Infidelity: How to Make it Through an Affair with Faith

The following real life infidelity story is from one of our readers, a father of four who endured the pain and misery of his wife’s affair after she met the other partner in a bar. After realizing he could not change his wife, he began to focus on looking within himself and relying on his faith in God to make it through. Read his story below:

My wife actually told me that she had met a guy in a bar and he had called her, but that was it. We were having marriage problems at the time and I just brushed it off. I later found out that it was more involved than that and found the cell phone bill. I was crushed, angry, and hurt. We have four children and I could not believe that she would do this to us. I found comfort in family and friends, but found myself wallowing in painful misery everyday re-living the hurt. My job was a mess and I couldn’t focus on anything. I went on the internet and read books. I confronted my wife and received empty promises. I went to church and started to study the Bible. I had a very influential person enter my life who got me to see that I could not change others but with patience and belief I would make it through. The battle was on and it became more a battle with myself than with control of the situation. These things take time…sometimes a long time but it becomes about you and that’s when good things start to happen. Nobody wants to be around weakness and in the end you will help your marriage by being strong. You just have to have faith that things are going to get better.

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Marriage, Infidelity Pain, Learn How to Confront the Other Person, Marital Crisis and Self Esteem, Real Life Infidelity Stories, Self Care, Signs of Infidelity, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Infidelity: How to Make it Through an Affair with Faith

  1. Dee Jay says:

    I give you a lot of credit for being able to look towards God and develop a faith in him through all your pain. Many, many times I have asked “why me God?”, and many times I have lost faith because I felt as if I was being punished for something. Why did He create the circumstances that brought my husband and his latest girlfriend together? Why did they get more and more involved every time I asked God to tear them apart? I just kept remembering the quote “revenge is mine saith the Lord” so I left them alone. I have asked God to help me through situations where I might run into them together and so far He has done that much for me.
    You are so right in your comment about battling yourself. My imagination has been my worst enemy, but slowly day by day it is getting better.
    Good luck on your journey.

  2. Annie says:

    I agree with Dee, as this is exactly what I had to do, leave it up to the Lord to avenge the wrongs that had been done to me by him and his girlfriend.

    So, I decided that my past will remind me, but not define me, it may inform me but no longer control me. I will no longer allow him, the man who hurt the family and me for so many years to influence us in the future. I refuse to let him smuggle his way into my life ever again nor will I allow him to have a staging ground in my life so that he can continue to influence and/or control my future.

    I took a stance, that I will not be a victim anymore; I rid myself of all the bitterness, angst, and anger along with every form malice I had directed at him, with the help of the Lord. In addition, I told him that I pardon him, that’s right the person who abused me, deceived me, betrayed me, and hurt me. It felt great to utter those words to him and show him grace. It gave me a real sense of freedom and peace. I also told him that I will not allow him to follow me and the kids into our future. It was the only way to break the chain on what he had to us over the years. You see he will never be able to undo the damage he has done, nor can he ever restore what he has taken from my kids and I.

    The Lord has given me this strength to weather this season in my life, and has brought a true sense of peace, even though this has been a very difficult time in my life.

    I wish you all the best and will be praying.

  3. DJ says:

    It took a year to feel better, owning my power and just focusing on my purpose, mission self-help and job, showing strength, which is more attractive. Realizing I cannot change anyone, especially not cheaters. I show up to give and not please and prepare to walk away and not look back. Even though I had chemical proof of the affair, she cannot admit to the affair(s) and she tries very hard to hide it. I am here for the two kids and prepared to leave if she won’t give or share love. I meditate and pray every morning & night, allows me to take a step back, no more chasing, arguing or confrontations. I can only stay for so long as she’s already got a foot out the door even though her moods can swing nicely. I have leaned to never do what my parents have nor hers, when I am ready to fully detach, be done with a mediocre non-affectionate/sexless marriage, I’m a happier/healthier person alone, than stuck in her world.

    • Scott says:

      Well said.
      My situation was siimilar.It also took “chemical proof” to break through her denial. I chose the same path you did, and through meditation and prayer was given the patience and direction to carry on.
      Funny, the answer I kept getting from God was LOVE. So I went with it and gave her unconditional love even though I wanted to run.
      It took about a year before she noticed.
      But it worked!

  4. Stephanie Chapman says:

    God can change even the worst of circumstances. My husband’s affair was the worst thing that ever happened to me. We also had 4 children, one a sophomore in high school and 3 in elementary school. But I see God’s hand in every aspect of intervention that ultimately led to a phone call which caused my husband to realize what he was fixing to lose (his AP wanted him to completely walk away from his children, no joint custody, no weekends, no nothing) and God really showed him how he needed to change. In turn, that led to my relationship with the Lord being deeper and now, at almost 33 years of marriage, my love for my husband and for God still continues to grow deeper every day. I pray that God reaches your wife’s heart and shows her His love, and in turn that your marriage and your love for each other will deepen.

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