3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

he told me yesterday he has tried to end it a couple of times. my guess is he is high on emotion and yes worries about her.

3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

yes

3:07 PM

Beth (PRIVATE):

not in reality

3:24 PM

Kaatjie (PRIVATE):

My husband has shown great remorse, but affair was 2.5 years long with great lengths and lies to keep deception. other women was my nanny and in my house every day. i get triggered by so manny things every day. things in my house that she touched. pictures of my kids at the age that it happened. when my husband becomes distant I feel like I am going nuts. 2 years post d day. how do i get sane. i feel like i will not ever trust anyone again

3:07 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I feel stuck by my own fear. He fooled me into thinking there was hope and then he started another affair but lied about it. I even look at online dating and I am afraid. I am scared of losing my home and scared of confronting him. So it’s fear for me. He has moved in with his second AP and is pretending that he is on his own, so that I can help him with things he wants. I am scared and I want to be brave. He seems to be having a mid life crisis.

3:15 PM

Courtney Collins (PRIVATE):

Can access the phone line, it keeps ringing and ringing.

3:15 PM

Courtney Collins (PRIVATE):

Can’t

3:19 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I already gave the ultimatum and he moved out and went to live with the ow. For a short time he hinted that he would like to come back and I told him to to describe how that would work. I locked him out of the home and cancelled our credit card. Then he moved to another town for work. Recently he came back to town and told me that he split from her but found someone to give him a place to live. He didn’t say it was another affair. He told our son that he is getting a passport so we think he plans to go on to his next idea – which was to go to the Philippines and meet up with a friend who lives there with a younger woman. My husband is 61; his dad died in October 2016; he started his affair in December; he moved out in Feb 2107. I feel that my marriage is drifting our of my hands and he never told me what was wrong with it or why he went to another woman. Or why he doesn’t come back. 25 years of marriage. :(

3:24 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I guess I want to know what I should do now. Can I do anything or do I just release him to his madness?

3:28 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I am scared of that idea, but I have little to lose

3:31 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

Thank you.

3:19 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

hi bob, this is my first time call and very difficult for me to do. around this time last year and summer her behavior became very different almost one of entitlement. we have two young children and have done typical counseling upon my finding of an affair with a coworker (she said it was only emotional however I have my reservations and concerns it was more via the vast “indicators and evidence” I had encountered. I am fully disabled and have been a stay at home dad with our children since they were born. she has never apologized for the affair and I did tell her that no matter what the truth I would never leave and break up our family, I just need the truth (which I still haven’t received).

3:26 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

at the time of discovery she was “all in” doing and saying whatever she could to make our marriage work. I spent a ton of $$ , time and effort to get us away to be alone to dedicate time to us and continue to make sure I do as much as possible emotionally and physically. of late again she has become very distant and says things like I (me) don’t understand how much damage I have caused and that I am an awful husband, controlling etc. her family has always been a point of contention in that they enable her behavior to assist in covering up and encouraging her to continue to maintain distance from me. they do as much as possible to try and belittle me. we live very Close to them and we are summoned to go to her moms house multiple times per week, no less than one.

3:28 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

everytime we go over there my children get physically hurt by her siblings children and nothing is ever addressed. the latest was my nephew who is 10 and 130lbs and when they were in the pool and he tho

3:29 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

thought no one was watching tried to drown her, holding her head underwater until I went sprinting out (falling in the interim because of my back issues) and NO ONE WOULD SAY A WORD TO THIS CHILD. my wife wouldn’t even interview

3:30 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

intervene

3:30 PM

Jd (PRIVATE):

I’m at my ropes end as she continues to distance

3:03 PM

Paul (PRIVATE):

Dr. Huizenga

My wife had a very hurtful affair in October/November of 2015. I was devastated. She was sorry, regretful and promised to stand by my side and try to make up for it. For about 8 months she tried really hard but it began to fade and finally she gave up and in early December 2016 and asked for a divorce and has been really hard cold and closed hearted since. Today the divorce is imminent and despite my best efforts she is totally closed hearted and now insists and believes the divorce has NOTHING to do with the affair. She goes about the divorce process as if the affair did not happen. As if we were simply a “normal” irreconcilable difference kind of divorce. So the acts and behaviors during the divorce process hurt exponentially. They have no grace, empathy. The challenge for me is I am far from healed from the affair was only beginning to get some stability and then I got hit with the divorce and have had no support. It caused me to take steps back in my healing and I’ve become more angry

3:03 PM

Paul (PRIVATE):

resentful, hurt, hateful, etc.

Any advice on what can I do to save my marriage? We have 4 kids, including a 4 year old so we’re bound for at least 14 more years and the way it is, those 14 years are going to be miserable.

3:04 PM

Paul (PRIVATE):

Sorry it’s so long :(

3:06 PM

Kevin (PRIVATE):

I believe I could forgive my wife for the affair (although he still has occasional access to him through work) but she maintains that he’s a good person (even though he is married too). I can’t get over her behavior over the 6 months that followed. Doesn’t seem willing to put forth any (visible) effort. We are not connecting much at all and I can’t let go of the anger.

3:06 PM

Kevin (PRIVATE):

(occasional access to HER, not him)

3:06 PM

Buddy’s Laptop (PRIVATE):

My wife and I have gone out on a date recently and everything went very well. At the end she asked me to be patient. We have seen each other since. The difference is that I can feel her pulling back, walling me off, and speaking to me like a friend. How do I build intimacy and connection to her? Each time things go well she throws a wall up and claims she just doesnt feel anything.

3:09 PM

Paul (PRIVATE):

Yes