Affair number 4, “I Fell Out of Love and Just Love Being in Love.” This affair, I think, is really problematic in terms of confronting the other person and I think there are pretty good reasons for that. Confronting the other person provides juice for the affair couple, because the affair couple loves drama. They’re often drama queens or look for that emotional high. Confronting the other person may solidify and strengthen the affair relationship. Also, what may happen is the affair could have been and may have been rather quiet or subtle or in the background, but confronting the other person, your cheating spouse may become more overly critical of you and may begin comparing you to him or her in hurtful ways that the cheating spouse is oblivious to.
Interestingly enough, I interviewed Linda, whose husband, Doug, was involved in an emotional affair. And she decided that she would not confront the other person, which was really interesting.
I called her up, and I said, “Hey, Linda, I’m doing a webinar. Would you be willing to be on it with me, talking about your relationship?” I knew they were open to that. And, she said, “Well, I have some real strong opinions about that.” And I thought, “I wonder if it jives with what I’m coming up with?” And she said, “You know, I just decided not to confront the other person with the emotional affair.” And I thought, “Wow, that’s, that kind of fits with what I found out.”