Infidelity Quickie: Their Sex is Not Always “Hot”
By Dr. Huizenga – The Infidelity Coach
I think you will find this extremely helpful. I do much one-on-one coaching which I find extremely gratifying and my clients extremely helpful.
Why keep it to ourselves? I’m going to share some of the insights that take place in real-time coaching. It’s a new group of short articles called: Infidelity Quickies. They also will appear on my blog: Visit my blog now, please! I would appreciate it.
When you do, leave your comments about this article: “Their Sex is Not Always “Hot.”
(I received permission from these two coaching clients to generally refer to their situations.)
Yesterday two of my coaching calls were with those who had the extramarital affair.
Both of them hugely regret the extramarital affair. Not only that, they explicitly described their sexual relationship.
And, their sexual encounters left them cold. Literally!
The first was a male who seemingly struggled through extramarital affair #6: I need to prove my desirability. He described a life-long pattern of struggle with self-esteem. (Now, this is not news – most of us at some level question our esteem – but for him, it was more intense.)
He found someone (or maybe was was found by someone) 15 years younger who flattered him. It felt good. The flirtatious relationship lasted for some months. He reported that they “tried” to have sex on a couple occasions. The result was terribly unsatisfying and only compounded his guilt.
The second person was a female who also encountered someone 15 or so years her junior. Of their infrequent attempts, she recalls being traumatized to the extent that she felt like it “wasn’t her.” She did remember that he was unable to get an erection. I’m now working with her and her husband to “makeover” their relationship.
I bring this up to help those of you who think that the sex your spouse/partner had with the other person was something just a tad short of stupendous, or maybe was indeed a stupendous event. (Sex perhaps was on one level “good” – at least from their perspective – but this is only true for particular kinds of affairs.) Actually, I believe sex can NEVER be as good in an extramarital
affair as it truly can be in a committed relationship founded on truth and integrity. But, perhaps more of that later.
Please keep in mind that you may indeed be idealizing their sexual encounters.
Many of you have difficulty shaking thoughts and vivid images of your spouse having wall-banging sex with the other person. This is OK. It’s normal. Our culture sends a plethora of distorted messages concerning sex. One of them is: sex is “hot” when you are with your affair partner. Not always true!
I hope this little quickie offers a reality test for your thinking.
A “Must Have” to Compliment Break Free
I recommend another resource to help you cope with infidelity. One of my online colleagues, Dr. Frank Gunzburg, offers a wealth of information that compliments Break Free From the Affair.
Dr. Gunzburg has done an amazing job of breaking down all
the steps that both the injured, the cheater and then the
couple need to go through if they want to heal their relationship.
He’s got 3 specific phases that he encourages his readers to go through and you can start the program even if your spouse isn’t willing.
You can read about Frank’s great material by using this link:
Please click for Frank’s great material.
Accelerate your Healing and Marriage Saving
If you want to move more quickly through your pain and mend your self and your marriage, sign up for one of our coaching packages.
Unhook yourself from the blind spots and move ahead not around in circles. Jen and I will support you, encourage you, love you and help plan a way to break free.
You might want to hurry, because when the new E-book, “Infidelity Recovery – Marriage Makeover” comes out, the coaching prices will go up.
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over the phone. (Sometimes more, depending on your needs.)
It’s simple. It’s convenient. It’s easy. It’s confidential.
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