Internet Fantasies and Cheating


More comments from readers. Note the pain and ambivalence in the last reader.

The fantasy of it all, and the ease with which one can “pretend” to be anyone at all without face to face contact or daily interactions as in a normal relationship. So does the internet cheater truly fall in love with their online cheater? Or is it the fantasy and the ease of sustaining it via the internet that causes the emotional infidelity?
After it has occurred and evolved into my wife leaving and beginning a relationship with her boyfriend of 23 years ago – what can I do to get her back?
Firstly, I want to say that this email of yours is very pertinent to me! My husband was contacted by an ‘old girlfriend’ on Facebook! …… and it went from there! My concern is that Facebook appears to be emerging as a particularly insidious mode of communication. It would appear that insecure or vulnerable people are ‘picked off’ or allow themselves to be sucked in because this is, in the beginning a reasonably easy way to get to know someone without the face to face awkwardness that goes with actually meeting someone. One can act out one’s fantasies on line and have the opportunity to sever communication without complications if one chooses to do so. No wonder the fantasies often end up going further into the “How far can I take this?” scenario.
My life was controlled by my mother,she chose who my friends would be, including male friends. I always listened and never disobeyed. Because of this control, I never was allowed to chose for myself. I eventually married (her choice, not mine) I loved my children and was a good mother, but my husband and I did not get along that well. My children have left the nest and now I am lonely. I wanted to have someone to chat with or e-mail. I was approached online with a man from another country, who also wanted a pen pal only. We both agreed we would not cross any boundaries, that were not appropriate. Everything, was fine for a while. Then he mentioned that he had feelings for me, but that we would never ever meet each other. I should have paid attention to the doubts that were beginning to form, but I dismissed them. He was praising me with compliments, that I never received from my husband. He was married also and educated more than I. I was flattered by his attention. But toward the end, he wanted a cyber affair with me. I refused his offer. I was very hurt because he thought I would actually consent to his wishes. I was starting to care for him very much. Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing.

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3 Responses to Internet Fantasies and Cheating

  1. Betty says:

    Social Media and internet cheating is dangerous to a marriage . I try to never do I don’t need others knowing my business or every move and I am a farmgirl so I don’t have time for it .but my ex-husband seems to have time for it and that a big problem for me and the other woman he has also he moved in with him but still comes to be with me after19 yrs of being with me and 9 1/2 of married to me. He seems to like playing games and playing with my brain !

  2. David White says:

    My wife was sucked into a very steamy emotional and sexting affair with a military romance scammer on Facebook which lasted for 6 months. We had been married 37 years at the time. She fell for him so hard that she would have left me for him if he had been real. It progressed from a I fell out of love and just love being in love affair to a my marriage made me do it affair. Her hunky Sergeant in Afghanistan turned out to be a little shrimpy African teenager in Accra Ghana. She spent thousands in credit card advances to elope with her imaginary lover. I have no Idea what brought all this on. We have reconciled and all she will say about it is “He chewed me up and spit me out”. and “He said all that stuff to me “love bombing” and I didn’t think I loved you anymore.

  3. Kimberlee says:

    My husband cheated online on me with hundreds of other mean and woman. It’s been almost two years. He still likes to cruise craigslist as “entertainment.” I am finally realizing how hurt and the true enormity of what he has done to me. He spent thousands on online cam whores, joined every dating site “looking for love,” every hookup site, app, you name it, he had an account, sometimes several accounts under numerous emails. I’ve finally woken up. He will never change. I was a fool for believing him in the beginning and an even bigger fool to think that type of person would ever stop. I’ve made my decision though. Now I can rest better……hopefully.

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