I have worked with several people who had engaged in extramarital affairs, most of whom have said that they deeply regret being unfaithful to their partners and feel awful over what they did.
There are two cases, in particular, where the clients described how their undesirable sexual encounters with the other persons made the guilt of the extramarital affairs even worse.
One of the cases was a man who had always struggled with his self-esteem, and pinpointed his extramarital affairs as that of number six – I need to prove my desirability. He described how he met a woman 15 years younger than him who flattered him a lot and made him feel good about himself — better than what when he was with his wife. The flirting eventually turned into a sexual affair, but then during the few times they had “tried” to have a physical relationship, the results were always terrible.
The second case, on the other hand, was that of a woman who had met and started an affair with someone who was also 15 years younger than her. She said that while she was in the other relationship, she never felt like herself, that she always felt as if she were another person. She’s even went as far as to describe how the other person had a hard time getting an erection when they tried to have sex. She has since ended the affair and is now working on fixing her marriage.
There are plenty of other cases of extramarital affairs where things didn’t go quite as you had imagined. You may think that affairs always consist of better conversations, better sexual encounters, and better companionship than what you have in your marriage. Keep in mind that it’s not what happens. Most of the time, it’s the exact opposite.
Although it is easier to think that your partner’s sexual encounters with the other person is great and very satisfying, probably because the affair will make more sense if it was, it is not always the case. Don’t always believe your worst thoughts about extramarital affairs as truth because they aren’t always true.