What to Do When There is a ChildKnowing when the OP is no longer a threat Dora asks what to do when her husband's ex-lover and daughter (by him) are still very much in the picture. Dora's question to The Infidelity Coach: My name is Dora. My husband and I have been married for 14 yrs. We have 3 children. My husband had an affair and there is now a child from the affair. I am still with him, and yes still love him. He now sees the child and his "ex-lover" almost daily. Should I be worried she's still trying to get him back into his life? My husband tells me he only see's her because of their daughter, but it worries me because the ex-lover gets upset when my husband won't change plans to see them. Their daughter will be 1 year old soon and his ex-lover is still in the big picture. What should I do as the wife? My response: Hello Dora, Time! Yes, it does take time. From my experience it takes 2 - 4 years to adequately work through a relationship crisis with the magnitude of infidelity. Dora, from the tone and tenor of your e-mail and the fact that the child is 1 year old, I would venture to say you are about half way there. Worry? Nawwww, don't worry. It's not good for you! :) Where does worry come from? Worry bubbles up from self-doubt and feeling helpless, powerless and afraid. I may be wrong, but it seems to me that your husband's "fling" with the OP is over. It served its purpose (whatever that was) and now he bears the responsibility for caring for a child the two created. As well, the demandingness of the OP is certainly not very attractive and will most likely push a deeper wedge into their relationship. But, allow me to suggest a strategy that will help you with a couple things....
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