more than to make things work with my husband and I will never be able to unless he sees that it was not his fault but had more to do with me. I am seeking counseling for my behavior patterns. We come in at a 8-9 probability that our marriage will work out but it is more important to me that HE is able to cope and heal. I was in such despair when I found your book on the internet. It came with such relief that I had to download it immediately and begin reading. Thank you.
Bob, ten minutes after reading the book…it changed my life!
…When we separated, after a month, I wanted him back, but he rejected me, and I think maybe out of being scared, but I don’t really know the true answer. Shortly thereafter, I met a man and dated him………..LET ME TELL YOU THAT NUMBER 4 ON YOUR Break Free was my situation……….TO A “T”………..We dated for about 2 and half, 3mos and I was gone…………Your words are RIGHT ON! And my husband, did all the things you said, chased, begged, called all the time……………It turned me off completely…………I know I can tell you, if he would have left me alone, I would have been back sooner without a doubt. When reality hit me, I decided off and on that I needed to work on myself and my inner need had to be filled by me and no one else………..I have done a complete 180 and feel so much better about who I am today………….In the meantime, we are both seeing the same counselor, just not together….. One weekend, I called my husband with this desire to restore our marriage…….and WHAM he meets someone. Now through the words of the counselor, the 2 days before he met her, he said he still loved me, was holding out for me, and didn’t want our daughter in a broken home…………..Then he meets her and is doing ALL THE THINGS I SAID AND DID during my time with my “affair”……….I can firmly say, that with what I know and how I know my husband………that NUMBER 6 is probably about 80-90 percent on of where he is in his “affair”……
Hi Bob: I know that you must receive hundreds of emails everyday so I am impressed that you would take the time out to listen to me. After fully reading and re-reading my recently purchased ebook, I was able to discern not only the type of affair that my husband is having, but also my best course of action. I was guilty of behaving in one of the 12 unattractive behaviors and knew that I needed help. Thankfully, Google found you and I am on a better track now. I can only say one thing to you Bob, “Thank You” for the insight and support that your ebook has given me. I am sure that not only would I have continued to make bad mistakes during this situation, but possibly even given up. I am a survivor!!! “I Will Make It!!”
I wish I had had this information weeks ago. I have made some terrible mistakes….darn near everyone of the things I wasn’t supposed to do. Not that I have any idea if it would have stopped his affair or repaired our relationship…….I think it was too far gone, at least for me, I just wouldn’t be feeling so poorly about myself at the moment.
I have left my boyfriend, because I just couldn’t deal with his behavior anymore. I am hoping not to reconcile, but feel better about myself, stop accepting the guilt and blame he has put on me for his behavior and move onto to a healthy relationship. I’ve wasted two and a half years on someone who has just tossed me aside. Barbara
Dear Dr Bob, Thank you so much for all your help. My daughter, who was also having problems, put me in contact with you initially. We have both found your suggestions so practical, sane and helpful and we intend buying your book in hard cover. Diane
…As soon as I read “I can’t say No”, it jumped out at me and like you said at least I know what I’m up against. I am looking forward to the newsletters and I’m sure at some point and time I could really use the chat room. I usually keep it all inside and it drives me crazy so it is good to know there is someone out there. Nancy
I got your e-book the day I found out that my husband is cheating on me. He’s the #7 type..always ambiguous about everything especially about our relationship. You don’t know how relieved I am to finally understand his issues. I was so close to losing it and I still have moments. Millie
Bob: Bought your e-book yesterday and I am a new man. I discovered my wife was having an affair about four weeks ago. I was depressed, needy, weak, etc.. After reading your book last night, I have an entirely new attitude. I realize it wasn’t about me. Great book. It was probably a life saver. Thank you.
Hi,I downloaded the ebook, about 20 minutes ago, and obviously skipped to the relevant points. I cannot believe that in 20 minutes, I feel so GOOD. Not about him, not about the affair, not about saving the “relationship”, (I don’t call it that now,) But about ME! Liz
Reading your 7 do’s, then 12 don’ts… played exactly into my situation. Of course, this was at 3am while my “wife” was sleeping somewhere else. The twist is that it’s in the open, and we both talk about it… however, it’s usually involved the 12 don’ts. I memorized the 7 do’s, recited them over and over… and I was singing in the shower this morning. And the perfect song came on the radio while driving into work (Soul Dragons / I’m Free). Eric
Bob: Doing great. Amazing how taking care of yourself lessens the pain of what you have been through. Since I left him, four weeks ago, I have lost 20 lbs, walk about 4 miles a day, stopped drinking (was only a social drinker), started taking vitamins and supplements and did something I have always wanted to do……enrolled in a Tae Kwon Do class! Conversely, since I have left him, he’s begun drinking a lot more, has a black eye (insists he walked into a closet door in the middle of the night) and doesn’t look very healthy at all…..actually looks bloated and like he’s not taking care of himself. Good living and the results thereof is the best revenge of all. And karma always comes around to smack you in the head in the end. Your jumpstart helped me to keep from losing my dignity by doing vengeful things to him and her. I still have “fantasies” about hurting both him and her, but instead of anger fantasies and rage, they have turned into humorous fantasies about their life together and what harm they will be to each other. I’ve finally realized he doesn’t deserve me, but they definitely deserve each other. It’s very freeing to “let” things happen as they will, instead of negative “plotting” of things that I would never have the energy or time (anymore) to put into play. Thank you for having your website. I can imagine if I hadn’t found it, my outlook on life right now would be very bleak indeed. As it is, I feel better about myself than I have in a long time and know that the next time around, I am going to make better choices about who I allow into my life. Barbara
Your e-book is very helpful. I have not quite figured out if he is a number 1 affair or the person who can’t say no. It made me feel a lot better to know that they have a 80% failure rate too. (lol) I have talked to him a few days ago and the woman he cheated with can’t stand him to talk to me and worries if he see me. They too seem to have some trust issues. Isn’t that funny? I do still want to marry him, but I have decided to put some space between us. Sylvia
Bob,I know that I spent $50.00 for your book. I found it to be very good, I have identified the type of affair and I think I’m working the plan. Thank You!!! Larry
Your web site and your e-Book really helped me to clear my head and take a positive approach. The rage, anger and confrontation don’t help (except short term) – in the end you have to face this whole mess rationally and deal with it best you can. If we can save our marriage then great otherwise at least one if us will be mentally healthy. Alyson
I am currently home from Baghdad, Iraq for a few weeks and my wife has been having an affair while I have been deployed. Today, while searching the web for divorce and or annulment information I came across your website and ordered the e-book “How to Break Free From the Affair”. I haven’t stopped reading since I downloaded it earlier today. Wade
Dear Bob. Somehow I removed part 2 of my series on surviving an affair. Could you please e-mail it to me again? I find these tid bits so helpful. Woody
So I’m using your book to help me with my self esteem, my methods of dealing with him not only as my husband who cheated on me but as my husband who has some thinking to do. I get a lot of strength from your b0ok. Jeanne
I now have the tools to recognize the signs of a cheating spouse……One of the most powerful lesson for me is that INTUITION is gold. The whole time my gut was screaming…..I KNEW all along that something was terribly wrong. With your book I was able to use the charge neutral method..it was very effective in getting my husband to open up about his issues. Liz
I’ve NEVER felt more aware of things in my entire life….your book has open up my eyes….thank Beth
I wish I’d read your book earlier, I fell right into every trap you said you should not do…I did. I just wanted my feeling expressed, and did not want to look back thinking I was stubborn and should had said/done everything I could. Your right, it sent him into her arms. He is currently asked for divorce, and has planned a future with her. Everyone, even he knows it will not work….but he has turned into someone, no one recognized. Tina
“Break Free From the Affair?” helped me remain calm and poised, with dignity and strength. To be myself and to be sincere in that approach. To only do what feels natural, not forced or fake. Gloria
You hit the nail on the head when you said that a depressed and sad person was not attractive. the more i found out about his affair, the more depressed i got and less attractive. but now that i read the book, oh how i have picked myself off the floor and am enjoying the little things in life. now he calls me all day long wanting to know what i am up to. i am done fighting and yelling. my weapon will be simply to “enjoy life”. he will now be more interested in what i am doing than what the other woman is doing cause my life will be more interesting than hers.thank you.
Dear, Dr. Huizenga, Your book is proof of your years of research. I couldn’t believe what I was reading it was so on target. I’ve bought a ton of books…. “Spiritual Divorce”. “I Really Don’t Want A Divorce”, I’ve used the bible , scriptures… nothing has helped… I feel so sad and angry. Its like I hate him and love him. But your book has put a lot in perspective. Anyway, your publication is the best I’ve read in the past 18 months.. Thank you so much… Andrea
I was able to identify the type of cheater my Soon To Be X Husband Is (Don thin I’m crazy, but I’m still in love and very much want my family back together again. On the other hand, I don’t trust him and I am hurt. Especially for our 12 year old son. My self esteem has hit rock bottom. Because I never cheated in my 15 year marriage there are no old friends to call. Most importantly I’ve realized that THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. Jose
I had already come to the conclusion that being positive is the best way forward, but I wasn’t really sure. My painful experience has caused “negative” emotions to return time and time again – often at a moment’s notice due to simple things like a particular smell or object which have associations. My head thinks positive, but my heart screams pain. Your book as already helped tremendously in keeping my attitude positive. Also, in keeping cool when my wife picks at ever smaller “negative” characteristics of my personality/actions which have obviously bugged her over many years and are now coming out into the open. Most powerful and important learning’s from your book. 1. That there is hope 2. That it’ll take a while – years maybe – until we’re back on an even relationship. This is good to know from the outset.3. That there is much I can do to save the situation. This turned my thoughts and feelings of helplessness around upon the first reading of the book. Yes I have subsequently re-read it many times. Sorry, I’m not so far that I don’t need reinforcement from time to time ! Carl
Since it was only yesterday I learned of the affair, I haven’t been able to really try some of the suggestions. Though, I must say, it HAS helped me keep my emotions under control. I tried talking with him a little last night, but he wasn’t very receptive; however, I didn’t receive the “blowup” response or just “walking away” with no communication from him that I had anticipated. I used a little of the Neutral Charge and a little of the Charge Neutral techniques. I believe this took him completely off guard. I also looked him square in the eye and HE actually lowered his. I couldn’t believe it!!! He couldn’t look me in the eyes. THAT has never happened before. I kept my voice low, using a tone that sounded more as if I were really listening and trying to understand, not sounding upset, accusatory, or judgmental. I don’t believe I am a very naive person, though my heart tends to bleed. However, he did appear to be truly upset, depressed, dejected, and almost disgusted with himself. Again…. thank you so very much for your How to Break Free from the Affair ebook!!! I can’t say how I would have reacted without it… but I can say with the utmost surety…. it would not have been the right response at all!! Natasha
Found book very helpful. Read it 3 times was engrossed in it. I learned how to control my temper and feelings. Larry
I thank you – Dr. Bob, from the bottom of my heart!! It is not simply that it is business for you, but your words are often encouraging and means so much to people like myself in times of distress!! I want to give you a sincere word of thanks from the bottom of my heart. Nothing I read is has been as touching, supportive and helpful as this letter I received and the article you sent. Helen
Dear Dr. Bob, I wanted to comment about the writing skills. They are excellent! The material sometimes makes me cry and other times makes me laugh. I find myself wanting to read them over and over and am learning a tremendous amount. Thank you! Tami
Dear Dr. Bob Your e-mails are very helpful. There seems to be a lot of wisdom and so many things said that are important. I am trying to process(sometimes have a little difficulty with this one, as things are said which are deep, it seems to take time for me to figure it out) apply, and use the material in a positive way that contributes to the growth and health of personal relationships. I greatly appreciate the time you put into this site and wonder where your intelligence comes from. It sounds as though you’ve had quite a bit of education. Thank you for putting it to good use and being helpful to others. I rank this kind of professionalism right up there with physicians and surgeons who make tremendous improvements in the lives of others through their skills. There are not enough of you in this world. Sometimes the truth really hurts but is necessary in the healing process. Thank you again. Maggie
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I will keep you informed but find your information extremely helpful and comforting. WOW! I have stopped any and all counseling, speaking to others like family and friends. I am using your book as a step by step guide to recovery and knowledge. One source and nothing else… to many cooks in the kitchen and your book really is helping me regain control, THANK YOU! Just let me know that you received this and knowing you are there HELP A LOT!! THANK YOU BOB! Antony
I didn’t know the “types” of affairs. I walked in to my office and my husband, Drew, was reading the download of “Break Free” he looked up and said “I’m not sure if I’m #1 or #4. He had a really weird look on his face. He asked if he could print a copy and take it with him. Jill
It was as if he read your book and followed everything to a tee. It was interesting to see his personality and the other woman’s personality. I was eaten up with guilt and what I should have and should not have done. This helped me to see his responsibility in the relationship. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Kathy
Your no-nonsense approach provides me with a structure to think about all the things that haunt me and make me feel so powerless. In fact, it takes me quite some time to translate your strategies into something I might say, but at least it is a source of inspiration for ‘innovative communication’ and when things go sour I think of the do’s and don’ts. It is not so easy to classify the affair as a single type in our case, but it is interesting to see the links between personality, sort of affair, and above all, what can possibly be done, what should be avoided, why things work and why other things don’t under the circumstances. Caroline
I thought I had done something wrong in my 24 years of marriage. The book has made me see that I am not crazy, I do not deserve my husbands lies and cheating, and that all my anxious and desperate feelings are normal. Given time and healing I may live a normal life, that at 45 I am not at the end. There is hope for me. My husband cannot say no, never has and never will. Type 2 affair relates to him and I was astounded at the likeness. Marge
My wife and i are 4 months into our journey. Your e-book helped me identify her personality and put a lot of things into perspective. We are going to counseling and I believe we will make it through this ordeal. But i found your book to be right on.. Keith
The response techniques you advise the person dealing with the cheater work remarkably. I’m dealing with an explosive “I can’t say no” person, and have been able to diffuse a lot of situations. I would have charged superior or defensive rather than neutral and calm. Life saving so far! Thank you.. Kim
Bob – I am doing much better since I found your site- its funny but some of your advice is just so basic but when your emotions are involved, its tough to see the forest for the tree’s. Thanks so far for your advice – Jon
Your book has helped me with my communication skills with my husband to try and understand his side of the affair. It is definitely a beginning point for starting over. Thanks. Janet
Dr.Bob Huizenga, Your ebook is very helpful. I had read Divorce Remedy and Surviving an affair but I have doing it all wrong. This gave me more insight into the dynamic of what is going on and gave me strategies to work on, something I had a hard time planning out using the other two books. Thank you, Beth
Read as much as I can about affairs to find out what I’m dealing with Discover ‘Break Free From The Affair’ Hallelujah! Cassandra
I have found your ebook and this 21 day jump start course helpful beyond words. In addition to my counselor, you are helping me take steps and open doors that I have felt were closed to me for so long. Thanks to your prompting, I have begun to surround myself and my three sons (ages 8, 6 and 3) in a cocoon o’ love. So, as simple as it sounds, thank you very much. Melissa
I downloaded the ebook just fine and read until 3 a.m. (I don’t sleep well these days). I have been going through so many emotions and crying sprees and no matter how strong I tried to be, or talk myself up, I couldn’t get moving in a good direction. I really want to thank you for the sound advice and I was able to identify what I wanted to do regarding my marriage! For the first time in 4 months, I didn’t cry today!! Robin
Wow! I really like Bob’s affirming approach about this being a journey. He acknowledges the pain and agony in “the strange foreign land” while at the same time is sees you coming out of this in a very positive way. Everything about him and his advice seems “right on.” I think you found a great coach in Bob. He has specialized in one area…and really knows the patterns and intensity around affairs. He’s also very compassionate and a great communicator who seems to be on target every step of the way. Sue
What was happening could be categorized (the affair is a classic #6) and reading that helped me understand and give me a guideline out of my mental confusion. Someone had been there before me and I was not alone. I have not spoken to anyone except my husband about his affair and am now working through if I will. I had already decided before reading your book to try and make my marriage work and that was also my husband’s choice so it gave me a direction in that task. Jennifer
Dr. Huizenga, I have found your material to be most helpful, if not outright enlightening. I have put into practice some of the guidelines and found them to be useful. As with all tools, you use the ones that are relevant and discard others. I will continue to work on the issues at hand. Hopefully, I will have some clarity and resolution to this situation soon. David
Thank you very much for the encouraging and supportive ebook. Best, Melissa
I have found the ebook and all the other resources on the site extremely helpful. I caught my husband back in April 2004, with his secretary. They had been having an affair for a couple of months. It took me till the end of June to get rid of her and I’m still not sure how that happened. My husband I seem to making it and growing somewhat stronger although he does not like to talk about it. Now that its over he of course says it was never me, he made a huge mistake, he loves me doesn’t like change etc. He wants to go back to exactly the way it was. Me, no way.I was always at his beck and call, wore things fixed my hair etc the way he liked to please him. What the hell did it get me?? cheated on. That OBVIOUSLY didn’t work. I wont ever go back. I find myself getting stronger. I love him, want to save the marriage and make it stronger, but I’m determined it will be on MY terms. The ebook is helping me to do that. Thanks Catherine
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW GREAT YOUR PROGRAM IS, I BELIEVE THAT IT WAS THE WILL OF GOD THAT CAUSED ME TO STUMBLE UPON YOUR PROGRAM ON THE INTERNET. I DID NOT KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO UNTIL YOU GAVE ME DIRECTION.THANKS, DONNIE
It’s still to soon to say to what degree for the results my heart wishes and longs for but Break Free is just what I needed for ME! It has helped me express to him in language that is not blaming, ,judgmental and expressed calmly and from my heart without sounding pathetic and needy. I must tell you that right after I read the book.. I couldn’t just put it down. I stayed up until around 7 AM so that I could compose a message to him to receive when he arrived at work. After I told him of my surprise learning of the 7 different types of affairs and how the book shows and describes what the characteristics of the person having the affair are then gives what the spouse’s response should be after the spouse questions seriously if they are able and willing to do and it also gives a scale of odds rating in relationship to the type of affair and suggested directions to follow to Break Away from the Affair and get our lives back on track. He asked me to read some to him. He said what he heard sounds solid. Then…..He said he couldn’t sleep and he thought he might come home tomorrow. Bert
After reading the book, I realize the pain my husband is going through. Also, for my husband, it was very useful for him to read that the affair was NOT caused by him, but rather by me. He is using your advice to make himself stronger for himself. We are both using your advice to find a way to get our marriage back on track. Susan
I read through your e-book yesterday when I received it. Well worth the money.
…understanding the different types of cheaters — amazingly accurate. Charles
I think the “How to Use this Book” section sets a great tone. The 7 things to do and 12 things not to do are FABULOUS! Very simply presented and the tone is very comforting. I felt like I can really get through this. Evelyn
Greetings Bob, Your e-book is excellent. It has helped me 200% !! I am at a place of “calm and peace” after reading the e-book. Prior to receiving your book, I was a total mess, after discovering my husband’s affair. I was shocked, emotionally devastated, confused and traumatized. I blamed myself and did all the things that you have listed as “Do not …”. I am totally happy with the way the information is detailed in your book. Thank you. I am so grateful. I would not have been able to cope with my husband’s affair, if I had not received your book. Thank you, thrice I thank you. Theresa
Dear Bob, Helpful, scary, and enlightening, but money well-spent. THANK YOU!. I have a lot of hard work in front of me. I’m glad I found this. Best Regards, Patrick
I must say i have never had a complete change in my attitude in 8 hours, as i did the day i read your book. I have to keep going back to it on the many bad days though. thank you
I used some of the phrases and attitudes in conversations with my spouse with very powerful results. I have done some writing and come to some very surprising results about my feelings and needs. It’s been a very powerful compliment to personal counseling. Karen
Thank you very much! Just reading it (Break Free From The Affair) has helped me a lot already. Your book is a blessing to me. Marilyn
I am already feeling so much better and want to be sure and receive all the information I can. Thank you so much!!
Dear Bob, I am the other person, woman, in a 3 year affair. I found your book 2 days ago and it is helping me greatly. You see, he promised me he was leaving her, that we had a future together, that his marriage was unsaveable. So I justified my behavior accordingly, that I really wasn’t destroying anything that was already destroyed. In my frustration I called his wife last week and told her what was happening. She tells me Yes they have been intimate. He swore on his sons life over these years they haven’t. So I feel cheated on too. In essence, she has been very gracious to me given the circumstance and we communicate. I want to project my energy constructively as hurt as I am, to help them survive. I gave her the name of your book last night and told her to disguise it with another slipcover. I know it will help her. You write what I always suspected, and you write with excellent clarity I must say. Sincere thanks, Stephanie
hey bob, great book! helped me out a ton. very grateful that you wrote that book. Dave
I have already read the eBook. It has some excellent advice and I have started to apply some of the basic principles – and already seen a small improvement in the way my wife interacts with me. Colin
I will say that your materials have given me some very helpful perspectives, are changing the way I view life and helping me to work on me. Thanks, Torin
I just wanted you to know that having had a breakdown a few nights ago where I was raving and ranting and fighting to discovering how I could focus on myself has made me feel so much lighter and dare I say happier. I can’t wait to go through the jump start course to see where it gets me and move forward. Jawahar
I’ve already finished reading Break Free From the Affair. Very good information. Unfortunately, I’ve been using the 12 unattractive tactics so far. I can’t wait to get home and switch to the 7 powerful tactics. Thanks Again, Roger
I can’t find my copy of my download and my id will no longer work, please send me another copy. It was so accurate that I looked at it and put it away quickly because the news was not what I wanted to hear. Now I desperately need to read it again to stay on course. thank you so much. Patricia
I found the e-book very comprehensive and had the most nagging questions I had answered. I found the format ideal, a quick and easy read. It was explained in everyday terms and gave logical, concise ideas and solutions. Beth
…this is a manual that one refers to time and again. In order to make the changes needed one needs to keep coming back to the source that is telling you how to. Pat
Dear Dr. Huizenga: I have already figured out that my wife is a 4 (hmm……can we think of a homonym? just kidding!) and I was reading the characteristics and laughing out loud. You have her dead on, as well as my responses to the affair. I will read through the whole piece, as well as the book and look to see what’s best for our family (we have a 10 year old special needs child). JH
Hi Bob, Just wanted to say that the e-book is very helpful… its just what I needed. It’s provided me with some great insights and perspectives, reassurance and guidance. I was kind of stumbling along, trying to act how I thought was right, but now I know for sure. Its given me the strength and patience to go on. I’m very happy with the book, no refund necessary! Thanks for writing it!
Bob I’m in the Early days but so far has been useful! It’s difficult to break from what is instinctive. Rosemary
It was surprisingly reassuring to know that there were descriptions and explanations for what I am going through and how my wife has been behaving. It is easy to assume that no one has ever experienced what I have endured. Matthew
Thank you bob. You have been most helpful and i can now look forward to the future with my husband. Once again thank you so very much. regard Gail
Thank you so much. Found out my wife was having an affair Yesterday. Bought your book tonight online and already feel better about the possibilities of having a better relationship with her in the future. Thanks again! mik
Hello Dr. Bob, just for the record, reading your work thus far has helped me absorb the shock of betrayal, and why I failed in handling it. When I found you last week I was at rock bottom (for about the 10th time), having consumed resource after resource and still having the social life of road kill! At least, with the help of your exercises and encouragement, this week I am brushing away the negative cycle of dis-empowerment, guilt, and replacing it with….”who cares about that negative stuff…let’s get on with it!” thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t learn about you last October because it may have saved our relationship! peace, Keli
Thank you so much. Your book makes so much sense. It has been over a year since my world fell apart but only after reading your book do I feel a sense of closure and healing. Thank you so much. Kim
Thank you very much for your e-mails which gave me a lot of moral support and useful information. After reading your messages I felt stronger and more determined to succeed. Please keep on sending me the e-mails so that I can continue swimming upstream.
God bless you, Marian
Your e-book impelled me put things in better perspective. Helped me learn to respond more effectively to issues concerning the affair. Lynda
Dear Mr. Huizenga, In one word “AWESOME”. Your book has been an absolute life saver. I’m not Married but was getting pretty close until this happened. My girlfriend would fit under the “I need to Prove My Desirability” category. Your book has given me incredible insight into this type of behavior. Having this knowledge has given me comfort in a very uncertain situation. Paul
Dr Bob, Your wonderful book has helped my wife and I escape from our prospective affairs. ( Her a #7, me a classic #6). While the e-mail version has been adequate for me, my wife would be more comfortable reading the printed version. We’re wondering if you would be so kind as to send us a printed version of this valuable material. Thank you in advance. Rex
Dear Bob: I wanted to thank you for your e-mails. I always look for them every other day. Rhonda
I’ve read a number of books on separation and affairs and this is by far the easiest to understand and most helpful. Lisa
Your site is really helping me threw my husbands affair. I only learned about it three weeks ago so it is still a shock and all that but I’m glad my sister-in-law suggested your site right away. Angie
I have found your e-book & e-mails to be enlightening. Jerri
>We have gone to 2 different therapists/counselors, yet neither shoot straight from the hip like your material does. I have purchased your book but I was wondering if you know of any good resources for counselors in the xxxxxxxx area? Thanks for a response, Heather
Hi Bob, I’ve read much of the book and I see exactly where my relationship fits in. It has been very helpful in identifying my wife behavior. I’ve been married for 25 yrs. and I see the patterns as clear as day. Now I have too make a decision going forward. It will not be easy, in fact, it will be very painful. Terry
Thank you very much for all the free material I have been receiving last weeks. I read over and over again every last word and it helped me so much. I wish I’d had a chance to read it eight years ago, but it seems things happen when we are ready to cope with and move on. Lea
Dr. Huizenga, I have to say that your book has been “just what the doctor ordered.” I SO needed something to not only help me understand what I was feeling, but to validate that these feelings were “normal..” since normalcy was the thing that has been most impacted by the events in my life leading to the quest for this book. Jeffrey
The daily updates have really talked me down from the tree! Heather
The book spoke directly to me in language that I could easily understand. It gave me crucial information about the type of affair my husband has been having (possibly for 10 years!) and made me feel that I was definitely on the right path in my response to his/their behavior. Martha
Dr. Huizenga, Thanks again for your great work; I can really feel my life being impacted by the wisdom that you share in your book and in your e-mails. Jeffrey
Bob: Your book has been very helpful. I have some restored hope and a better way of dealing with our problem. I don’t have time right now to detail that but I would like to tell you in the future. Great Book! Tod
The book is really a god-send. In one quick overview, I feel I have tools to use instead of just wondering what happened and why. Thank you. Mary
I know that you have heard this before, but I am so very gracious for your Emails and advice. This has maybe been the most difficult thing I have ever gone through. Your guidance and support is so appreciated, and I wish to convey my gratitude. I will write more later but I just wanted to tell you thanks so much. This has been the trial of my life. Thank you Nathan
Bob, The more I read and reread break free the more sense it makes!
I want to thank you for the very helpful information. I’m already getting positive results. Best Regards, JEFF
Dr. Huizenga,The book is extremely helpful. It has helped me know how to act and treat my husband so we can move past this. The only thing I don’t know is how to let go of the anger and hatred towards the other woman and if I will ever trust him again. Anne
>Dr. Bob, Thanks for writing such an informative book. My wife and I are working through an affair of hers that she broke off a little over two years ago which I discovered about a month ago ( a classic #7). Yes, I’m working through some intense jealousy but I am coming to terms with her being intimate with another man. Meanwhile, I finally confessed to a one night stand (classic #6) which happened about 4 years ago. Your book has really given us some talking points and honestly, we realize we are still deeply in love after 23 years together. We agree that you have a great deal of insight about infidelity and were amazed that you described almost exactly to a “T” our situations. She just kept quietly repeating “wow” as she read. Rex
Hi Bob, The book is really helping. I found out about the affair 3 weeks ago, and was completely devastated as thought we had a great marriage. Since then it has been very up and down. I said if he wanted to leave and go to her then he should, but I wouldn’t throw him out. I have been tearful and needy though, requiring reassurance and love that he couldn’t/wouldn’t give me – apparently I’m his best friend in the whole world, but he doesn’t feel “like that” about me any more. Having got through what I thought was the worst of it, we went right back to square 1 last week when I found that he was still in contact with her. Since reading the book, I’ve stopped telling him I love him, backed off and am being really cheerful and upbeat. He is clearly confused, but has moved back into our bedroom, which I guess is a good sign. The best thing is that by pretending to be happier, I actually feel happier. I know there’s lots still to get through, but I feel more able to deal with it now. Thanks Pam
Hello Bob, I would like to thank you for your help, without which I would surely be in a much worse state today! David
>Dear Bob: The e-book has been very helpful. My husband is in the “I want to be more desirable stage” category. I am trying my best to hang in there – a lot of pain right now. I tried some of your suggestions and his reaction was pretty on point with what you mention in the book. Sharissa
The characteristics of my husband was all there in your written description, it was shocking! Sylvia
Hi Dr Bob, Thanks for the advice in the e-book. I have managed to identify that my husband is in the “Fell out of Love (and just love being in love)” affair. This has given me some insight about what is going on in these crazy times. It hurts like hell but I am now convinced I will make it, with or without him. Regards, Jin
Bob, I do realize (ever the cynic) that what you are running here is a good business, and you probably have plenty of emails to cope with; but I felt I must send you a message to say that your book (albeit very “American” in outlook and grammar for a classic “middle class” Englishman!!) together with the articles etc. are extremely beneficial, but (why an I so surprised?) SPOT ON! Like many people, I guess, I purchased your book on a highly emotional, “depressed beyond belief” type day, when, frankly, anyone could have sold me anything. But actually (as I was at least half way through my wife’s affair which has been running for over a year) what first amused me was just how many of the points you have amassed had actually happened, almost verbatim, and how closely my own behavior patterns had actually followed your theories to the letter. I’m not out of the water yet, far from it, but until I learned how to even vaguely pull myself together (I still slip, but far less frequently now) did I see any chance of survival, and indeed, (not following myself at all) our relationship is slowly, but very surely, improving and I can see some daylight at last. Nicholas
Hello Dr. Bob. I am writing to thank you for having your website and your book available – It has been a real lifesaver for me. A voice of reason when I am faced with the nonsense of my unfaithful wife. Ed
Hello Dr. Huizenga, Thank you for all your kind advise and help through this. Again, thanks for your help. I read your emails and advise often, sometimes repeatedly to help me through this. Candace
Every free minute I have I am reading Break Free From the Affair. It is very helpful. I just hope that I can save my marriage. My husband has already moved out and me and our 2 kids really want to work things out. Deanne
Dear Bob, I have been reading everything that I have ordered from you and all of your emails. They are wonderful and have been very helpful. Beth
I learned from you book,”Break Free From the Affair?” That I am not alone. This was his choice, not mine. I will survive – with or without him and our marriage. There are different types of affairs and marriages are salvageable after an affair. I am not stupid for still wanting to try and make the marriage work. Thanks. laura
Hi Coach Bob, Trust you are very well. Thanks for your guidance! Your material has put my wife and myself onto the first steps toward recovery.
May you be blessed, Henk
“Break Free From the Affair” has been great. I have read it several times.Every time I start feeling the pain and anger inside I go to the book and it helps calm me down and think straight and focus on the big picture. Doug
Very helpful. I used the techniques for 4 days and my girlfriend came around and realized what she what missing out on. She cheated on me because the relationship was failing and now we have the opportunity to really connect. I did everything wrong, especially arguing and reasoning. it was almost zen like. as soon as I accepted the situation things improved dramatically. like you said that which we resist persists. How true. Matt
The book has some very good ideas, and explained much of what I am going through. In only having ready it twice yesterday, I am sure that I will devour it many more times, and try to apply the advice. Mark
Dear Coach Bob, I appreciate the sound and practical advice and techniques. I also appreciated reading over and over….that IT IS NOT ME!!!! I was feeling very rejected and worthless at one point. But I have gained greater confidence and I am seeing that my husband has caught himself in something and it is all because of his choices and emotional and mental and spiritual state. I am trying desperately to work on ME now. I just wish I would have had this information sooner. I feel like I have blown it because for 11 months, I have done many things that you say NOT to. Had I done it sooner, could we be in a better place? Would the affair be over? I will always wonder???? Joyce
BREAK FREE FROM THE AFFAIR IS EXCELLENT & THE WEBSITE WAS LITERALLY A LIFE SAVER DURING THE FIRST FEW WEEKS AFTER THE DISCOVERY OF THE AFFAIR WHEN MY PAIN WAS MOST ACUTE. IT SHOWED ME THAT THERE WAS HOPE AND THERE WAS A WELL TRODDEN PATH TO RECOVERY. THERE MAY BE NO WAY OF AVOIDING PAIN, BUT AT LEAST I WOULDN’T HAVE TO WALLOW IN IT INDEFINITELY. MAEVE
The identification of the types of affair provided great insights. “My Marriage Made Me Do It” was almost a verbatim description of what my husband said to me. It was good to hear that it is not the marriage (though there were obviously problems), but his choice to have an affair.The knowledge that his affair is only creating another layer of problems is quite empowering. That I am not that problem, it his fear, inadequacy and other significant problems he is currently facing that have caused him to make this decision. Charge neutral, charge neutral – I have been trying this in my communication with him (that and a lot of silence) and it is working. Also that the messaging should be about him was a good, aha. I feel stronger and he is looking at me as if “what is going on here.” I knew my marriage was over before I found out about the fair (my spouse decided to tell me we were done a few days after I was home from the hospital after major surgery). That was abandonment number one; the second was the discovery of the affair. Your book has given me great insights into their affair at a time of unbelievable personal pain. Your book is helping me cope on an intellectual basis which is then assisting me deal with all of this at an emotional level. Jackie
I have found your book to be a great comfort. Primarily the 7 types of affair, it was comforting to know exactly what I was dealing with. The accuracy of the person’s characteristics was shocking but reassuring in the same instance. I know the road in front is going to be a great challenge but at least I know to some degree what it is I am dealing with. I cannot thank you enough. Donna
“Break Free From the Affair” was great, I appreciate it very much. Donna
Your web site has been such a help in these difficult times. Angi
Hello Dr. Huizenga,I love your website, thank you so much for your wonderful insight!!! Victoria
Thanks Bob, I am an experienced garden variety counselor (former pastor) and I find what you have written to be the most honest, straightforward and helpful thing that I have read. And I have read a lot. Lederer-Jackson, Satir, etc, etc have just started looking through the articles in the left column of the website. They are invaluable! They have put so many things into perspective, helped me to keep my sanity, and to stop the damage I was unintentionally doing. Greg
this book has been a life saver and the wisdom it contains cannot be ignored. Towella
I cannot tell you how much you made me understand what lies behind an affair and how it can be handled differently, particularly without anger which thanks to you I was able to let go of. Jennie
Hi Bob, When I downloaded the book on Monday night the 27th I couldn’t stop reading it until I finished it. I have gotten so much out of the book that I literally felt the bricks lift off my shoulders because I had gotten so possessed by where he was and what he was doing and who he was talking to that I couldn’t work or couldn’t concentrate on anything but that. I am so grateful that I found your website. Candace
I would have done things different if I had this book 2 years ago. I see how I made things a lot worse with the way I reacted. I used most of the 12 tactics. I have a better understanding now. I feel better this week than I have for a long time. Linda
I have read your book and have found it a life line. RB
Your book has been very helpful! Gosh, is this tough! After 25 years of marriage, I just don’t get it. I don’t think I could have made it without the book and I think I would like to talk to you. I will check out your website again later today and see about scheduling something. Thank you so much for all your insight. I don’t know what I would have done without it! Much obliged, Roxanne
The constructed responses are very helpful .. I’m not really thinking all to clearly so it helps to have some guidelines. Lori
Is your E-book helpful?? OH MY GOD!!! YES, YES, YES!!! Whoever YOU are, YOU are a Godsend. Not only does your e-book address the EMOTIONAL roller coaster I and others are on, but it also address the practical side of healing as well as DEALING with everyday issues! Your e-book is wonderful! Everyone should make it a priority to purchase if they find themselves in this horrible situation. Diedra
Dear Bob, I have recently purchased your “Break free from the Affair” e-book and It really has been an eye opener, I feel that my husband maybe a #4 but with other bits thrown in. I would like to have an opportunity to discuss with you further. I feel that i am on tract with taking care of myself, but would like to have a conversation with you. Sharmaine
“Break Free From The Affair” helped me understand the type of affair my wife had had (Need to feel desirable) and what both she and I needed to do (and not do!). Also confirmation of the likely positive prognosis was important to us as we both strongly feel that our marriage is basically sound and neither of us understood why the affair had occurred and so whether it was likely to happen again. Tony
Dear Bob,Thank you so very much for sending me the Need Less program. It downloaded perfectly this time! And thank you for all you do for those of us who are hurting. I have told others in my situation about your web-site. I consider you and the knowledge you are sharing to be one of the many blessings I have been given.
hi, yes im feeling very sad. i must say that your words even though are very tough said but have sort of “hit me in the face” and sort of made me feel some what a little better. it is interesting how you use this specific phrase: “I love you,” means I’m sad. It feels sad to see the relationship and dreams crumble. It’s sad to feel the distance, mistrust, pain and agony. It’s sad to think of that which might never happen. It’s sad to think of maybe not growing old with you.” wow, you really hit the jackpot with those words. this is exactly what i feel and also most of the other “i love you” phrases. but this one mainly because we have/had a great relationship and all we have done all this years, to my understanding, is try to fulfill these dreams which now i don’t know where we are….. Mar
So far I have read the book three times and I think it has answered all my questions. Ana
the “what not to do” section has been invaluable as before I was doing exactly those things and now I have stopped them! ( I actually cringe at how I reacted before, although it was a natural reaction!) the other Item has been to Charge neutral, although my partner cannot understand why I am being “nice” to him. ( I am not! I am just charging neutral) Nicola
I found the book helpful and informative, however my husband moved out last night. He was the one having the affair. Actually 2 affairs, one with another female and one with his job. God bless a cop!!! It’s OK. I’m tired of the fight right now and actually feel like I can breathe once again. I want to read it all again as it helps me understand the what’s and why’s .Thanks. Karen
Hi Dr. Bob,Your book has been helping me get through this. Thanks! Kathy
Thanking you from the bottom of my heart regarding the content of this fabulous book.THANKS AGAIN, For a lifesaver in a book. Jacquie
Thank you for Break Free From the Affair. I knew much of this before but the new matter plus reinforcement of of what I believed to be true has given me new direction and greater peace of mind. Thanks,John
This book was reaffirmation for me, I stumbled threw this on my own (his affair was for a nine year period and it has been a year and half since he has seen or spoke to her) I was soooooooo pleased to read your suggestions on how to deal with this. I did all these things on my own. The good and of course the bad things. The most powerful learning was what kind of an affair he was having. I could of wrote his personalty write-up word for word. So this has she ed so much light on what to do from this point on. I have something to work with now. Cheryl
identifying what type of affair and what the probability of >making it work is the most powerful part of the book. Karen
The books are proving to be extremely helpful, not so much for my partner, but most importantly they have helped me regain some lost confidence and make me see there is a way to end how I am feeling.I have been taking on board everything mentioned in your book, and have learnt my partner is a number 3. It is as though you wrote exactly about him, and the techniques suggested for this type of cheater are really beginning to work, we are talking more and I think he is slowly realizing he runs a serious risk of losing me forever.I cant say yet that we are over all our hurdles, but we are definitely making more progress now that I have your book as a guide. I must admit I was a little skeptical about your books, and really only bought them as a desperate attempt to try anything, but I am so thankful I stumbled upon your website as I now regard your book as invaluable, and I would most definitely recommend to anyone that is going through an affair to read them. The book has really changed my whole outlook on life and on myself. I know now that I am not to blame for what happened, and that I am worth something.something. Thank you so much for all your research, and for making your books personal enough to make me see that I am not alone in what I am going through.
Bob,The e-book is very specific and to the point. I could not stop reading it…I stayed up all night Thursday…I really connected with the type of affair that I am faced with…I now can better understand my hurting and disappointment in my husband. The “What can I Expect” sections are very helpful and reassuring. I am now reading the printed copy and making notes. I feel that I am not crazy after all…sometimes a basket case for short periods, but not crazy.I will take advantage of the free 15 minutes speaking with you. Thank you for caring for me and many others. I will speak with you soon.
The way your information is worded helps me keep peace when I, at the very least, want to shake him silly!!! Maybe even bite a chunk out of him…just kidding. Your program has helped me regain so much, I see a beautiful woman in the mirror now and feel able to handle what life may bring. For the past several years, during the affair, I felt so ugly. And I think I was; the tension, doubts, confusion showed in my face. Once, I was told the truth, there was a release, though it has been very painful. The truth does set one free. Plus, I am smiling more than I have in a very long time. Lisa
Your book was the first resource that I have found that made sense out of a seemingly senseless and crazy affair. Organizing behavior into “types” was very helpful and surprisingly accurate. My husband seems to fall into a Type 2 (unfortunately) and of course this hasn’t been our first round with affairs. Rita
YES! Break Free From the Affair gave me such peace of mind knowing there was answers to my questions as well as things to take action on within myself. Thank you so much.Eileen
My wife said she wanted to leave shortly before I found out about the affair. Your e-book helped me resolve confusion about what happened, and gave me a better feeling about moving on. That’s exactly what I needed. Sean
You have the best customer service follow-up. Kim
Thank you for the missing information, I have copied it off to re-read over & over…it all makes SENSE!!!
Hi Dr Huizenga. Thank you so much for your emails, I must say that your website has really changed things for me and for the better. I have only signed up for the 21 day trial its only 4 days and already I am seeing the difference it has made in my life, when I read the testimonials and some of your encouraging words that I am not alone and that there is nothing wrong with me. M
This is not a question, but a “Thank You” to Becky who so nicely explained to me that the CD that I returned really does work! I had not put it into the computer, but only into CD music players–so I thought that it didn’t work! Thank you for sending it back and explaining to a relatively new computer user how to use the CD. I am used to my kids and the CDs they plug into music players. I am sorry for the inconvenience!! Thanks again! Kathy
Your website is a life-line for me right now. I’m so thankful for this amazing resource. Chen
Just to let you know that the download did go through after all, with the Adobe. A very helpful book. Carolyn
Dear Sir: I am happy and well now! Thank you for the support and interest shown. May your endeavors be prosperous! God bless and thank you so much! Sincerely,Oss
Hi. your answers are so amazing. it has kept me surfing today. Betsey
I appreciate your follow up and concern–
This is a very challenging time for my self and if not for your books I would certainly have been alone–It is very reassuring knowing I have them for review when the going gets tough and I go through my moments of high anxiety– Jon
Thank you so much for this book. I started reading it as soon as I got it. I was so distraught after finding out my husband had been cheating on me with a much younger woman. I couldn’t get this out of my mind. This book is helping me see things from a different perspective. I feel stronger. I had been crying every night uncontrollably in front of my children and after I began reading this book I don’t feel the need to cry anymore. Every now and then I get teary eyes, but soon after I bounce back and feel okay. Irma
Hi Bob, I am finding the Breaking Free very helpful. I also received the “Keeping your Marriage Special e-book. You also offered to send me a third book, however when I went to download it, my browser software shut down. I don’t even recall the name of it. Is it still available to download? Thank you for all of your help. It came at a critical time when if it hadn’t been available, I don’t know what I would have done. (Probably something that I would have later regretted.) Now, I feel more in control. Again, thanks. Adrienne
Dear Dr. Huizenga,
I just wanted to thank you for all the helpful information in “break free from the affair” and the other e-books I ordered. Six months ago, my husband of 13 years began having an emotional long distance affair with a childhood woman friend that culminated into one night of “fooling around” (not sex, he says) when he went to visit some friends in our hometown, 8 hours away. He told me he deeply regretted his actions but at the same time said he realized he “was not in love with me anymore” and that “we were too different” and should “split up”. He was very determined to do this. We have two young boys. I knew we were having problems but of course, i was shocked and devastated. Paralyzed with grief, I was having trouble with even the simplest of tasks, let alone, taking care of my children. After much research and thought, I ordered your program and couldn’t put it down. Reading about the different kinds of affairs and what to do made me realize I was doing a lot of things that were definitely not helping. My husband fell into several categories but the strategies repeated throughout of staying calm, listening, not criticizing or heaping guilt, really worked. He had shut down emotionally but I kept opening up discussions and it soon became clear that he did not really want a divorce. I accepted my role as well in the dissolution of my marriage and set out to change things for good. Today is our wedding anniversary and we are going out to celebrate a new beginning. We are re-learning how to interact with each other so that both of our needs are met and we do not take each other for granted anymore.
One bit of advice I have for anyone going through this is to not beat yourself up when you do fall into the pattern of crying “how can you not love me anymore?”or “please, I’ll do anything” or the angry “this is your doing, not mine”. Because you will do this. Just pick yourself up, calm down and apologize “I’m sorry for what I just said, it’s just that I’m very tired right now”. Always end the conversation on a positive note “I’m sure we’ll come to some sort of agreement, either way”. When my husband saw that I was not going to stop him from leaving, he turned around and stayed. Amazing. Name withheld
Sir. Thank you for the e-book. Yes I have found some insights that were very helpful!Monday I will be sitting down with my wife and hopefully working things out it has been a very trying couple weeks and there is no way to know the out come yet. But I do thank you for your work it was money well spent. Ron
I keep printed out selection by bed to try to keep me on task. I haven’t succeeded yet (either staying on task or winning my wife back) but thanks anyway. It is all good stuff. A very good investment. Chris
Break Free From the Affair has been incredibly helpful. My wife’s affair is a ‘text book’ bad marriage type. It has really helped me understand why and where our marriage had gone wrong and what made her do what she did. I want her back and started using your guide with immediate effect! We have progressed from “No way!” to “Maybe” in just a few days. Thanks so much. I know its a going to be a long haul and chances may be slim but I will do all I can to save this marriage. Tony
Thank you Bob, since fining you web I am a little more at ease and cleared my head to deal with it. You help me to deal with it step by step, but most important, I do not drive myself nuts again, see light now and get myself to work on me.Thanks for helping me out of the swamp.Sincerely and gratefully,Renate :)
Dr. Bob, I discovered your website in a Google search late on Saturday night. Since then, I’ve bought your e-book and read the entire thing. Thank for you for all of the insightful information. I have identified my husband’s affair as Type # 7. (At first I thought it could have been Type 1, but 7 seems a better fit). Cindy
Hi Bob : We spoke several times many months ago …. well believe it or not … after a very long process .. xxxx and I are back together. The divorce is off and our relationship is wonderful… Thanks for the suggestions and encouragement. David
Hi Bob,Thank You very much for all your effort and the emails you sending to me. I am learning so much. God Bless you. Sometimes it is hard to believe the truth but we have too hey. Many Thanks,Viola.
Dear Bob,Your site is just so incredibly helpful and how I wish that I had discovered it before now. How innovative and instructive are the tips, the most useful literature I have ever read. I love the practical step by step instructions that are easy to read and so insightful into how we do what we do. Life changing material. Congratulations. Thank you so much for the regular emails of encouragement, vital at this time. Virginia
Hi Bob,Thank you so much for your e-book “Break Free from the Affair”. I did a quick search on the internet after my husband confessed to having an affair, and have found the ebook incredible helpful in identifying the type of affair exactly, and giving me the confidence and specific actions for a way forwards, for me, for him, and for our family. Sally
Hi Bob,What to say? I guess I am doing better than 2 months ago when he told me about his affairs because he wanted to divorce. I guess I am better now than I was 3 weeks ago when he left the house. A bit better, but still I am overwhelmed. After I found out about his last love, I started to read quite specialized books, but at a certain point in time I had no patient to read them. However I ordered your book and with surprise (even I started with the end, meaning A Hug for you and with the 12 Unattractive, Ugly, Typical Tactics most people use to prolong the affair and guarantee their own misery) I have read the book from the first page to the last one for 4 times so far. Daniela
Dear Dr.Huizenga,I read your “Fell out of Love and had an affair” article and it saved my marriage. I was having an affair and THOUGHT it was because I had fallen out of love with my husband. After reading your article, and after seeing a counselor, I realized I am a “Love Addict”. My husband and I are back together. GH
I feel better after I read the emails. Maryann
Hello Dr. B.Huizenga..You have no idea how much your online articles have helped me…they sure made me get focused.Thank you so much.. Martha
I started to read your book. With in 24 hours, I am already feeling 100% better and I am doing the things that you recommended in the book. I feel strong and happy than I have in two months. I will keep reading the book, it is so helpful.Kindest Regards,Emily
Your e-book so far is right on the money. Joei
Just reading your book gave me my strength back to stand up and face this. Prior to reading your book I felt helpless, confused, and totally depressed.
I did feel much better after reading it. There is hope!! Liz
Dr. Bob, I would like to thanks for all the advice you have given me, i learn a lot lot from those advice. have a great day. rowena.
Your book has really helped me to learn that I am not alone and that I can get through this. Jeff
The understanding and the knowledge of the underlying cause has been unbelievably enlightening regardless of the outcome. I will never see relationships the same. John
The book has provided me with some thought provoking direction. Jeff
Hi Bob,Thank you so much for the e-course. It was really great and got me thinking about many aspects of my situation, which has been going on for 3 years now and just gets more and more complicated as time goes on. David
Dr. Huizenga, I truly find your book to be a great comfort during this trying time. Jennifer
Thanks Bob for the help. It has helped us. Sue
Dr. Huizenga,Thank you for the email. After careful thought and consideration for my spouse and child, I felt that it was in our best interest not to pursue “winning” her back. We decided on a divorce.Thank you for your time. Your e-book was perfect for my situation and it definitely helped me come to a solution on whether to stay with her. I will refer others to you (hopefully, not too many).Thank you,Jeff
thanks for the course & what a revelation it was! Will soon go for the book. Tom
Thank you, all of your information & resources have been priceless. Stephanie
She does not want to have open discussions about the affair and thinks that divulging the information is enough. She is tired of discussing the affair and gets angry if I bring it up. I am examining whether I should stay or get a divorce. Your newsletter and book have helped. My last child will graduate high school in a little over a year and I have committed to myself that I will stay until she graduates. I don’t know today whether I can be happy and commit for that long. Steve
My dilemma is that my former husband had the affair and we are divorced. He is now married to the other woman. I was trying to see if I may have done something to push him away. I can’t afford your book but I really appreciate the 7 pointers you sent me. They made sense and I hope they will help someone that goes through what I have in my life. Kim
I would like to start by saying I have found the advice in your publications to be first class. I am still amazed by how accurately that everything you predicted would happen, happened as it did and your insights into the type of affairs and why they happen. Thomas
Hello Dr. Huizenga, thank you for your email. It has helped just to relax a bit and too get back into my own world. I look forward to the remaining emails from you. Thank you as I don’t feel alone anymore. It is good to have a backup who are professional and not giving advise as to leave him. People can start pushing you around emotionally even if it does come from their heart. So I remained silent on this issue, as I don’t need to hear the worries of my family and friends. Thank you again. Thank God you are there!!! A very much needed service to many people in a confusing time of their lives. anita
Dear Bob,Thank you so much for finding my info and resending, this time it worked! Thank God for your book, it describes everything so well , even the nuances of the most complex feelings and reactions. looking forward to the conference call Nov. 22 ( which happens to be my wedding anniversary…sadly, our 10th). Brooke
have found your book very useful in helping me gain some insight into my partner’s feelings and identify where he is coming from (by way of some of the ‘types’ of affairs and relevant personality traits described). Most importantly, I am finding your advice – particularly that on what NOT to do when trying to save a relationship – vitally helpful – by referring to that part regularly, I am finding the courage and the strength and the ‘tools’ I need to get through right now, and hopefully the ability to help save a potentially great marriage/partnership! Eleni
The book has already been exceptionally useful. After battling for over 18 months to try to understand why my husband did what he did, I now feel that I do understand and how I can take things forward. Many thanks, Annette
I wish I would have found this first! nancy
Hi there Bob: The e-book is great I am not finished yet but can see how valuable it is…….THANKS! Janice
Thanks for your being there. The site helped me a lot and so did the book i bought. God bless you and good luck. Rina
thank you Sir first and for most your ebook helped me out a lot, I am on the road to recovery and saved my marriage, we are starting all over now and loving it, I used your techniques and helped me out a lot, thank and have a Happy Holidays!
I read this book around a year ago. I am not sure whether my boyfriend qualifies for the “Can’t Say No” or “Won’t Say No.” He had characteristics of both scenarios. I am more willing to bail now that I was around that time and have started seeing other men. He has moved overseas but wants me to move there for several months. I will finish rereading this. Thanks Lynne
Thank you so much for your newsletters. They are so educational. -Lisa Mercado :-)
ALL OF THESE BOOKS ARE VERY HELPFUL. IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS I HAVE READ THREE OF THEM AND BOY DO I SEE THINGS THAT I CAN IMPROVE UPON FOR MYSELF AND HOW TO BETTER HANDLE MY SPOUSE. I GLAD I MADE THE PURCHASE. Barbara
Thank you, Bob………I look very forward in receiving your future newsletters. Your book & newsletters really helped me deal & understand my husband’s infidelity; therefore, it helped my marriage. Happy Holidays, Lisa
Hello Dr. Huizenga, I just wanted you to know your advice has been a source of strength and now more than ever I am certain that nothing will break my relationship with my husband. Joyce
Being able to deal with it. I was not sleeping and my gut was in a huge knot for weeks, one night I went to the internet and found your site and purchased Breakfree, from that moment on it made a huge difference to my ability to get over it.
The book and your site also made me feel a lot more positive about myself.
Dear Dr. Huizenga, I am writing to you at my husband’s request. I’ll explain in a minute. You see I suspecting something was going on outside of our home 5 months ago and stumbled over your guide ” Breaking Free from the Affair “online and made the best investment in my entire 28 years of marriage. I followed all of the techniques in the guide and was successful in saving our marriage. I now know , as insane as it sounds….the affair has turned our marriage around for the better 360 degree’s. I what to tell every woman and man on the planet to read your guide ! Bonnie
I would like to thank u for the advice i have been going to therapy with & without my wife and nothing has helped me as much as your advice so far.I would love at some point to read your book unfortunately i am in a bit of a financial bind at this point in time . The problems you outline are so close to my problems it’s scary but comforting at the same time . Trevor
The relationship is now over but I believe I did the right thing when I found out and dealt with it the right way thanks to your book, otherwise I really didn’t know what to do. Nigel
Learning what NOT to do was the most important thing. As soon as I was able to really accept that I will be OK no matter what I immediately began working on breaking my bad behavior with regard to badgering Karen about her affair. I went through three CRAZY weeks of behavior that would have driven ME out of the door if it had been directed at me. I suppose her guilt and financial position has kept her in place, but now I think we really might have a chance. She noticed the change in my attitude immediately. She accused me of being “emotionally unstable” and “disinterested in our marriage”. Now she says things like, “I have never seen you so strong.” And “I appreciate your patience with me.” Our chances are not good, but I am working through this, and look forward to being in the intimate, harmonious, and sharing relationship I always wanted. Jim
Dear Bob, I am doing better than I was 10 days ago I no longer sit there for hours crying wondering what I did wrong and where I went wrong, I am starting to concentrate more on myself and trying to rediscover what I use to be like before all this…. I am teaching myself and trying hard not to depend on him and also as my friend said not to let him get the best of me….. I’m still reading, every chance I get, staying busy with work and not thinking so much…..taking it day by day…..at least I’m not drinking every night like he is……………..Thank you very much! Genevieve
Dear Bob, Thanks for asking. I have found the book incredibly helpful. I have been battling to cope with my husband’s infidelity for ten years and particularly in the past six months after we separated. The book has helped me understand the nature of my husband’s affairs and why he has such a strong propensity to cheat. I am seeing things in a better perspective, taking the infidelity less personal, hurting less, and no longer as clingy. I also understand how I have contributed in driving him away and closer to the current other woman by doing all the things you warn against in the book. Lebo
you’re a God-send, Dr. Bob. You helped me immensely during our counseling and I appreciate your continued emails and support. sincere thanks, Dick
Thanks for all of your newsletters, they are very helpful. My marriage is saved thank goodness, however, I’m struggling with trusting my husband again. I appreciate any other material you can send me dealing with building trust in a marriage. Thanks, Lisa