What is a Good Apology from the Cheating Spouse?

Good ApologyHow do you know if your significant other is truly sorry for what s/he did?

Frequently, in my coaching sessions, I hear the betrayed spouse wanting and needing to feel that the cheating spouse is truly sorry.

In some cases it doesn’t seem genuine or enough. The following scenarios are fairly common:

  • The cheating spouse out of guilt may want to forget it ever happened and refuses to talk about “it.”
  • The cheating spouse, fearful of the feelings of the betrayed spouse may also attempt to “put it behind them.”
  • The betrayed spouse often is looking for remorse, expressed with deep felt feelings. That remorse often does not appear.
  • The cheating spouse may say “I’m sorry,” but the depth of those words are called into question.
  • An expression of THE apology or heartfelt remorse is often seen as a tipping point in the ability to trust now, and in the future.

Watch this video. It gives 3 great examples of apologies…


This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Infidelity Marriage, Rebuilding the Marriage or Relationship, Relationship Communication, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to What is a Good Apology from the Cheating Spouse?

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  3. Pete says:

    I too was having a problem with this. My spouse didn’t at all sound genuine about her apology.and I hated her every minute for being and sounding so heartless. It wasn’t till about a week ago or a little more did her apology have any kind of feeling in it. It still however does not alleviate my trust issues with her at all.

  4. Cindy says:

    I’m never going to know “why”. I’m never going to hear an apology…and you’re right…I cannot move on without those two things. I have no doubt that this was an exit affair, that he was angry at me for being sick with MS, that he’s punishing me for being sick and that he didn’t want to financially support me (even though he didn’t). Why can’t he just say it???

    He’s ghosted me again…I’ve not heard from him since January 6th, and even that last phone call was a screaming tirade about how I got “everything”. I just want my marriage! I don’t know how to move or how to every trust anyone again.

    I’m seeing a counselor but he like so many others thinks it should just be easy for me to move on and get over it. It’s been almost a year and I’m no closer to being “over it”.

    • Rose says:

      The same thing with me. I had high alittude migraines for 6 yrs & UTI’s. He had a affair with one 20 yrs young. We moved to lower altitude. I was getting free from most of my migraines. Then I got Septic Shock from a kidney stone. Died twice. My body was damaged for good. Neuropathy, my whole body hurts all the time. We moved to lower altitude. Found a place and the neighbor woman went after him and they started doing thing’s. The day after Thanksgiving, he was yelling at me then the word came out, “I WANT A DIVORCED!!!! It’s because I can do all these things. She drinks with him. 2 times right in front of me. We’ve been married for 33 1/2 years. He moved me to a 2 bedroom. I have surgeries coming up. But is comes with a price. Verbally abusive, cruel. He goes to her house. He doesn’t want to be with a sick person. She fun, a drunk(both) , she makes a lot of money, she’s outdoors, I can’t be out doors, it hurts so bad. He’s shattered my head

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