You will NEVER Go Back to the Bliss

You will learn in this coaching interview with Lisa and Dr. Huizenga:

• how Lisa manages to open a new chapter in their marriage after the affair knowing she NEVER will go back to the marriage bliss of the first few years.

First, here's a coaching review by Dr. Huizenga of a taped Laser Coaching Session with Lisa:

Lisa thought she had an understanding with her husband. If ever either one of them began to stray, they would talk about it. It was agreed upon before the marriage. It was written in stone.

And Lisa wasn't a prude. She considered herself an open person who knew sexual attractions exist outside the marriage and that probably her husband would have a desire to "make-out" with other women periodically. The making-out was ok, provided he shared his desire with Lisa.

Lisa perceived the marriage as blissful.

And, then she found out. There was a secret. Out of guilt and fear of discovery he divulged to Lisa a brief encounter 6 months ago. He felt badly and would never do it again. As well, he was extremely attentive to Lisa and was attempting to help her through this experience.

Lisa was devastated Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Her world was shattered. Her bliss was shattered. How could she ever trust him again?

Dr. Huizenga 's (partial) Review:

1. Lisa and her husband openly talked about his personal need for attention from women before they were married. "Cheating" was a part of his history with women.

An agreement was reached. They would talk about any urge he had to stray before it happened. Lisa was totally open to such talk, in reality thinking it might add a little spice to the relationship.

Lisa's needs were met with this agreement as well. She saw herself as an open and trusting person and an agreement to talk about possible attractions embellished this perception as well as created a marriage contract of openness and trust.

As a side note, her husband's affairs most likely represented parts of "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love" and "I Need to Prove my Desirability." Both types emerge more out of personal need systems. The "I Don't Want to Say No" affair emerges more from characterological issues and as such, he probably would not have embraced their agreement.

2. His affair or brief fling, as some might call it, stirred deep pain and resentment in Lisa. Lisa could more openly accept a brief fling or sexual encounter than the fact that he kept it a secret. This was betrayal.

This was a broken promise.