Types of Affairs: Affair #1 – My Marriage Made Me Do It

Here’s a question regarding types of affairs. This question specifically addresses affair type #1, or the “My Marriage Made Me Do It” affair:

Question: How do I handle it If they didn’t intentionally go out looking for someone, but found someone at a new job site while training? He kissed her twice, and supposedly texted her for the next six months. Is this affair number one (affair #1 is the My Marriage Made Me Do It type of affair, which is discussed in my ebook, Break Free From the Affair)? He says we have had a crummy marriage and that’s why he cheated.

Dr. Huizenga’s Answer: OK. That may be affair number one, and she flattered him. It could be number one. However, I need much more information. When I evaluate these, I ask a bunch of questions, but it does sound like a number one. Here are some additional questions I might ask regarding this type of affair: Is he angry? Does he blame others for his situation? Talk about flattery. Does he have low self esteem? Is he trying to prove his desirability, or is he a highly emotional kind of person who likes to feel the emotional highs? Those are all questions I would ask to kind of hone in, and pinpoint the type of affair. Again, there’s some overlap in these affairs. We can’t always fit everybody into one specific category. Many people fall into more than one category in terms of the type of affair in which they are involved.

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4 Responses to Types of Affairs: Affair #1 – My Marriage Made Me Do It

  1. Charlie says:

    I have a question. I am not married, and due to job contraints, he lives in NC I live in FL …. will the book STILL help me SAVE the relationship? Seeing as I cannot ‘check’ on his lies (which I’ve caught him in several already) and he is not being transparent with me. Although today he sent me a text : I do want to start over and this will be tough for us.

    I don’t know how long the affair was going on, but I ‘discovered’ it on June 24th. confronted him on it on July 1st (as he was out of the county until then) First he denied it – stating he thought the clothes he had put in a plastic bag in the corner of the toy room in his 5th wheel were mine [although size 42DD bra (I wear 38D) and size 12 capri pants (that I would not be caught dead in and I wear size 4)
    So – would it still be in my best interest to download your ebook to try to save the relationship — having this distance between us ? Appreciate your response.

    • Susan Pettyjohn says:

      You are lucky not to be married to this man. He is already not only cheating on you, but not even bothering to cover his tracks. Don’t worry about typing his cheating, lose him and find somebody worthy of you. I’m married ti a man I always suspected of cheating. For the past six yrs he had been having an affair with an hispanic woman seven yrs.older than me.We are still together, but it has been a long and difficult path. Going through a separation was the hardest thing I have ever faced. I made it with help from BFFTA and my sister’s unfailing support.

      Best of luck to you,
      Susan Pettyjohn

  2. Tammy Griffith says:

    My husband was trying to help a woman who was going through a bad time in her marriage because she had cheated on her husband. He started texting her sometimes they would text 400 times a day. I confronted him on Oct 23 and he said nothing was going on but I could tell by his face he had already went to far. Then I caught him at her apartment on Nov 23. He still denied it and she admitted it on Nov 24, then he admitted it. I caught him again in Dec and Jan. Even after he told me he wouldn’t see her again. He lied to his grown children over and over as well. She is 19 years younger than him. I filed for divorce and he finally came clean on everything and it was worse than I thought. I put a recorder in his pick up and now I have the things they said to each other stuck in my head. I don’t know which affair type it is but I do know he is scared to grow old and thinks he has to keep up with his boys. He works out as much as he can to maintain his body. I just don’t know.

  3. sahel says:

    When you have a cheater man
    I beleive you cant change his mind
    Instade of changing him see if you are really happy with the present situation ?

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