Should I Confront my Cheating Spouse’s Enabling Friends?

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Chat Transcript of the Q & A

Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.

2:51 PM

To All:

If you are early and have a question, feel free to enter it here…

3:00 PM

steve (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

Beth (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

Bonnie (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

Gen (to All):

yes

3:02 PM

Beth (to All):

my husband told me that he wants to end work emotional affair but doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or her “not like her’ AFFAIR FOG?

3:03 PM

Gen (to All):

my husband came back after 3 months of no silence after my affair and we spent several days together. however, he kept saying that our marriage is over, to not talk about the problems and see where it goes, and that he misses me. but he also talks about how he’s seeing other people. there’s one girl in particular that I was concerned about and found that he was talking a lot to her while he’s been with me. I really wanted to work things out and was transparent with him but his anger

3:04 PM

Beth (to All):

YES

3:04 PM

Gen (to All):

is is preventing us to communicate. what should I do? I feel like the other woman and he’s giving me mixed signals

3:05 PM

Beth (to All):

YES

3:07 PM

Gen (to All):

he keeps saying that we’re divorced and I have no right to look into this.

3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

he told me yesterday he has tried to end it a couple of times. my guess is he is high on emotion and yes worries about her.

3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

yes

3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

not in reality

3:09 PM

Gen (to All):

yes

3:10 PM

Gen (to All):

it’s not allowing me to talk

3:10 PM

Gen (to All):

yes

3:10 PM

Gen (to All):

but I really wanted to work it out

3:12 PM

Gen (to All):

right now we’re not talking

3:12 PM

Gen (to All):

I told him that I can’t lose my self respect and dignity because he’s been lying to me this entire month and he told me to never come around

3:15 PM

Gen (to All):

should I just give him space

3:15 PM

lilly (to All):

How do I handle the additional betrayers? Those who supported my husband affair through keeping of secret & lies, using their phones, apartments to meet/hook up w/AP. He continues his relationship with these individuals as if nothing happened. I have tried to put boundaries in place

3:15 PM

Steve (to Presenter):

I’m on the other side of “Gen”, i.e. wife affair with boss, D Day + 10 weeks. Like Gen’s husband, I’m full of anger towards her. She keeps saying “I need time and space”. I bring up “steps to recovery” and she refuses to go there, i.e. share passwords, send “its over” message, answer questions I have. She doesn’t give me any hints positive or negative.

3:16 PM

steve (to All):

Same question as Lilly – friends of my wife not friends of the marriage……..

3:16 PM

Steve (to Presenter):

More than likely, I’m pushing her further away with my anger. Going in opposite directions and I’ve even started dating. While I feel liberated in many respects, after the affair I just “can’t be myself” around her anymore.

3:17 PM

lilly (to All):

sure

3:24 PM

Kaatjie (PRIVATE):

My husband has shown great remorse, but affair was 2.5 years long with great lengths and lies to keep deception. other women was my nanny and in my house every day. i get triggered by so manny things every day. things in my house that she touched. pictures of my kids at the age that it happened. when my husband becomes distant I feel like I am going nuts. 2 years post d day. how do i get sane. i feel like i will not ever trust anyone again

3:27 PM

Bridgette (to All):

no answer would be good enough lilly

3:32 PM

Carla (to Presenter):

Could the process you just described for managing triggers also be used by the spouse who is having the affair when he thinks negative thoughts about the marriage?

3:33 PM

tami (to All):

Thank you, aways learn something.

3:33 PM

Kathy (to All):

thank you

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One Response to Should I Confront my Cheating Spouse’s Enabling Friends?

  1. Nancy says:

    I did confront my husband’s friends who knew and at times assisted him with his infidelities. He no longer hangs around this group although they were his childhood friends. I sent them each a Christmas card and with each card I inserted a letter. I told them that I knew that they knew about and had assisted my husband in betraying me. I told them that I know he doesn’t come around them anymore and not to think that was pressured to happen by me. It was his choice. Also, I told them what a ‘true’ friend would do if they saw their friend putting his relationship with his wife and kids in jeopardy and that in the future if they wanted to be someone’s true friend then help them to do right not wrong. Note: I had asked my husband had these friends ever tried to talk to him about his risking losing a good wife. He states ‘no’. I do not blame them for his actions but I wanted them to know that I knew their part and to realize that they were really no friend to him or me.

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