More comments from readers. Note the pain and ambivalence in the last reader.
The fantasy of it all, and the ease with which one can “pretend” to be anyone at all without face to face contact or daily interactions as in a normal relationship. So does the internet cheater truly fall in love with their online cheater? Or is it the fantasy and the ease of sustaining it via the internet that causes the emotional infidelity?
After it has occurred and evolved into my wife leaving and beginning a relationship with her boyfriend of 23 years ago – what can I do to get her back?
Firstly, I want to say that this email of yours is very pertinent to me! My husband was contacted by an ‘old girlfriend’ on Facebook! …… and it went from there! My concern is that Facebook appears to be emerging as a particularly insidious mode of communication. It would appear that insecure or vulnerable people are ‘picked off’ or allow themselves to be sucked in because this is, in the beginning a reasonably easy way to get to know someone without the face to face awkwardness that goes with actually meeting someone. One can act out one’s fantasies on line and have the opportunity to sever communication without complications if one chooses to do so. No wonder the fantasies often end up going further into the “How far can I take this?” scenario.
My life was controlled by my mother,she chose who my friends would be, including male friends. I always listened and never disobeyed. Because of this control, I never was allowed to chose for myself. I eventually married (her choice, not mine) I loved my children and was a good mother, but my husband and I did not get along that well. My children have left the nest and now I am lonely. I wanted to have someone to chat with or e-mail. I was approached online with a man from another country, who also wanted a pen pal only. We both agreed we would not cross any boundaries, that were not appropriate. Everything, was fine for a while. Then he mentioned that he had feelings for me, but that we would never ever meet each other. I should have paid attention to the doubts that were beginning to form, but I dismissed them. He was praising me with compliments, that I never received from my husband. He was married also and educated more than I. I was flattered by his attention. But toward the end, he wanted a cyber affair with me. I refused his offer. I was very hurt because he thought I would actually consent to his wishes. I was starting to care for him very much. Beware of wolves in sheeps clothing.