Affair Newsletter – 10 Keys to Loving Communication

10 Keys to Loving Communication

Communication is the key to developing trust and intimacy in a relationship, especially a marriage or relationship devastated by infidelity or an extramarital affair. Communication is a huge word and open to different definitions. Read here 10 practical keys to effective and trust-building communication:

Love 101: 10 Keys to Loving Communication

What’s love got to do with it?

What is love, anyway? Especially when coping with, recovering from and healing from infidelity?

I’m putting together a series of articles and exercises to help you “get at” love.

Now, you can do this alone, if you spouse or partner is absent (emotionally or geographically) or you can do with with your spouse or partner if you are attempting to rebuild your marriage or relationship.

Read through this list of 10 and mark each on a scale of 1-10. 10 being “I do this all the time” and 1 being “I don’t do this at all.”

If your spouse or partner is absent, consider doing this exercise with a friend. Do the exercise and have the friend give feedback. Or, the friend might want to rate and participate as well.

If your spouse is there, each person rate each point on the 1-10 scale. When completed, share your responses. Make sure you communicate well (use these principles) when sharing! Talk about those responses.

Give reasons for marking the way you did. Refrain from making judgments or give opinions about what the other marked. No blame. No criticism. Give plenty of space to disclose. Listen. If you don’t agree… hold your tongue!

You are building new ways of thinking about communication, about “love” and new ways of truly communicating with others.

Here are the 10 keys to Loving Communication:

1. I tell my spouse or partner the truth. I hold back on nothing, even the little details. I see no reason to withhold any information.

2. I currently cannot think of anything of significance that I have not disclosed to my spouse or partner. There is nothing left unsaid. I cannot think of anything that I should have said or have thought about saying to him/her but did not.

3. I feel comfortable and at ease talking to my partner or spouse. We typically check in with each other every so often to fill each in on matters.

4. We tend to take turns sharing with each other. It’s not as if one is always trying to get the other to talk. Because of that, it’s fairly easy to make decisions.

5. My partner or spouse truly hears and listens to me. And, there is a special effort to do this when there are disagreements or strong differences of opinions.

6. I am aware of my attitude and the kind of attitude I hold a given moment that will affect the quality and power of our communication.

7. I listen to my partner fully. I do not interrupt or contradict when s/he is speaking. I hold my own and give him/her ample time to disclose.

8. I typically respond to my spouse or partner in ways that honors his/her uniqueness and his/her best self. I do not react or impulsively respond.

9. I do not complain to others about my spouse or partner. I do not complain to my spouse or partner. If I want a change, I make a request.

10. I assume responsibility to let my partner know what I want or need. S/he need not read my mind or guess. It’s clear what is important to me.

I’ve thrown this list together. There is most likely room for improvement for this exercise. Once you do this exercise, please help me improve the excercise by answering a few questions. Go here for the questions.

Dr. Robert Huizenga

Comments are closed.