| Dealing with a cheating spouse or cheating boyfriend can be one of the most painful and devastating experiences a relationship can face.I cannot recommend this book enough. It not only outlines specifically the 7 types of affairs (and how to handle each - whether you choose to stay or go), but you will find it's material empowering. This book will help you to fully understand that YOU are not defective.There is nothing wrong with YOU! It also begins with the big question: "Do you really want to be in a relationship with this person?"Anyone faced with infidelity, or anyone who wants to avoid infidelity should have a copy ofthis book. I cannot recommend it enough. Tracey of pig-dogs.net |
With your e-book, at least the feeling of being "crazy" is lessening somewhat. |
Thank you for caring enough about people and thank you for bringing some sanity to my not so sane world.
---Brad |
hi, Just wanted to let you know I am finding your web site very helpful. I just read about the need to know exactly what happened in an affair. My husband had an affair last year and I found out in June of this year. I have not been able to go a day without having questions,questions, questions. He answers most with detail however he often says he does not know or he does not remember. that drives me crazy, I feel if he had an affair after 19 years of a very close relationship with me he should remember every detail of the affair. He is very remorseful and wants to work things out and actually broke it off with this woman long before I found out. I think we can make it I just wish all these thoughts feelings and Questions would go away, he hates the questions. Thanks for listening,it helps to let someone else know what is going on with me ,as I am keeping this hush hush from most everybody.
---Marcia |
It is very important for the sanity of we who have been betrayed to know that we are NOT crazy and that an affair is NOT our "fault". You are terrific for providing this information
---Yvonne |
The explanations you give are usually right on. You seem to know what I'm feeling. Each time I talk to you I feel stronger and stronger.
---Debbie |
Your materials are very helpful--one of the best "affair" sites on the web.
---Amy |
Wish I had found your page before the divorce was final and they are engaged.
--- Vickie |
Reading your newsletters really seems to help. I read it Monday night and by Tuesday, I felt really good. I felt like I could control everything and not have him in my thoughts every second.
---Subscriber |
I look forward to your future newsletters. (My husband is aware I am getting information from this site and he is actually reading some of it! I hope it helps.)
---Subscriber |
I appreciate this site being available to people like me who have many, many questions and concerns after an affair has been revealed. You are a big help.
---Jack |
I often find myself wanting to talk to others that may be able to share some of their experiences with me. As you must already know, it's a bit difficult sometimes to speak about your feelings of deception with those whom you consider friends. One of the biggest challenges is being able to face your pain and bring it to light so that everyone else knows just what you are going through. I found this site on a day when I felt so darn lonely, and just out of answers. I began reading some of the advise that you gave to others and for the first time I realized I was not alone in my struggle.
---Alan |
I've struggled with this for almost a year. I am the one who chose to have the affair and my husband has not found out about it and I pray he never will. I ended it about 4 months ago but everyday of my life I still think about him, what I did and just the guilt of it all. Each day is a new day, but I realize there is so much I need to learn about myself and why I got in the situation to begin with. . I was glad to find your website and I'm glad that today your newsletter was here. Just wanted to say Thanks and keep it coming.
--- Kathy |
Thank you soooo much for the newsletter. This has been an incredibly hard time in my life- to say the least- and knowing that there is someone out there who cares means the world to me. Thank you for me and all the others who are in this nightmare.
---Dee |
I had a chance to check the new site out today, and I was so impressed and proud of just how well it has taken shape. I know this is an overdue comfort zone for so many. I had to take this moment to thank you for your dedication and for your determination to make this powerful information available to a community of so many. You have no idea just how many people live in pain because they do not know just where to turn. I am an advocate of this site and I promote it whenever possible. I have shared this site with people who I have come in contact with that seem lost in their own struggle.
---Debra |
I learned that the kind of affair I was facing and that it was not my FAULT. Also practical strategies to get my life going. |
The most important thing that I learned was that I had to worry about myself first. Another thing that was important was that I discovered that there was an emptiness that my wife was feeling that was caused by something that occurred to her long ago.That no matter what - I am going to make it! The affair is not my fault. He chose to do it, not me! |
| Thank you for all your newsletters. I have been collecting them but unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost all those received since October. Would it be at all possible to have you resend those newsletters to my e-mail address? Joanne |
| It is such a BLESSING to me to know there is someone out there who specializes in the field of infidelity. It has been a lonely search for me, quite isolating. I have always known there has to be another nice woman like me somewhere in this world - with a child from a married man. The stereotypes of the 'other woman' are not always on the mark. I've looked for a therapist prior to this, and have found therapist to preach to me - to condemn me - or to support me - but never able to sort of see where I'm at currently and help me from there. I'm sure you understand. One must start therapy from where they actually are - and where I am is very threatening to many married folk, even therapist. I'm already grateful to you for simply acknowledging the subject of infidelity and the therapeutic needs in relation to the topic. Theresa |
| The ebook put things into perspective for me. Gwen |
| Everyone who is experiencing the pain and shock of an affair or suspected affair should read Dr. Bob Huizenga's "Breaking Free" book. This material, more than anything else, has helped me forge my way through a terrible time, and gain clear perspective on what I have been dealing with. Dr. Bob sheds light on human nature and the predictable patterns we follow in relationships and marriages in a profoundly concise way. "Break Free" has set me free in many ways, despite terrible personal pain, because I was able to put my situation into perspective, and face the reality of it all. Truth, stumbling around for months and perhaps even years, "wondering" about what my husband's behaviour might mean, and how I ought to behave back, I quickly gained a clear understanding of my reality after reading "Break Free." As time goes on, I find myself even more amazed at just how accurate and helpful Dr. Bob's insight and advice is. On top of the material, Bob's personal coaching has provided much needed relief and additional support when I have really needed it. Thanks very much Bob....- Jennifer (last name withheld) |
| Thank-you for writing your book, Break Free From the Affair. I downloaded it last night and it has been very eye-opening. It is wonderful that just when I needed some practical and sound advice, I found your site on the internet. I've got a lot of things to work through, as I just uncovered concrete evidence of my husbands' continuing years-long affair with his receptionist. Your book has helped me pick my path, so to speak, of what I will (and will not) do next. Laura |
| Things seemed to have settled though she still wants to carry on life with both of us. At first I never thought I would cope, like you say your self esteem goes straight down the pan. Identifying the types of affair and the possible outcomes really helped as did the backgrounds to them. When I found your book it was like hey there is a life beyond this and for the first time since the affair came to light I know know there is a me. Roger |
| Hi...I purchased your e book some days ago now and have found it a tremendous help. i won't say that I am perfect in its application , I have a lot to learn, But whichever way this works out, she wants to share our 3 lives together, I know now that I will be true to myself and will accept what I want, and I will come through this with or without her. The mantra is working. Don't get me wrong I want to save the marriage, and I feel the tactics are great, but at the end if my implementation is poor and I fail at least I tried, and either way I will have a support network and i will be a better person. Roger |
| Dr. Bob,Thank you for all your support e-mails the last few days. When I returned to work from a very stressful holiday, I really needed to read all of them. Can't wait to read all the goodies I downloaded when I get home tonight. Finding your website has been a Godsend. Your reassurance that I will make it and that the affair is not my fault, helps me each and every day. Susan |
| Thank you, I feel like I have an answer now and help. Thank you again. Bless you for helping so many people. I wish I had found your site a year ago and I might not be in this mess. Sincerely, Debra. |
| Although all of type #4 seems to fit my situation like a glove, I highlighted the most strongest points that apply there as well. And I must tell you, it was shocking when I first read #4, it was as if you were a fly on the wall during this whole thing. It's scary to think that other people in the world have experienced the same thing. I thought it was just her doing it to me. Thank you very much for your web site and for the service you provide. |
| Unfortunately, my marriage is over and I am in the process of accepting it. Nonetheless, the insights you have provided have contributed greatly to both my mental well-being and my ability to cope with the situation. Jeff |
| Thanks for the prompt reply and for sending the book, I have had a chance to browse through and spotted our scenario immediately. I will try to follow your advice, it is so nice to know what to do instead if flailing around doing the exact wrong thing! Christine |
| Thank you so much. Your advice makes a lot of sense, for us to find a way to use the pain of these prank calls to make us stronger. I think my wife & I are making great progress together in our relationship and saving our marriage. I thank you so much for your ebook and your advice in this specific matter. As a person who has felt like my life has been turned upside down during this ordeal, you have provided me much support and "calm" to my situation. Terry |
| I really appreciate the emails and the letters. I will continue to read them and use them as a guide as well. No matter what, a broken heart is hard as ever to mend, but it will come in time--------------------------- |
Here are the things I have found good about your site/work so far.
1) It is written with a 360o degree viewpoint - that is to say when you get into it you have thought about all the angles and the implications of the problems an affair brings when disclosed.
2) Linked to this, I bought the E-Book on Sunday and read it in one sitting - I have never thought about affairs (i was too scared too, like most people) and found it absolutely fascinating to think and consider what the propellers (motivates) are and how they may be very different.
3) It is well written and thought provoking. It's the cost of a therapy session (£34 with my therapist) but you can take it in a lot more and I felt like after the reading of the ebook that I'd gone through a 'session' i.e. I'd thought, learnt and was curious to learn more about myself and responses to the events
4) I have to focus on me and recovering with or without my partner.
5) it is easy for me to see my partner (ex!) as being a mix of your types of affairs but that was not bad, I think that it is too complex to make fix categories of it but a helpful guide. But the best questions were the hard ones about why and if one should attempt to save the marriage, but the advice of how to do so be cool, calm and cheerful is so right but so hard! Thanks so much for the good work Bob! Best G. |
| I am so grateful that I ordered How to break free....., and I am now doing the 21 day course. It is a real lifeline to me. Jennifer |
| Thanks Bob for your encouraging words. I'm taking your advise and feel confident and at peace that I am on the path to reclaiming my integrity. I'm planning on a wonderful New Year! Joan |
| I look forward to hearing from you and for your ongoing advice, you are an extremely important find for me. There is very little pragmatic literature or advice out there .Sandy |
One of the best parts of the book has been examining my motivations and helping me decide to save the marriage or not. I have found out much about myself and identified my fear of living alone. I still struggle with the "I will make it" self message and have some sadness over the loss of the relationship with my wife.Overall I am very glad that I found your website and appreciate the online discussion forum greatly. Marty |
| Just a note to wish you a very happy holiday season. I want to thank youfor all your help this past year. Your counsel and articles have helped mea more than you will ever know. Whenever I start to get down, I reread yourebook, especially the part on affair #4. joe |
| THANK YOU SO MUCH for sending me the emails. The best Christmas present I will get. I will get over all this and figure out what to do going forward. My faith in male/female relationships has been severely damaged but I will work on that. Sue |
| Dear Bob,I recently purchased your E-book "Break Free From Your Affair" on November 10, 2003. I really depend on this book right now. However, it is gone from my computer. I don't know what happened to it. Please help. I need to refer back to it. Robin |
| First, I have bought your ebook and have found it fantastic. I'm still trying to identify which type of affair scenario fits my husband. I am after only 6 weeks in surprisingly good "emotional" shape, which in part is due to your book. Karen |
| Already, I have started putting into practice the suggestions from your materials and usually feeling empowered. linda |
| I downloaded your e-book and it helped me cope with what was happening in my life. I must have read it 25 times!!!Thank You, Kathi |
| just when I needed that, you have a great website and people who sign up can truly feel supported. You tip today hit the spot! God bless and have a great holiday. |
| Your site is a big help, thank you! kevin |
| Dear Dr. Huizenga,First and foremost I want to say that you have already helped me tremendously just by reading some of your articles and information on your website and your emails. Of all the websites and books I have read, yours is superior in regard to this subject. I sincerely appreciate all your work to help people like me that are in the situations that we are. John |
| I am impressed with your book, and it's been helpful. Bob Conley |
| As one of your members, I just wanted to say thank you for your web site and for all you do to help others get through such a difficult time in their lives. Several months ago I became a member of your "club" and got your e-book "Break Free From The Affair." Thanks again for your site because it helps put me back on the path of reality and truth and gives me comfort and hope. May God bless. Carol |
| ...you pose pertinent and sometimes uncomfortable questions I must ask myself to determine my own motives for wanting to save my marriage. But for me the most valuable part of each chapter is your very specific advice on what I can do to increase my chances that our marriage will survive the affair. Yvonne |
| ...very tightly and concisely written, in understandable language and clear suggestions. Thanks! Nancy |
| I wanted to Thank you earlier but have been busy with the baby. She is 3 1/2 months old and cutting her first teeth. I must tell you how very much appreciated it is that you are there to listen and give advise. I appreciate it VERY much. Finding you has been a God send for me. I hope God blesses you. Thank you for this email and I will read every bit of it and use it in my everyday living. Pam |
| Thanks and best regards. (Your information was HUGELY helpful in helping me to categorize (to a tee!) this "behavior" and of course look to move beyond it... Jennifer |
| Can't believe reading your e-mails that the situations are just like what I'm experiencing. My husband left the house three months ago. Four days before our 25TH Anniversary We celebrated it with a night in NYC Nothing spared. I know he's having an affair & won't admit it. Lately, he's been a great deal better with his attitude. I think the affair has somewhat come to an end. He still needs two weeks to come home. Why??? I made an appointment with a mediator. He flipped today with that. Mary |
| As one of your members, I just wanted to say thank you for your web site and for all you do to help others get through such a difficult time in their lives. Several months ago I became a member of your "club" and got your e-book "Break Free From The Affair." Thanks again for your site because it helps put me back on the path of reality and truth and gives me comfort and hope. May God bless you for thesacrifices you are making for others. Carol |
| My wife and I have been fighting aboout 8 months now & she finally moved out about 3 weeks ago I wish I would have gotten you e book sooner. Joe |
| Bob,Thank you for the gift. I do read them and they do help me see things I have not thought of or understood because I am so involved. Your gifts provide me with insight and hope. I enjoy them..... :-) Know you are appreciated.....Annette |
| I just finished reading your e-book How to break free of the affair. I must state this was the best book on relationships I have read thus far. my compliments on your wonderful book. Thank you NR |
| Dr. Huizenga: I have read every book I could get my hands on over the last two-and-a-half years since I knew my husband was involved with another woman. His affair lasted two years and has been ended for almost ten months. With all of the top-ranked "affair/infidelity" and "relationship" books on the market, I thought I had the best information available to help me, and my husband, not only end his affair but to get through the tough times following it. Was I ever wrong! You have produced the most helpful, useful and relevant book on dealing with your partner's affair that I have ever seen. You include vital information that no other source contains. Your profiles are so accurate it is eery! For me the most valuable part of each chapter is the very specific advice on what YOU can do to increase your chances that your marriage will survive the affair. I felt many times as I read your book that you somehow had been in my head and heart and living my life, your descriptions and profiles are that accurate! Yvonne |
| Dr. Huizenga, your book has provided me with greater insight, with more understanding, with reassurance of my own value. But it has also presented me with a scary problem: My husband's affair was a very complicated matter, it is not going to be an easy or short road to recovery, and it will not be easy determining which tactics to use and when as I deal with building a new, and hopefully better thanks to you, relationship with my husband. Initially my heart and hopes sank as I discovered just how difficult this "recovery" will be, but it is encouraging to find that my intuitive responses in dealing with my husband and his affair have more often than not been correct. You have also given me many new ideas of ways to "shake up" the way we communicate and relate with each other, something we have needed badly for many years. I have a difficult road ahead, I have to accept that, but you have helped me understand that new territory better than I could have without this book. I can never thank you enough or repay your generosity. Sally |
| As usual your information is right on the mark. Its uncanny how your stuff seems to reach me just when I am looking for the information. Its marvelous to read. It makes me feel normal again. Regards Yvette |
| I have been using the Charging Neutral technique even without knowing about it until today. This is not normal for me since I am unemotional from day-to-day, but get emotional when we fight and eventually explode (like the description in Affair #5). Being very, very calm with her at first really scared her (I have never hit/hurt her), but she has opened up tremendously the more I can show that I won't explode. |
| This is the one year anniversary of my life turning upside down due to an affair. You helped me to move beyond the hurt and to focus more clearly as I made some very hard decisions regarding my wife's infidelity. The guidance you provided was invaluable, both for understanding the affair and myself. Thank you...Tim R |
| Your book contains more valuable and relevant and USEFUL information than all of the books combined I have read over the last two-plus years.your book is so overwhelmingly superior to the many, many books I have devoured over the last three years, including the ones considered to be the "best" on infidelity/affairs/relationships, and the information you provide is so profoundly on-target and concisely written in a straightforward manner (yes, I am saying this same thing in my review) that it is having a dramatic impact on my life and marriage and on my beliefs/views/strategies as formed by and based on the other booksI want to thank you for helping me. So often, those of us with limited resources (money) are the ones who lose the most, because we can't afford the very help we need. You have provided me with something I've been needing for a long time. I am so grateful. |
| You have opened a well-spring of ideas for me. Thanks! Kelly |
| I've read the book---some parts over and over---and indeed it's worth it. Thank you very much. Viki |
| you are the best to have shared all you did...you helped me a great deal. Ciao |
| This newsletter hit my situation dead on the head!!! I felt like I wasgetting a reading from a psychic!!! I have chills right now. Lauren |
| I wanted to let you know how much you helped me put things into perspective and how much better I am doing since our sessions began. I had asked you if a person could truly change and your response was "if the change comes from within." At the time I asked I was asking about Jim and his apparent changes. Much to my surprise, I now am at complete peace with the situation. I feel so much more in control and do have a peace of mind, which I did not have before. I would have three or four days of deep depression every so often and the rest of the time I was just depressed. I can say I have not had any depression for over a month. That is a record for me! I am so thankful for such a great blessing.Many thanks to you. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!Sincerely, Mary Ann |
| Your stuff has already been a big help. No matter how this turns out I'm already alot better off (feeling wise) than he appears to be Seems like your recommendations are right on target - he can't figure out exactly what is going on other than I'm doing very well these days and still being a very caring loving wife.Thanks for all your help. |
| the information I received from you in that short time was some of the most helpful I have seen, and I have read almost every "infidelity" and "relationship" book ever published |
| By the way, your E-book is a tremendous help. I reread it anytime I start feeling that things are getting out of control. It helps put things in perspective. Thanks for the help. |
| Thank you for your e-mail. I have read almost all of your writings and it gave me strength, for sure. Out of all the books and websites and counseling I've gone through, your site has been of the most help to me and I am trying to find a way that I can get full benefit. Thank you. |
| At this time I find your writings an incredible source of comfort. I find power in knowledge and you have helped me regain myself in all this mess. THANK YOU. |
| I am amazed at how on-target you are in your profiles of the different types of "cheaters". I wish I had this two years ago--would have saved me a lot of trial-and-error. You are very good at what you do. Yvonne |
| " The Break Free from the Affair ebook finally gave me some peace of mind and a roadmap to follow. It was amazing how the type of affair my wife was having just jumped out at me. Knowing that, and what to expect, has given me hope that there will be a resolution. Thanks, Bob." |
| I discovered this site while surfing for other positive one regarding infidelity. Dr.Huizena provides useful info even if you're the ws but mostly for the bs. I have just started to use it and already feel better about myself and life in general. check it out!! |
| I'm doing good and I am very proud of myself. I HAVE NOT BROUGHT UP THE AFFAIR SINCE WE LAST SPOKE!!!! I have stop obsessing and I am focused on ME in a major way. I actually THINK before speaking....what do you think of that? I'm paying attention to my tone of voice and more importantly I am retraining my self talk and I like what I am hearing. LIFE IS GOOD AND A BEAUTIFUL THING!!! |
| A friend of mine sent me your ebook on the 7 types of affairs which I read with great interest! My husband had 2 affairs during our marriage and we are now going through a divorce. I couldn't believe how accurate your description was of him - he is definitely number 3 but I don't feel he has always been which is the sad thing really. |
| I really liked the phrase "I will make it." I have been really down and it has some how reinspired me. I also liked the 12 mistakes people make. I knew I wanted to stay in the relationship (for a variety of reasons) but I was having a hard time moving forward. Those 12 things really made me look in the mirror. We have taken a lot of very positive steps. Jeanette |
| Your approach is really different and unique. You have carved out quite a niche for yourself! Michelle |
I learned why I am having the affair. Why I feel like I do. and that there is hope for me to break the Revenge cycle that i have been on since i learned of my husbands affair 20 years ago. I never let go and have had several one night stands and 3 affairs. (One I am still in and want to break free of but cant seem to stop). I finally recognize all the pain I have felt and why and all the pain I am causing and what to stop it. Hopefully with your guidance I can.
I am so glad I found you web sight, and your offering of free information and help. After being married for 22 years and finding out my husband was having an affair again, I left him 4 months ago. I have been in a very sad and dark place filled with self-blame and a feeling of betrayal that is overwhelming and consuming. In a search for answers I came across your site. Because of my current situation I didn't feel financially able to buy your book at this time. But a friend saw such an improvement in me after just 4 days of reading from your website she insisted buying the book for me. I don't have it yet but I'M really looking forward to receiving it. Tina |
| I have just recently found your website and find it incredible and educational. Sharee |
| Then I read your book the other night and it was very inspirational.…the 7 things you suggest in the appendix are great. In fact, I've been doing most of them already. And some of the things I used to do that's part of the 12 things not to do, I haven't been doing already. I don't know where things will go from here. Your book has given us a chance. Mike |
| A step by step approach to how to identify and what to do about handling the affair made it easy for me to take action. Janice |
| the ebook has been most helpful. My soon-to-be-ex husband is deeply involved in a "My Marriage Made Me Do It" affair with an unhappily married woman from his past whose marriage "made her do it," too... neither of them the slightest bit responsible for how their marriages have turned out. Your book has helped me to do a better job of "charging neutral," which I was already doing to a great extent. We are managing to be civil, even pleasant, to each other... and it is my goal to leave this 19-year relationship with as little baggage as possible and get on with my life. Deborah |
| Dear Dr. Huizenga,I just bought your book yesterday and all I can say is thank you. I was on a emotional roller coaster when I found out that my wife was having an affair (#4). Everything you said about the typical reactions for the offended were dead on. Everything you mentioned, I was going through (I was miserable). You helped me more than anyone or any resource ever did. It was uncanny how accurate everything was. Dr. Huizenga, you saved me from so much pain and anguish, now I have the power, the knowledge and the confidence to go on with my life.Thank you for everything! Kelly PS. I would have paid ten times more for the book if I knew how truly Powerful it was. |
| Your ebook helped me learn that I am not crazy and that Affairs are what make me feel crazy. I can't keep trying to make sense out of this since there isn't any. Most important of all is not to go it alone. At first that is what I tried to do since most of my family knew about and tried to wake me up. Now I use those same people who tried so hard before as a support. Second most important is my new mantra I WILL MAKE IT. |
| I keep referring to your book and feel that as I gain confidence and my brain settles down, I will be able to absorb more in each reading. It is good to have it on hand to read as needed. Sarah |
| I don't even know you, but you and your book have been a tremendous comfort to me! I am anxious to see how my husband responds to my newfound inner strength and assertiveness. |
I just want you to know how comforting I've found "Break Free... " I am actually beginning to personally detach myself from this whole situation. There is no comparison between my present mental/emotional state today and just 3 weeks ago. I feel pretty confident to confront my husband now… Leisa
I have read the book 2 x since I ordered it yesterday, and I find it to be very informative! It takes a while to get things in your head, a new way of looking at the situation and yourself. Joann |
| Your book is insightful and has given me the inner strength I need to get through this one way or the other. Todd |
| I feel much better after reading your book. For the longest time, I have played the role of the "victim" and blamed myself for my wife's actions. All I would do is try harder to please her to see if it would "bring her around" but it obviously has not worked. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I appeared to be a wimp and that is what caused her to go look elsewhere. I am now employing your strategies and I think my wife knows that I suspect something has happened. Her behavior has changed a little but to tell the truth… Jim |
| I really appreciate you taking my phone call yesterday to coach me for dinner conversation with my husband, Brian last night. I promised to get back to you on results. It went very well. We began talking in the car and I encouraged Brian to say anything that had been on his mind. We had been in such a non communication mode for so long this was really good for him. And he liked talking about us. That set the tone for the evening. Betty |
| I have shown it (your e-book) to a couple of my "affair" mentors and they were really impressed. The type of affair was very clear and heartbreaking at the same time. But, I believe, as long as there is life, there's hope. Even if my husband is a #2. Dianne |
| Thanks Bob, The portions of the book I have read have helped me enormously. I feel I have some direction in how to pick up the pieces and make decisions that will be good instead of destructive. Anything that takes my mind off what I'm feeling is helpful. If I learn something from the information as well as gaining a distraction, and we can get past this hurdle, the information in your book is nothing except a GODSEND. I thank you for your service to humankind. I think you are truly one gifted being working to eliminate some pain and suffering from this world. I'll be happy to mention your work to others. Thanks once again. Laurie |
| Thank you for the words of wisdom at a time needed. |
| I still have not finished the e-book, but I really think it is among the best that I have read, and I have read a lot! You hit on "core" issues that some people "skirt" around. You answer questions that might not get asked due to embarrassment or fear. I do not remember what the survey said exactly, but so far I am giving it a "10". Julieanna |
| The identification of the affair type, and suggestions to change my behavior accordingly really assisted me to cope! I haven't really found ANY book offering this kind of information, and NO counselors ever have. It helped with my need to do something to fix it. Laurie |
| Four things helped me. First, when you said the reason she was having an affair was not due to the marriage. (To some degree it was, but I now realize she did it for selfish reasons rather than focusing attention on her relationship with me.) Second, I was so confused and hurt by her actions. I kept thinking, I've given her everything, where did I go wrong. But then when I read the descriptions about different types of affairs, I saw where both she and I had gone wrong.Third, whenever you reminded me that "I will get through this." Forth, and maybe most practical, was advice about messaging along with "leaping" (if that's the correct term.) Those sorts of practical 'strategies' if you will were actually most helpful, since these described actual actions to apply, rather than just more insight into what might have caused her to have an affair. Andrew |
| Thanks again - a bit of a Lifesaver, aren't you? Linda |
| Your book was very good, in fact one of the best I have read. Linda |
| I was in a state of rage and some of the words calmed me and gave me direction. Miki |
| I just down loaded your 20 page starter. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for weeks. Just short of going to therapy. I have read this installment and have found at least two things I can do TODAY to feel better. Thank you just doesn't convey how much I appreciate your insight. Jo Ann |
| I just purchased your ebook Break Free from the Affair. In reading over the type of affair I am facing, I am #3. Everything you say is right on target. I couldn not believe every word you wrote was me to a T. Elizabeth |
Bob, Your information has been invaluable in my effort
to find my way out of a 2 1/2 year mess... Jim |
| Helps me to understand that my strong emotions, the roller coaster emotions, etc. are not unusual after an affair. Elaine |
| Your book kept me from going out of my mind. Thank you Suzane |
| You were right on and after I shared it with my husband , He opened up more than ever because he was not sure him self what was going on ! Evette |
| Since I started applying the 7 do’s and have quit doing the 12 “don’ts”, you are correct. She has changed drastically and is trying to make herself available to me. Todd |
| Thank you so much for publishing this book!! I was really having a hard time trying to understand how and why things happened the way that they did. The affair that my husband had just ripped me apart. I am much better now, although I have a long way to go. I am more focused on myself and my children, and less obsessive about the affair. I went so far as trying to visualize my husband with this "older" woman. I have no doubt that my husband loves me, but in the back of my head, I just had these doubts. The one thing I did learn from the reading so far, is identifying the type of affair that he had. I had to take a good hard look at myself and address some personal issues of my own. I never knew he was insecure about our marriage, his sexual performance and the fear of losing me to another man. We have actually taken our marriage to the next level. Open communication is important and vital. We are both in counseling, and my therapist loves the book. She will be contacting you. I can't thank you enough for your publication. Rosemary |
| Thank you for this website. Although it appears that my marriage will not survive, I think mostly because I found you too late, the material has helped me to get my life back onto an even keel. I am moving on. Where he goes is his decision. Mary Ann |
I downloaded your book last week. Thank you. I have managed my emotions and I am dealing with serious pain despite being in school and having a 3 year old son. The lies are overwhelming and the betrayal is a pain that is similar to physical pain. I just discovered the affair last month but the truth seems to be told in small amounts. Today I just found out he had been sleeping with her for months. I am so sick over it but after reading the online book. I have kept my calm. It has not been easy, last month I was crazy.
Thank you for the updates, lord knows I need them and this will pass yet my impatience is difficult to manage. Zina |
I just want to let you know how grateful I am to you for writing the book. After over a year of heartache, depression, anger, and all the feelings that have occurred since I discovered my boyfriends infidelity, I am finally beginning to think that I may actually be happy again some day, with or without him. What has helped me the most so far is your advice on assuming the attitude of acting happy (fake it "til you make it!) I repeat this mantra throughout the day, and it has made all the difference not only in how I feel, but how others are responding to me. To be honest with you, I was getting sick and tired of feeling so bad, and I could no longer tolerate my own hostile and bitter words and actions, but I just could not seem to get over it. I had been considering getting professional help, which is still an option, then I came across your book on a website for dealing with affairs. I downloaded it, then read it all in a few hours time (I am a fast reader). Your advice has helped me tremendously, and I intend to read it again, this time more slowly and carefully. I truly believe that we were not put on this earth to be miserable, and I realize that despite the actions of someone else, I can choose to be happy, or choose to wallow in my sadness and grief. Right now, I choose to be happy, to the best of my ability. Thank you again.Sincerely,
Diane |
| A great perspective on why my husband is looking for love - it is much easier when it is put down logically on paper rather than search through all my muddled thoughts. I am not crazy after all. Eliot |
| Your book has truly helped me in the last few weeks. I have eaten better, slept better, and all around felt better, as well as felt a renewed interest from the wife I thought I had lost. I'm not saying all is well, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you. I do want things to work, but more importantly, I want us both to come to terms with things at least for our childrens sake should we part ways. Nathan |
| I have found out that my husband's inability to say no to this woman is an addictive behavioral problem and nothing to do with me. Also, his control all these years are a direct representation of this problem.. At times I had thought I was no good and couldn't do anything right. Now I am beginning to see what a wonderful person I am. Kathy |
| Hi my name is Jane and My friend Ray bought me your book yesterday....I fell much better today after reading it, I am practicing the way I talk to my husband because everytime we speak my voice drops and I sound pathetic even to myself. I am having a little trouble deciding which type of affair he is having, I believe it is #4...but his feeling desirable with someone else also applies...I was not fulfilling his needs. |
| The book is a life saver. I'm in gut wrenching fear, but otherwise a stable, calm, sane person. Your information rings true and I think your advice was exactly what I needed. Instinctually, I have been practicing "charging neutral", but was being too passive. Your book gave me neutral ways to ask questions that my spouse needs to explore within himself. I especially liked the part where you told me to repeat "I will make it" over and over! I've been doing that all day! I also began looking hard at my fear and what is causing it. Clearly slow painful growth/recovery is ahead. But I'm going to keep repeating "I can make it" until it feels real and the fear subsides. Karen |
| The e-book is very helpful. It has helped me to look inside of myself and ask some very tough questions instead of looking to my husband for answers. This allows me to evaluate how I am feeling at any given time and trust that he is doing the right thing instead of thinking that he is still hurting me. We are also in counseling which is very beneficial. Alexis |
| The book has brought many things into perspective for me. thanks. mary |
| It was extremely helpful for us to read the description about the "revenge affair" as it was so accurate and made my husband feel as though he was not a sexual pervert-I felt better also, especially since you gave it more of a chance of ending successfully. June |
| Identifying the kind of affair made such a big difference in my state of mind. "I cant' say No" brought it all home for me. I have confronted him before, but he tells me I'm crazy and paranoid. He is such a smooth operator. He is seeing a therapist to learn how to deal with my obsessive thoughts! He doesn't know how long he can go on - I badger him so. Haven't finished the book, but I feel much calmer. Bonnie |
| I gained huge insight into many people I know that have had affairs. The book affirmed my attempt to neutrally and supportively give Dave ways to talk about what is going on inside himself. The book reminded me that I need to work on understanding why and whether I want our marriage to continue. Giving me the mantra, "I will make it". Karen |
| Reading the book has given me a much better understanding ofaffairs. I'm glad to say your book has reinforced what my gut feeling has told me about reacting to my situation. Steve |
| I learned that this WAS NOT my fault, and that this might have been the best thing that ever happened to us. One thing she said to me the other night, I asked her, "What did you get from him that you were not getting from me?" Her reply, "He made me feel special." You "nailed her personally to a "T" as well. There are a lot of interesting dynamics going on now, we are sleeping in the same bed, and over the last couple of weeks, since I've been applying the techniques you discuss for this type of affair (BACK-OFF, but still be there), she has gone from sleeping on the far side of the bed with her back to me, to sleeping in the middle, facing me. Talk about "body language"! Right now she is a "little girl lost". She's in a "hole" and trying to find her way out. I'm there just to shine a light in the right direction, that's it. I a! m not pushing or pulling in any direction, just shining a light. Thanks for everything so far!! Phil |
| Your book is quite helpful in terms of helping me go through the first week after I discovered my wife is having an affair. I love my wife very much and I am determined to save my marriage at any cost. I would like to category my wife's affair as #4 "fell out of love" kind, but I am extremely anxious when it will end as it is still in the full bloom right now. Zendo |
| I have found your E- book saved my sanity...my husband is the affair #4. It will be 4 weeks this Sunday that I discovered a little love note from his OP. The techniques do seem to be working... Mari Kay |
| So far, bite by bite, e book + emails have been excellent. Worth every penny. Cheryl |
| I bought your ebook yesterday and I was astonished on how accurate the descriptions are with the 7 types of affairs. Although I have not finished reading it it did give me some comfort that I am NOT responsible for the affair my wife has had / having. And it helped me validate some of the behavior and strategy that I have been using is the right direction. Kevin |
Hi Bob,
I've read your wonderful book and have discovered that my husband is a number 6 type affair. All the things you said are true about him and I truely believe that this is one of the best things that could have happened to us. It is a wake up call on our 13 year marriage. Jennifer |
| Thank you Bob. It is so valuable. My husband and I are doing it together each night and thus far it has been the most valuable, information and useful information we have obtained! Lori |
| The e book has been helpful and both my wife and myself have read it.Whilst our situation is far from resolved I feel we are on the right track and I am hopefull of saving the marriage but if that doesn't happen "I WILL MAKE IT". Her situation is very complex in that she claims to love me ( I belive her) but has had a "LOVE" affair with the other guy for over two years and neither of them seem to be able to let go. At moment we are getting on better than ever and our sex life is best it's ever been in 19 years, no fighting yelling or screaming all very rational, really weird!! Steve |
| The most value for both my husband and I was to finally identify "the type" of affair he had. Going a step further YOUR book was the only of it's kind that gives all the characteristics of the person tied with what we can expect to happen if change doesn't "check in". When we finally discovered in your E-book my husbands "type of affair", we both said "wow" many times during the reading as it was if you wrote that section exclusively for us. I knew before I purchased your book that I needed to know exactly "what kind" of affair my husband was in before I could heal. Because how can you heal from the unknown? You gave us those answers! Lori |
| Dear Bob, Your e-book was the most helpful information I've read yet. What helped me the most was how you categorized the seven types of affairs. My husband of 28 years totally fits into the #6 category. The insight and wisdom I gleaned gave me a peace that I have not had since I learned of his affair just 2 1/2 months ago. I learned alot in those few pages and put what I learned into action immediately. I was also very encouraged at the rating of 2 as far as the possibility of the marriage working. What was so cool was the 'Tip' you gave was right on the mark. Since this happened our sex has been more passionate and we seem to be closer than we have been in years. You were totally right. We both feel very blessed that we didn't lose each other. With highest regards, Denise |
| Dr. Huizenga- The book has been very helpful. I feel better now than I have in the 1.5 weeks since my wife told me about the affair she is having. I finally have a little peace of mind, which is very important considering I am currently deployed in Iraq. The section on affair type #4 could have been written about my wife. You described her to a "t" in the section about the characteristics that are exhibited in the type of person who has this kind of affair. Also, I can't tell you how many times she has already said the "I love you but I am not in love with you anymore" speach, or it's derivative, "I love you, but I don't feel I love you like a wife should love her husband". This is the hardest thing I have ever faced. We have been married for almost 11 years and have 3 young children together. I am about to go home on 2 weeks leave from Iraq, and will be putting the techniques in your book to use. Wish me luck! Kevin |
| I wish that I had had the info (Break Free From the Affair) in April 2003 which is when the "other woman's" husband contacted me to tell me about the affair. I'm in the final stages and beginning to heal. I am still angry however - deep down inside. annette |
| I have bought the e-book and have read most everything that you've provided. My wife fits the situation and profile of the "Love being in Love" affair to a tee. It was almost eerie on how well it fit, down to the fact it is an emotional affair, not a sexual one. We actually read it together the first time. She just left the computer and went and laid down. George |
| First I want to thank you for your E-book. I bought it Saturday and already it has made my life a lot more pleasant! I was reacting in the depressed mode and living the affair every day. Now I am concentrating on me and it feels like a big load has been lifted off my shoulders and I am excited about life again! Randy |
| Hi...My life as you know all to well has been a rollercoaster of a ride. I suspected for a 4 to 5 months to be confirmed on Thursday night. I needed help fast. We had talked for a couple of hours after the event and he said he needed to go out in the car for a few hours so I came to the computer and found your book. It helped me be busy and although it was painful to read it gave me something to focus on and helped me to realize it was not my fault. So it felt empowering, being a trainer before becoming a mother of two young beautiful children I knew how to coach and develop people and that you need a strategy and process to aid the process and that is what the book helped me do see the affair for what it is/was? And how to start from a good place in my head and not a negative one. I wrote all 7 points in a notebook that I carried around with me and said over and over to myself I can make it. It is still a rollercoaster I needed my husband to make a decision so that I could move forward. He chose to leave after talking for 4 hours the next day I kept calm we laughed and I acted happy. I needed your book at a time of great confusion and it provided clarity and reason. I believe when in need the resourses appear. I know this journey has just begun as now my husband has called to say he wants to come back so my world is still spinning but I know no matter what happens I CAN make it though. I have so many unanswered questions and one is how can he stay away form this obsession of the other woman and stay focuses on making it work. Renee |
| Dr. Bob, I want to sincerely thank you for the information on your site. It has truly helped me to better understand the "Gut Feelings" I have in my heart about my wife's faithfulness. My marriage of seven years has been in "crisis mode", from the beginning. We have never gotten along well for long. Two very strong willed people always clashing & banging heads. Never any unity. And just to think-We're Christians who should know better but..... Philip |
| Dear Bob, I ordered your e-book last night and read it from start to finish, then re-read certain sections again this morning. My husband had an affair (now totally finished) and he rates somewhere between a #4 and #6 with a little #5 thrown in for good measure (or should I say 'bad measure'). After about 6 counselling sessions I decided we were going nowhere and have read, downloaded and purchased numerous books etc to try and make some sort of sense of it all and find a way to work out our differences, my true desire is to get over all of this and archive it deep in my memory, as you have probably guessed, I was still going nowhere and all the information seemed to confuse me more than help me. Then I read your book, thank you so much, it is the best information I could have had and I now know what "I" need to do to work through this. I'm not 100% certain that I will remain married to B, but I am 100% certain that "I" will be ok, whatever the future holds for me. Thank you again. Kind Regards, Kathy |
| ...very helpful, and eye opening. Kim |
| Hello Dr. Bob, I am in the process of reading through the material and trying to really be objective and honest with my thoughts and feelings. There is a lot to digest and there is a lot to think through. I think this e-book will put a lot of things in perspective and I pray that I will receive some relief from my heartache. Thank you for caring. Phyliss |
| Dear Bob, I recently purchased your E-Book and I wanted to thank you for your no-nonsense, real approach to this heart-wrenching subject. I feel empowered instead of helpless. It is so enlightening to see the types of affairs and the qualities a person who engages in each type may possess. It takes this huge ball of confusion and helps narrow the focus a bit. Sometimes it can seem overwhelming... the prospect of what to tackle ... when you're in the eye of a hurricane, your lists are like a beacon of light showing me the way out. Mary |
| Bob, the book is Right On. Very helpful so far. George |
| Your E-book is helpful. Very much so. I appreciate the upfront, straight- up truth of what you have put together. Steve |
| Dear Dr. Huizenga, WWas your book useful... Yes, and thats an understatement! I was amazed to realize all that I've been going through was labeled and understood by others... As I read your book I was shocked, I was able relate to it. It allowd me to understand that yes my spouse does have a problem "himself"and it wasn't because of me... Yet the scale for the category he falls into is tough to save (my marriage) it still provided me with clarity of my situation and especially how to deal with it. Tania |
| The book is a mind reader and showing me the future so I know whats going to happen rather then always being in limbo about whats going to happen. Brandi |
| Hi Bob, I'm doing and feeling way better after I read your Book. It is so helpful. I would recommend this book to anyone who has to go through this situation. I feel like I can now have more control of the situation. Weeks ago I was so down and felt like I could not do anything in my life, today I know what I should do or not do. It's very hard to have to go through all this but I know I will make it. Kristina |
| Great book !!!! Has helped me so very much to sort out the many confusing things coming out of my husband’s affair. Your book is obviously based on real life scenarios and not theory. When one is dealing with something as devastating as a spouse cheating, one needs real life info/advice/talk to help sort through all of the muddiness. Thanks. Linda |
| Bob, I would like to thank you for making you expertise available. I read the e-book yesterday, and started using Charge Neutral and he noticed a difference immediately. We actually had a conversation without anger, contempt and the usual hostile tones. I'm dealing with a #7 affair and know that the road ahead is long and hard. I've been trying to do everything under the sun to make this marriage work and hopefully with your guidance I can have some resolution whether our marriage survives or if we split. Rhonda |
| Dear bob: I have never found a book more interesting than yours. You see, it is not only helping me to understand me, it is also helping me to understand other people's behavior. I must tell you , I only got your book about a week now, I cannot sit and read it at all time ( I have 2 small kids) but I have to tell you , I love your book so far. Betty |
| Dear Bob, first of all, I want to thank you for all the helpful strategies and wise thoughts. You write about affairs with such wisdom and at the same time a good sense of humor and a down to earth style. Thank you so much, you web site helped me in many ways in understanding what is happening to me and my husband. Virginia |
I have found the e-book very helpful in centering my confusing thoughts and has helped to try to identify why my husband had this affair (something even he can't answer). He has now moved out of our home and lives with his sister at the moment. But when I speak to him he certainly doesn't sound happy. In fact as you suggested when speaking to him I sound extremely positive and upbeat which I think has thrown him slightly. I feel like I
have taken control again. L |
| I learned more about myself and I think it is helping my husband to better understand my affair. He has so many questions that I am unable to answer. We are reading it seperatly but are making notes so that we can sit together and be able to talk about it. I want nothing more than to make things work with my husband and I will never be able to unless he sees that it was not his fault but had more to do with me. I am seeking counseling for my behavior patterns. We come in at a 8-9 probability that our marriage will work out but it is more important to me that HE is able to cope and heal. I was in such dispair when I found your book on the internet. It came with such relief that I had to download it immediately and begin reading. Thank you. Tina |
| Bob, ten minutes after reading the book...it changed my life! Jorge |
| ...When we separated, after a month, I wanted him back, but he rejected me, and I think maybe out of being scared, but I dont really know the true answer. Shortly thereafter, I met a man and dated him...........LET ME TELL YOU THAT NUMBER 4 ON YOUR Break Free was my situation..........TO A "T"...........We dated for about 2 and half, 3mos and I was gone............Your words are RIGHT ON! And my husband, did all the things you said, chased, begged, called all the time...............It turned me off completely............I know I can tell you, if he would have left me alone, I would have been back sooner without a doubt. When reality hit me, I decided off and on that I needed to work on myself and my inner need had to be filled by me and no one else...........I have done a complete 180 and feel so much better about who I am today.............In the meantime, we are both seeing the same counselor, just not together..... One weekend, I called my husband with this desire to restore our marriage.......and WHAM he meets someone. Now through the words of the counselor, the 2 days before he met her, he said he still loved me, was holding out for me, and didnt want our daughter in a broken home..............Then he meets her and is doing ALL THE THINGS I SAID AND DID during my time with my "affair"..........I can firmly say, that with what I know and how I know my husband.........that NUMBER 6 is probably about 80-90 percent on of where he is in his "affair"................Clarissa |
| Hi Bob: I know that you must recieve hundreds of emails everyday so I am impressed that you would take the time out to listen to me. After fully reading and re-reading my recently purchased ebook, I was able to discern not only the type of affair that my husband is having, but also my best course of action. I was guilty of behaving in one of the 12 unattractive behaviors and knew that I needed help. Thankfully, Google found you and I am on a better track now. I can only say one thing to you Bob, "Thank You" for the insight and support that your ebook has given me. I am sure that not only would I have continued to make bad mistakes during this situation, but possibly even given up. I am a survivor!!! "I Will Make It!!" Heidi |
| I wish I had had this information weeks ago. I have made some terrible mistakes....darn near everyone of the things I wasn't supposed to do. Not that I have any idea if it would have stopped his affair or repaired our relationship.......I think it was too far gone, at least for me, I just wouldn't be feeling so poorly about myself at the moment. |
| I have left my boyfriend, because I just couldn't deal with his behavior anymore. I am hoping not to reconcile, but feel better about myself, stop accepting the guilt and blame he has put on me for his behavior and move onto to a healthy relationship. I've wasted two and a half years on someone who has just tossed me aside. Barbara |
Dear Dr Bob, Thank you so much for all your help. My daughter, who was also having problems, put me in contact with you initially. We have both found your suggestions so practical, sane and helpful and we intend buying your book in hard cover. Diane |
| ...As soon as I read "I can't say No", it jumped out at me and like you said at least I know what I'm up against. I am looking forward to the newsletters and I'm sure at some point and time I could really use the chat room. I usually keep it all inside and it drives me crazy so it is good to know there is someone out there. Nancy |
| I got your e-book the day I found out that my husband is cheating on me. He's the #7 type..always ambiguous about everything especially about our relationship. You don't know how relieved I am to finally understand his issues. I was so close to losing it and I still have moments. Millie |
| Bob: Bought your e-book yesterday and I am a new man. I discovered my wife was having an affair about four weeks ago. I was depressed, needy, weak, etc.. After reading your book last night, I have an entirely new attitude. I realize it wasn't about me. Great book. It was probably a life saver. Thank you. Curtis |
| Hi,I downloaded the ebook, about 20 minutes ago, and obviously skipped to the relevant points. I cannot believe that in 20 minutes, I feel so GOOD. Not about him, not about the affair, not about saving the "relationship", (I don't call it that now,) But about ME! Liz |
| Reading your 7 do's, then 12 don'ts... played exaclty into my situation. Of course, this was at 3am while my "wife" was sleeping somewhere else. The twist is that it's in the open, and we both talk about it... however, it's usually involved the 12 don'ts. I memorized the 7 do's, recited them over and over... and I was singing in the shower this morning. And the perfect song came on the radio while driving into work (Soul Dragons / I'm Free). Eric |
| Bob: Doing great. Amazing how taking care of yourself lessens the pain of what you have been through. Since I left him, four weeks ago, I have lost 20 lbs, walk about 4 miles a day, stopped drinking (was only a social drinker), started taking vitamins and supplements and did something I have always wanted to do......enrolled in a Tae Kwon Do class! Conversly, since I have left him, he's begun drinking a lot more, has a black eye (insists he walked into a closet door in the middle of the night) and doesn't look very healthy at all.....actually looks bloated and like he's not taking care of himself. Good living and the results thereof is the best revenge of all. And kharma always comes around to smack you in the head in the end. Your jumpstart helped me to keep from losing my dignity by doing vengeful things to him and her. I still have "fantasies" about hurting both him and her, but instead of anger fantasies and rage, they have turned into humorous fantasies about their life together and what harm they will be to each other. I've finally realized he doesn't deserve me, but they definitely deserve each other. It's very freeing to "let" things happen as they will, instead of negative "plotting" of things that I would never have the energy or time (anymore) to put into play. Thank you for having your website. I can imagine if I hadn't found it, my outlook on life right now would be very bleak indeed. As it is, I feel better about myself than I have in a long time and know that the next time around, I am going to make better choices about who I allow into my life. Barbara |
| Your e-book is very helpful. I have not quite figured out if he is a number 1 affair or the person who can't say no. It made me feel a lot better to know that they have a 80% failure rate too. (lol) I have talked to him a few days ago and the woman he cheated with can't stand him to talk to me and worries if he see me. They too seem to have some trust issues. Isn't that funny? I do still want to marry him, but I have decided to put some space between us. Sylvia |
| Bob,I know that I spent $50.00 for your book. I found it to be very good, I have identified the type of afair and I think I'm working the plan. Thank You!!! Larry |
| Your web site and your e-Book really helped me to clear my head and take a positive approach. The rage, anger and confrontation don't help (except short term) - in the end you have to face this whole mess rationally and deal with it best you can. If we can save our marriage then great otherwise at least one if us will be mentally healthy. Alyson |
| I am currently home from Bagdhad, Iraq for a few weeks and my wife has been having an affair while I have been deployed. Today, while searcing the web for divorce and or annulment information I came across your website and ordered the e-book ""How to Break Free From the Affair". I haven't stopped reading since I downloaded it earlier today. Wade |
| Dear Bob. Somehow I removed part 2 of my series on surviving an affair. Could you please e-mail it to me again? I find these tid bits so helpful. Woody |
| So I'm using your book to help me with my self esteem, my methods of dealing with him not only as my husband who cheated on me but as my husband who has some thinking to do. I get a lot of strength from your b0ok. Jeanne |
| I now have the tools to recognize the signs of a cheating spouse......One of the most powerful lesson for me is that INTUITION is gold. The whole time my gut was screaming.....I KNEW all along that something was terribly wrong. With your book I was able to use the charge nuetral method..it was very effective in getting my husband to open up about his issues. Liz |
| I've NEVER felt more aware of things in my entire life....your book has open up my eyes....thankx Beth |
| I wish I'd read your book earlier, I fell right into every trap you said you should not do...I did. I just wanted my feeling expressed, and did not want to look back thinking I was stuburn and should had said/done everything I could. Your right, it sent him into her arms. He is currently asked for divorce, and has planned a future with her. Everyone, even he knows it will not work....but he has turned into someone, no one recognized. Tina |
| "Break Free From the Affair?" helped me remain calm and poised, with dignity and strength. To be myself and to be sincere in that approach. To only do what feels natural, not forced or fake. Gloria |
| You hit the nail on the head when you said that a depressed and sad person was not attractive. the more i found out about his affair, the more depressed i got and less attractive. but now that i read the book, oh how i have picked myself off the floor and am enjoying the little things in life. now he calls me all day long wanting to know what i am up to. i am done fighting and yelling. my weapon will be simply to "enjoy life". he will now be more interested in what i am doing than what the other woman is doing cause my life will be more interesting than hers.thank you. |
Dear, Dr. Huizenga, Your book is proof of your years of research. I couldn't believe what I was reading it was so on target. I've bought a ton of books.... "Spiritual Divorce". "I Really Don't Want A Divorce", I've used the bible , scriptures... nothing has helped... I feel so sad and angry. Its like I hate him and love him. But your book has put a lot in perspective. Anyway, your publication is the best I've read in the past 18 months.. Thank you so much... Andrea |
| I was able to identify the type of cheater my Soon To Be X Husband Is (Don thin I'm crazy, but I'm still in love and very much want my family back together again. On the other hand, I don't trust him and I am hurt. Especially for our 12 year old son. My self esteem has hit rock bottom. Because I never cheated in my 15 year marriage there are no old friends to call. Most importantly I've realized that THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. Jose |
I had already come to the conclusion that being positive is the best way forward, but I wasn't really sure. My painful experience has caused "negative" emotions to return time and time again - often at a moment's notice due to simple things like a particular smell or object which have associations. My head thinks positive, but my heart screams pain. Your book as already helped tremendously in keeping my attitude positive. Also, in keeping cool when my wife picks at ever smaller "negative" characteritics of my personality/actions which have obviously bugged her over many years and are now coming out into the open.
Most powerful and important learnings from your book. 1. That there is hope 2. That it'll take a while - years maybe - until we're back on an even relationship. This is good to know from the outset.3. That there is much I can do to save the situation. This turned my thoughts and feelings of helplessness around upon the first reading of the book. Yes I have subsequently re-read it many times. Sorry, I'm not so far that I don't need reinforcement from time to time ! Carl |
| Since it was only yesterday I learned of the affair, I haven't been able to really try some of the suggestions. Though, I must say, it HAS helped me keep my emotions under control. I tried talking with him a little last night, but he wasn't very receptive; however, I didn't receive the "blowup" response or just "walking away" with no communication from him that I had anticipated. I used a little of the Neutral Charge and a little of the Charge Neutral techniques. I believe this took him completely offguard. I also looked him square in the eye and HE actually lowered his. I couldn't believe it!!! He couldn't look me in the eyes. THAT has never happened before. I kept my voice low, using a tone that sounded more as if I were really listening and trying to understand, not sounding upset, accusatory, or judgmental. I don't believe I am a very naive person, though my heart tends to bleed. However, he did appear to be truly upset, depressed, dejected, and almost disgusted with himself. Again.... thank you so very much for your How to Break Free from the Affair ebook!!! I can't say how I would have reacted without it... but I can say with the utmost surety.... it would not have been the right response at all!! Natasha |
| Found book very helpful. Read it 3 times was engrossed in it. I learned how to control my temper and feelings. Larry |
| I thank you - Dr. Bob, from the bottom of my heart!! It is not simply that it is business for you, but your words are often encouraging and means somuch to people like myself in times of distress!! I want to give you a sincere word of thanks from the bottom of my heart. Nothing I read is has been as touching, supportive and helpful as this letter I received and the article you sent. Helen |
| Dear Dr. Bob, I wanted to comment about the writing skills. They are excellent! The material sometimes makes me cry and other times makes me laugh. I find myself wanting to read them over and over and am learning a tremendous amount. Thank you!Tami |
| Dear Dr. Bob Your e-mails are very helpful. There seems to be alot of wisdom and so many things said that are important. I am trying to process(sometimes have a little difficulty with this one, as things are said which are deep, it seems to take time for me to figure it out) apply, and use the material in a positive way that contributes to the growth and health of personal relationships. I greatly appreciate the time you put into this site and wonder where your intelligence comes from. It sounds as though you've had quite a bit of education. Thank you for putting it to good use and being helpful to others. I rank this kind of professionalism right up there with physicians and surgeons who make tremedous improvements in the lives of others through their skills. There are not enough of you in this world. Sometimes the truth really hurts but is necessary in the healing process. Thank you again. Maggie |
| Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I will keep you informed but find your information extremely helpful and comforting. WOW! I have stopped any and all counseling, speaking to others like family and friends. I am using your book as a step by step guide to recovery and knowledge. One source and nothing else... to many cooks in the kitchen and your book really is helping me regain control, THANK YOU! Just let me know that you received this and knowing you are there HELP A LOT!! THANK YOU BOB! Antony |
| I didn't know the "types" of affairs. I walked in to my office and my husband, Drew, was reading the download of "Break Free" he looked up and said "I'm not sure if I'm #1 or #4. He had a really weird look on his face. He asked if he could print a copy and take it with him. Jill |
| It was as if he read your book and followed everything to a tee. It was interesting to see his personality and the other woman's personality. I was eaten up with guilt and what I should have and should not have done. This helped me to see his responsibility in the relationship. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Kathy |
| Your no-nonsense approach provides me with a structure to think about all the things that haunt me and make me feel so powerless. In fact, it takes me quite some time to translate your strategies into something I might say, but at least it is a source of inspiration for 'innovative communication' and when things go sour I think of the do's and don'ts. It is not so easy to classify the affair as a single type in our case, but it is interesting to see the links between personality, sort of affair, and above all, what can possibly be done, what should be avoided, why things work and why other things don't under the circumstances. Caroline |
| I thought I had done something wrong in my 24 years of marriage. The book has made me see that I am not crazy, I do not deserve my husbands lies and cheating, and that all my anxious and desperate feelings are normal. Given time and healing I may live a normal life, that at 45 I am not at the end. There is hope for me. My husband cannot say no, never has and never will. Type 2 affair relates to him and I was astounded at the likeness. Marge |
| My wife and i are 4 months into our journey. Your e-book helped me identify her personality and put alot of things into perspective. We are going to consuling and I beleive we will make it through this ordeal. But i found your book to be right on.. Keith |
| The response techniques you advise the person dealing with the cheater work remarkably. I'm dealing with an explosive "I can't say no" person, and have been able to diffuse a lot of situations. I would have charged superior or defensive rather than neutral and calm. Life saving so far! Thank you.. Kim |
| Bob - I am doing much better since I found your site- its funny but some of your advice is just so basic but when your emotions are involved, its tough to see the forest for the tree's. Thanks so far for your advice - Jon |
| Your book has helped me with my communication skills with my husband to try and understand his side of the affair. It is definitely a beginning point for starting over. Thanks. Janet |
| Dr.Bob Huizenga, Your ebook is very helpful. I had read Divorce Remedy and Survivng an affair but I have doing it all wrong. This gave me more insight into the dynamic of what is going on and gave me stratgies to work on, something I had a hard time planning out using the other two books. Thank you, Beth |
| Read as much as I can about affairs to find out what I'm dealing with Discover 'Break Free From The Affair' Hallelujah! Cassandra |
| I have found your ebook and this 21 day jump start course helpful beyond words. In addition to my counselor, you are helping me take steps and open doors that I have felt were closed to me for so long. Thanks to your prompting, I have begun to surround myself and my three sons (ages 8, 6 and 3) in a cocoon o' love. So, as simple as it sounds, thank you very much. Melissa |
| I downloaded the ebook just fine and read until 3 a.m. (I don't sleep well these days). I have been going through so many emotions and crying sprees and no matter how strong I tried to be, or talk myself up, I couldn't get moving in a good direction. I really want to thank you for the sound advice and I was able to identify what I wanted to do regarding my marriage! For the first time in 4 months, I didn't cry today!! Robin |
| Wow! I really like Bob's affirming approach about this being a journey. He acknowlegs the pain and agony in "the strange foreign land" while at the same time is sees you coming out of this in a very positive way. Everything about him and his advice seems "right on." I think you found a great coach in Bob. He has specialized in one area...and really knows the patterns and intensity around affairs. He's also very compassionae and a great communicator who seems to be on target every step of the way. Sue |
| What was happening could be catagorized (the affair is a classic #6) and reading that helped me understand and give me a guideline out of my mental confusion. Someone had been there before me and I was not alone. I have not spoken to anyone except my husband about his affair and am now working through if I will. I had already decided before reading your book to try and make my marriage work and that was also my husband's choice so it gave me a direction in that task. Jennifer |
| Dr. Huizenga, I have found your material to be most helpful, if not outright enlightening. I have put into practice some of the guidelines and found them to be useful. As with all tools, you use the ones that are relevant and discard others. I will continue to work on the issues at hand. Hopefully, I will have some clarity and resolution to this situation soon. David |
| Thank you very much for the encouraging and supportive ebook. Best, Melissa |
| I have found the ebook and all the other resources on the site extremely helpful. I caught my husband back in April 2004, with his secretary. They had been having an affair for a couple of months. It took me till the end of June to get rid of her and I'm still not sure how that happened. My husband I seem to making it and growing somewhat stronger although he does not like to talk about it. Now that its over he of course says it was never me, he made a huge mistake, he loves me doesnt like change etc. He wants to go back to exactly the way it was. Me, no way.I was always at his beck and call, wore things fixed my hair etc the way he liked to please him. What the hell did it get me?? cheated on. That OBVIOUSLY didnt work. I wont ever go back. I find myself getting stronger. I love him, want to save the marriage and make it stronger, but I'm determined it will be on MY terms. The ebook is helping me to do that. Thanks Catherine |
| I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW GREAT YOUR PROGRAM IS, I BELIEVE THAT IT WAS THE WILL OF GOD THAT CAUSED ME TO STUMBLE UPON YOUR PROGRAM ON THE INTERNET. I DID NOT KNOW WHICH WAY TO GO UNTIL YOU GAVE ME DIRECTION.THANKS, DONNIE |
| It’s still to soon to say to what degree for the results my heart wishes and longs for but Break Free is just what I needed for ME! It has helped me express to him in language that is not blaming, ,ju |
