Choices when Coping with Infidelity

We face choices when coping with infidelity. Sometimes, that’s all it is: coping with infidelity. It is difficult to see the joy or the expansion of life and relationships.

We choose to find bright moments, moments that give comfort and a little solace. Maybe this is a prelude to a next step? One would hope so.

Here’s a story of someone coping with infidelity and attempting to find any small silver lining:

I’m still trying to recover. Your book has helped me to have some self-healing. I read, and re-read it. I tried to share it with him to no avail. He just couldn’t care less—talk about Passive/Aggressive.

My marriage is not restored. He says he just doesn’t want the strain/stress of working on a marriage, etc. He still lies about all his adultery, etc. I’ve faced the fact that I will not hear the truth. He “left the marriage” years ago. He just didn’t leave home.

I am in bad health and just don’t have the strength to fight for a divorce, and a fight it would be the lawyer told said. We live pretty divided lives while still living together. He’s “happy” just to have a “companion”–his word. Sad life. But, I have family and friends who love me, and grandchildren that give me happiness.

His main interest is his money, and eating out. He doesn’t like people much, so he doesn’t care that he has no friends. You just can’t fight that type of mind, and I can’t build a marriage by myself. I’ve gotten over the anger period. I just mainly feel sorrow for the pathetic person that he is. No joy or gratitude for all his blessings.

I have learned to find joy in the smallest things for which I am grateful. I still appreciate reading your letters. Please keep me on your mailing list.

This entry was posted in Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Real Life Infidelity Stories, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Choices when Coping with Infidelity

  1. G Wandyez says:

    I too have been in a marriage for 23 years where there has been a third woman. She and my fiance had several escapades at work. He was her client. After we got married, the woman continued to pursue him. She finally got married. They exchanged wedding gifts. She moved overseas, and she wanted to see him. So, we got on a plane and visited with her husband. The chemistry between her and my husband was still there. We then had children and they exchanged baby gifts. Coincidentally, the children are the same age. She moved back to the States to get a divorce and called him up. It started with emails (that I objected to) and later to phone calls, he sent her perfume for her birthday, then phone sex, and then she flew across the country to see him and stayed at a hotel near our house. (I was on a business trip.) She started looking for real estate to move near him. The next night she was invited by my husband into our house while our young children were asleep upstairs. He says that he ended the relationship there and then in our house. He said he made a promise to her that he wouldn’t call her anymore. But, here it is 23 years later, and she is calling him, and he is calling her back. He claims he loves me. But, I think, enough is enough.

  2. mary lou carinchi says:

    I got married in1970, divorsed him in 1994 because it was the firts time I had found out about another woman, and remarried him in in 1996. I had 5 kids and was broke, living with mom and dad. May 2009 I finally realized this behavior has been going on for 40 years. He now has a 48 year old blonde who he met at work and is extremly involved in his life. I believe it is the “I want to get back at her” affair” and there is no hope for us but he wont leave. He is in total denial, and of course he says the he has NEVER done anything wrong and that it is all in my head. I told him it was over but he keeps acting like nothing is wrong, ( cutting the grass ),but he will stay away for 12 hours at a time and not answer his phone when I call so I stopped calling him I stopped communicating with him and I can’t stan the sight of him. I am having a hard time with him here. I keep getting panic attacks when I see him. I am not sure what to do right now.

  3. Angela Guina says:

    My husband has been cheating from the day we met. He has phoned his lover almost daily for the last 25 – 30 years, (unknown to me ) and when her husband moved out, the sex really kicked in. He is a truck driver so his absences from home were always accounted for by his saying he was taking the truck interstate. I found out by accident when my phone bill ( which was always high) showed charges for services I had not authorised. It was only after browsing through the numbers and ringing the odd ones to see they were not mistakes, that her number came up, again, and again. I found accounts dating back 8 years, and there she was,daily, sometimes 8 calls a day Even when I was on life – support in hospital in Sydney and he came back to Canberra supposedly for business, he rang her when he left me, and again when he arrived in Canberra. 2 days later he returned to me. ( perhaps hoping I would be dead as it certainly would have made his lot easier !)Since finding out he begged for another chance, and since I am now not well enough to work and support myself ( cancer) I have no choice but to stay. He has already taken my house and savings to bail out his business debts.I have now discovered he uses a SIM card, so no record shows on the telephone bill,( which he blatantly denys) and he is also getting online to “adultfriendfinder” chat rooms. Sex and Porn !! So, like the previous lady who has experienced similar experiences with her cheating husband, I find little things to give me joy – Grand-daughter, old friends, art etc. It is not the same as having a beautiful , happy marriage, but I have no choice.
    Thankyou for your articles, I realise I am not alone, other people experience these disappointments and survive. Your advice has helped keep me going.

  4. Sandra Munoz says:

    My problem is that my husband is not home he is working abroad because he says there is nothing to do here. He lives in a department but I am not sure if he is living with the OP at this moment. I know by the OP that he told her he would divorce me to marry her, but he has not say anything to me regard ing this issue. He say that all this is not true, but the OP says he is having a relationship since 2007. He still denies it. My oldest (30 years old and sigle) lives at home is the one who normally talks to him almos every day. I write him, he writes a couple of lines but never say anything that have to do with intimacy. This OP was still married last year,has two children, my husband helped her in her divorce. Use to be a friend of my son. My son, daughter, and younger 21 year old son were affected by this because her previous husband talked to them about the affair of his wife with my husband,(was also a friend). When I came back from helping my husband taking care for a business in another town, my children told me about this surprising problem. In the seven kind of infidelity I recognized a little bit of three or four types of infidelity my husband has. I wish I can explain more about my case but it is difficult to write everything through this via. Thank you for your attention.
    Sandra

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