Infidelity: Get Relief and Find Hope
Dr. Robert Huizenga
It is possible to break free from infidelity and chart a new course for your life and marriage.
Marital infidelity is a most difficult journey. The infidelity most likely will, or is, shaking you to your very core. It stirs up profound feelings such as betrayal, rage, hurt, sadness or confusion, to name a few.
The act of infidelity often controls your every waking thought and often disturbs you in the middle of the night. Isn’t that right?
So, your infidelity journey is intense and to be honest, quite complex.
My vision is to use my two decades plus of experience, study and research as a therapist to provide a wealth of in-depth and solid information to help you break the chains of infidelity. Your life will never be the same, after the discovery of marital infidelity, but it can be better, and you can find the life and loving marriage you really want.
You will discover how to get through marital infidelity more quickly. I don’t want you to remain stuck forever. I want the lousy feelings and obsessive thoughts to fade, fade, fade until they are merely a distant memory.
Here’s the story of one woman’s struggle with infidelity:
Around 7 years ago my husband had an affair. Almost 7 years later I still feel so broken hearted and some resentment toward him. I still go over her name (first only, number and address). Every time we fight I am sure to throw it in his face. I had him sell his car and boat, our bed and we had to move because I didn’t want anything around that reminded me of her. I am almost always depressed and think about how I could ruin her life. Why is everything still so fresh in my mind? Why do I hate this person so much and just want vengeance? Will these feelings ever go away??
It doesn’t have to be this way for you.
Your life and relationship(s) are not doomed to a caldron of pain, anger and explicit mental images because if infidelity. In reality, infidelity in your marriage may be the best thing that ever happened to you and/or your relationship. (I know…maybe hard to believe right now… but someday this reality will grab you.)
I hope at some point soon you will powerfully discover that your life and relationships can be immensely satisfying, and that the marital infidelity in your life was a path that lead you to that source of satisfaction.
Unfortunately, most of us have been taught little about relationships and specifically infidelity. Most of us have grown up rather clueless about love and marital development. We needed a course in Love 101 but never got it.
This site will point you in the right direction.
Build Self-Esteem and Confidence. Nothing goes down the toilet faster in marital infidelity than your self-esteem. A huge chunk of the pain and anger has beneath it the awful thoughts of being inadequate, unwanted, and discarded sexually, and emotionally.
Begin to learn that you are not responsible for the infidelity. You did not create it. The marriage did not make it happen. Your spouse chose to have an affair. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
Got the point? Make sense? Probably not. But, we will work on that. You will begin to understand what I’m talking about. And as you do, you will begin to unhook yourself from the marital infidelity and your spouse, which paradoxically gives you the only chance of saving the marriage, if you choose to save it.
Discovering the themes and patterns takes the bite and agony out of infidelity.
Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in marital infidelity. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in infidelity.
No, you are not alone. In my work with thousands of individuals over the past 20+ years, I’ve come across a significant number of people who were in the midst of infidelity, but no one knew, nor did anyone ever discover. So, I believe that statistic.
This will not diminish your suffering, but please know that others facing infidelity are experiencing similar feelings and thoughts.
There are patterns, themes and characteristic ways of feeling and thinking that will bombard you and others in marital infidelity.
In the pages that follow you will begin to learn about patterns and themes that are typical of those who navigate the turbulent waters of infidelity.
Learn to Strategize, Take Control.
I want you to be confidently decisive.
Part of being decisive and planning a strategy, is knowing what you are up against. I want you to be more than a loose cannon flailing around on the deck. You want to know the target, aim carefully and have a real good idea of what will happen when you shoot. (I’m not sure I like the metaphor, but it seemed to stick in my mind. I suppose a cannon in the hands of someone who just discovered his spouse is involved in infidelity might lend itself to more images!)
Infidelity is not always infidelity. Marital infidelity is exceedingly complex. Part of the sense of lostness comes from being confronted with something that makes no sense and to be blunt, seems crazy.
But, we will begin pulling the nature of infidelity apart and make sense of the seemingly senseless. I want you to know where you are going, how to get there and know when you arrive.
I want you to know that you can make it through infidelity.
I want you to come to the conclusion that perhaps the marital infidelity is the best thing that happened. Your marriage can be infinitely better and you can be better.
Sincerely wishing you the best…
Dr. Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach