Confronting the Other Person Webinar – Intro

When dealing with infidelity, don’t we sometimes feel like a detective, trying to figure out what the other person’s doing, or what your spouse is doing? Your eye is focused on him or her, wondering. All kinds of questions and images run through your mind.

So, it may demand a tremendous amount of our time and energy.  For some, I would say, most people who bump into an affair, one of the questions becomes “Do I confront the other person, or not?”

For some, that question doesn’t emerge. But, if you’re reading this, I would assume, that question has confronted you. Do you confront the other person, or not? There’s been a lack of material on that. I didn’t really run across a whole lot as I did some reading on this particular topic.

I have my own ideas. I thought that, perhaps, confronting the other person would be problematic; would stir up a lot of problems, and would probably not be a good idea.

But I did some research. I sent out a survey about six months ago to my readers, and I got a tremendous response. Over 500 people responded with stories and comments about their experiences in confronting the other person.

And it opened my eyes to a lot of issues, related to confronting the other person. And actually, to my surprise, a large number of people who told their stories, found it helpful for them, if not for the marriage or their relationship.

So, I want to thank you for all your participation, for your comments, and for your stories, if you happen to be one of the people who have been involved in this process. And what it’s done, it’s helped me create a new e‑book “Confronting the Other Person: End the Humiliation.”

Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting several excerpts from my webinar on confronting the other person, with plenty of valuable information on confronting the other person.

If you have a story about confronting the other person, please feel free to share it by commenting after this blog.

This entry was posted in Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts, Emotional Distance, Emotional Infidelity, Infidelity Coaching, Infidelity Marriage, Learn How to Confront the Other Person, Surviving Infidelity and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Confronting the Other Person Webinar – Intro

  1. Unknown says:

    I confronted the other person after finding out a year and half ago. She denied the whole thing and put it off on one of her ex-coworkers. She even said that she would be willing to meet with my husband and I and say the same thing to his face. What a liar and coward she is. This made me realize that she was not worth talking to and what a real low life she is.

  2. Tricia Phillips says:

    I phoned her immediately after I had found the texts. Told her I I knew now what had been going on and that if she wanted him she was welcome. The bitch said “thank you” which I thought was truly crappy. I will confront her after the divorce has gone through and I dream of punching her in the nose!

  3. Molly says:

    Confronted 2 of my sex addict husbands mistresses. Both told me I was a crazy, jealous wife. I knew Immediately that the control freak I was married to had couched them. Both where employees of OUR company. It was obvious to everyone, even our children. Long story short, dozens of affairs, lawsuits, waste of my time and life. Cautionary tail to the boss…it hurts everyone, costs you a lot more than the hundreds of thousands WE paid out. It cost my soon to be ex the respect of our children, his reputation and his sanity.

  4. Nancy says:

    I did confront the OW which was easy to do since she was a ‘friend’ for thirty plus years! My husband and her three years on and off meet in a motel for sex affair happened thirty years ago. My husband’s sister actually told me ‘your husband is f—–g (her name) at the time but I was so naive and thought she hated me that much to say something to hurt me. I did ask them both and of course they both denied it. (I did not know that the affair stopped then and there). Fast forward to now 30 years later and my husband has finally admitted it was true. Know that this person for all these years has still come around me and my family and our children have been just like cousins. She and her husband have since divorced due to him repeatedly beating her, verbally abusing her and both of their infidelities. She has continued to come around ( in retrospect I think hoping my husband would start back up with her). So, after my husband finally told the truth I called her and invited her over for drinks. I had not done this in years. She brought her ex-husband with her because she lives with him and takes care of him since he has had a stroke. I sent her ex and my husband (who was looking pretty sick) to the store and that is when I confronted her. I said, “Guess what? My husband finally came clean about you and him.” Long silence while she just sat there looking stunned and then said, “I’m sorry.’ I asked her how she could do such a horrible thing and that I would have never did anything like that to her. She stated, ” I know.” She tried to explain it away by saying back then she had a lot of anger at her then husband. And I stated that the anger you had with your husband made you have sex with mine? And she just sat there. I told her that I really did not see her (them) anymore anyway but from this point on to definitely stay away from my family (meaning my daughters). I was very calm and civil…but really hurting inside because of the double betrayal (of my husband and my ‘friend’) that was now a fact not a suspicion. I told her to make up any excuse she liked so that when her ex and my husband returned from the store that they could immediately leave. When they returned she jumped up and told her ex there was an emergency and they had to leave. Her ex looked confused because he had been genuinely happy for all of us to be together like ‘old times’ and my husband just looked sick. We have had one encounter via text message when she found out I had told some mutual girlfriends about her and my husband because she wanted to take this to her grave. It was ugly. She told me if my husband ever called her again she would do it again because it was ‘good’! She called me fat and I told her that her big lips had come in handy gor all of the d—ks she had sucked over the years and had absolutely nothing to show for it. I told her how pathetic she was and probably just feeling a little ashamed that people knew and what would her son say when he finds out what a piece of shit his mother really is. Again, it was not pretty. But it made me feel good and I do not regret it.

  5. Nathan Weiner says:

    I confronted the other man. Via telephone. I’m sort of neutral, leaning more toward glad I did it. He denied it, denied he found my wife attractive. I think my tone of voice anc volume scared him.

    Part of me says “neutral” because I didn’t get a lot of pleasure out of it. The part that WAS pleasurable was listening to him squirm on the telephone, not for revenge purposes but to understand that he was not the Earth bound god my wife made him out to be.

    I don’t regret doing it but didn’t get much pleasure out of it either. Slighly pleasurable. Based on my experience no strong recommendations either way. If you can do it but if you can’t it’s not that big a deal.

  6. BeckyB2 says:

    I have confronted 3 of my husbands gf(gross fucks) the first one I didn’t have a clue he was cheating his best friend brought it to my house I not so politely told him to get his whore out of my house after he stood there telling her all this would be hers if she played her cards right I was so fooled by my husband it makes me sick now to look back and see how sick he has been and how long. The last (it) whore he had he called to tell her he what he had done to her and what they both had done to me was crazy emotional overwhelming . My husband called and told her he was a liar as she screamed all the lies he had told her about me that he never wanted me to hear and of course no consequences for him so all he could say was I lied she got more upset more crazy screaming me telling her she was a maggot filled serial street whore she sold her self for lies and drugs to a married man she screamed NO NO not again (yes she has played this game before) she gave me a lot of new information and my husband spent the night crying in his recliner. Did this make me feel good no I felt she got what she deserved and any nice/ good thoughts she had about my husband he destroyed that night . Knowing she knew the truth and that she would have to live knowing she abused me and allowed herself to be abused as she said again she had to see herself and her self destruction made me free to see her not as a threat but as a self entered selfish immature sick lowlife I found I pity her and i was so happy to know I’m not like that . The one that was the sickest was my ex best friend of twenty plus years she has insinuated her nasty self at the worst time (in 31 year old son was dying of cystic fibrosis ) by asking if she could help and I was a basket case already and to have to deal with a sick messed up serial cheater made me want to buy a gun and well that’s better not said but let’s just say my mental state would have gotten me a plea of temporary insanity . Oh and the exfriend had the idiocy to ask did I do something wrong . One day every one has to stand before God and I am so glad I am not any of them. I have also confronted on the phone one who knew about me yet I knew nothing about it . I did a great thing by telling that one who called and interrupted my husband and I having fun in the shower with a phone call. I guess it didn’t like me saying I didn’t like being interrupted during sex in the shower she was so mad she broke up with my husband YEA ME. Am I feeling better for confronting the it’s who are sick enough to cheat with my husband YES . I am a loving caring wonderful powerful woman. I am a confrontational person I am smart I am emotionally stronger I have been put through the fires of hell by adultery and like gold I am stronger and I have more value by remaining me who I am who God created me to be. Just be ready to confront the lies and stand up for your truth never fall for the lies. I have to say being shit bombed by the lies/truths opened my eyes to the deliberate intentional deception my life had been.

  7. anonymous says:

    I found an email and confronted my wife.I told her to contact him or I would(which she did).I told him I know his name,place of work,wife’s name,street address,where he works out.She received a return email apologized for his actions never to be heard from again.
    The second one got a phone call placed on his voice mail telling him his wife and three children should be so proud of their dad for not having morals.I also did my research and told him I knew where he works, his wife’s name and email address and his home address.(it’s amazing how much stuff you can find on Facebook)that person took down his account and didn’t defend his actions.In this instance both men were married and had a lot to lose and ended everything in less time it took to write this post.
    The fact they ceased contact I feel also sent a clear message to my wife that maybe she isn’t as attractive as she thinks she is and was reduced to nothing more than a piece of ass to those guys.

  8. Edymag says:

    It’s been a year..I still can’t get over my wife’s affair.. The other man. married. I think I will confront him, tell his wife & kids about it, so he too will suffer like i did.

  9. Honorable says:

    So I confronted both. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected such a thing. 20 years of marriage and what kills me is that they are 10 years younger. I’m 39. They started 2 years ago…all because she suspected me of fooling around. She would always ask me about scenarios and if I would have done such things… Needless to say, she had tried them. I just didn’t get it…our sex life is amazing, never boring (which she admits) but she says that wasn’t the issue. She honestly thought I was involved with a younger coworker. The first guy I politely “threatened” with an article 135. See, he is a new Army officer. “Telling” on him would destroy everything he’s built…and his wife,as she is a public official. The second idiot, which my wife stop seeing due to idiocy, was not all there to begin with. The first one just listened and I guess was freaked out I showed up in a guarded facility. The other just lied and made promises of staying away. Of course I caught him with his pants down with another woman at the time. They have kept their promises thus far….as has my wife…but the hurt creeps back like a shot of pain. I did everything for her…sacrificed so much and she never believed I loved her. She’s trying, but I hope I’m doing the right thing in staying.

  10. Pete Morton says:

    The other person is/was a destitute Metro Taxi driver w/Hiv. He has a habit of finding women with assets, sweetalking them, building himself, then bashing/discrediting the huband. I fed that filthy SOB with food I prepared. He was with her (both caught naked) in that taxi at 6 weeks of him becoming her “regular driver). He saw we had many rental houses. He wanted the life I built. She just turned her back easily. It was a year before I learned truth. She exposed me during that year. I’m negative still and it’s been 5 years, many tests. The forced divorce (27 married) had her filing false abuse claims, of which “he” was witness. These laws, my god! I had to hire an attorney now. She recommended not challenging it at the 14 day hearing. They both would have lied and made up stories she (attorney) said. The court would have made me move from our house, the one weve owned 23 yrs. My boy (9 at the time) lived here also. She (my wife) had left many times before, some a day, some many days. I rolled the “order” into the divorce, then used time as proof he was better here. The guy (metro taxi driver) is pure evil and would have caused things which would have set me up. I wanted his nuts, thats all. In a jar of formaldehyde. I couldn’t touch him, he kept her hidden, he now had exclusive access to her. It the most crazymaking situation ever. Anyway, she took 2/3 of the business I built but her rights to her kids are still are suspended and have been for over 4 years. My boy has a 4.167 GPA is on the high school football team and in general does ok after living thru this mess. Me, I’m just plugging along, making things happen, holding our own. I’ll never recover. She won’t even pay the ordered kid support.

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