This second part of this series will discuss the seven strategies we talked about in the first blog post that will help you stop the affair, and heal the marriage and your life.
1. First thing you need to do is to get happy. Even if you don’t feel it. Even if it’s the last thing you want to be. Or even if it doesn’t seem like it’s possible to be happy about anything. Force yourself to feel happy, cheerful and positive. You should do this especially when you are around your husband or wife, even if you have to fake it. Exude happiness and positivity until you get to that point when you aren’t faking anymore.
2. Find something you want to do, and do it. To heal the marriage, you need to heal yourself as well. Rediscover old hobbies that you’ve stopped doing for whatever reason. Take them up again and see how you enjoy them now. Or you can discover new things and try things that you’ve always wanted to do but never have. You could even try taking up a new hobby with your kids and make it an activity that’s special to you both – somewhat of a bonding experience.
3. Know that no matter how bad things may seem that you will make it through this. It’s normal to feel depressed and angry and confused about what you are going through, but whenever you feel any of these feelings, remind yourself that it won’t always be that way – that you will get through it, that you will make it to other side and heal the marriage.
4. Never let your conversations with your husband or wife be anything more than it has to be. If you need to talk about issues with the children, keep your talk only about the children. Never let him or her pull you into a conversation about something else, especially if that something else is going to be a melodramatic conversation about his or her affair and the other person. You won’t be able to heal the marriage if you entertain his thoughts on his affair. Make it clear that you do not want to talk about that but be calm and polite in saying so. If he or she does start, end the conversation.
5. Whenever you are talking to your spouse, try to find which part of what he or she is saying is true and recognize that truth. Let him or her know that you agree with that particular true statement. By acknowledging what is true for you in what your spouse says, you are helping him or her heal the marriage and recognize, in return, what is true for him or her.
6. Go out and meet new people, even those of the opposite sex. But this is not for any other purpose than to make new friends or deepen the relationship with the friends you already have. You need all the support you can get from your family and friends. Be around people who you know will help you and support you as you try to heal the marriage. People who will be honest with you and will be there for you to make you feel better about yourself and your situation.
7. And lastly, do not forget to take of your physical self while you are going through this emotional turmoil. You may be too focused on fixing your relationship and your emotional and mental health that you forget to keep yourself healthy physically as well. Take care of body with exercise and a healthy diet.
Now that you’ve read the seven strategies to stop the affair and heal the marriage, do you think you will be able to handle them? If you think you will have a hard time doing them all at the same time, it’s not a problem. You don’t have to push yourself to practice all these strategies at once.
Choose the one that you think you will be able to handle best at this moment and stick with that for a while. Once you’ve gotten the hang of that specific strategy, you can choose another and do that as well. Go through the seven strategies one by one. Don’t rush yourself. You will see that each one will make a difference in your spouse as well as in yourself, and will push the both of you towards working to heal the marriage.