An After-the-Affair Sexless Emotional Stalemate! How do You Flip on the Intimacy Switch?

What follows is a case study of a taped coaching session with David.

You will learn:

• strategies and subtle tactics to begin turning on the intimacy switch.

Summary of the David Tape:

David describes a marriage where the emotional closeness switch was turned off years ago. He tried to look at the positive. After all, they were still having sex. David admitted he missed some of her subtle signals that all was not well. But the marriage continued.

A few months ago, through electronic snooping, David discovered his wife was having an affair. When confronted, she admitted the fact. From her perspective it was an emotional affair.

After reading Break Free From the Affair, David settled on "My Marriage Made Me Do It" as the affair that best characterized their situation.

His wife broke off the affair because it was "the right thing to do." In addition, David reports it is important for her to stay together for the sake of the children. David isn't so sure.

David and his wife now exist in a sexless emotionally distant marriage.

David wonders strongly if separation and divorce may be next.

Coaching review:

1. It is important to face BOLDLY all messages that we receive in a relationship of investment. Yes, we will miss some. But, when that gnawing feeling in our gut says something isn't quite right at that moment, pay attention and respond.

You CAN handle anything that will emerge. You or the relationship won't melt and disappear with a little conflict, or a lot of conflict, for that matter, if handled somewhat properly.

Approach those subtle, almost hidden messages with a conviction that says, "Yes, we can handle this. The worst case scenario is to pretend it doesn't exist."

David and his wife could work on developing this assumption.

2. Believe there is more - much, much more to explore and discover about one's self, your partner and the relationship.

A stalemate, hitting the wall of silence, attack, defense or withdrawal indicates you are missing much more in your self and the relationship. The elephant is sitting there, you sense it is there, but you fail to acknowledge it and in so doing give it more life-draining power.