Marriage Problems and Infidelity: Are You A Chaser?

The overwhelming feelings of devastation created by infidelity or a marital crisis often leads one to start chasing or pursuing the spouse. One spouse pursues and the other spouse distances or runs.

The pursuer often believes that the distancer is a key to overcoming the painful feelings and so s/he pursues or tries to wiggle out of him/her whenever possible to alleviate some of the pain, confusion or other negative feelings.

Pursuing often follows the course of pleasing, being whom the pursuer heard the distancer always wanted, being more loving and romantic, using different forms of persuasion and so forth.

And, the pursuer is often unaware of that very process, those very tactics in essence, usually drive the distancer further away.

No marital healing, restoration or resolution can effectively take place if this imbalance is not acknowledged and addressed.

The pursuer and distancer must get to the bottom of the need to pursue and distance.

And, effective communication must take place around this topic.

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Infidelity Reasons, Relationship Communication, Relationships: Marriage, Signs of Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity, Types of Affairs and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Marriage Problems and Infidelity: Are You A Chaser?

  1. Darrin says:

    What i dont understand is you feel the love between my wife and i, We have been dealing with alot, been together 13 years always had Trust, Love, but really needed to spend more time together but was still a Trusting relationship. Well 8 months ago found out she has been lying to me and just not small white lies, Huge lies, found things i never would of thought. Felt so betrayed, I truly dont know how far gone but i tell you the Internet and Face Book is a Wild place. So much you can hide in FB and Social Apps hidden in other apps? Well try to build on a new way of Love and Life, but when she cant help me with my feelings of hurt and betrayel it drives me crazy, like my feelings or need to know doesnt matter? Just an answer of i was in a dark place and felt depressed? WTH we all go there once in awhile but no way is she going to say what has went on? The thing is our Love is not fake i can feel the Love but to not address these issues is driving me to be distant and wanting to leave?
    So all you guys with wifes buried in FB you better find a way to pull her out !!

  2. David says:

    My wife had an EA with a romance scammer on Facebook. 38 years of marital bliss down the toilet for me. We’re trying to make it but…20 payments, thousands of dollars so they could “be together”.

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