Emotional Virtual Affairs, Addiction and Spirituality
The following excerpt is from one of our readers who has had experience with emotional or virtual affairs after over 30 years together:
“I have learned that my husband has a problem with addiction, whether it be a video game, pornography, the internet, etc. He is intensely obsessed when he gets into his preoccupation. Four years ago it was a virtual affair with a coworker who sat right next to him. She was in a lull with her own marriage, and also engaged in fundamental Christianity. His excuse for his interest in her was “friendship” (he has few friends) and his need to grow spiritually. He would get up in the middle of the night and check his email several times. Any spare time he had he was typing love letters to her. He wrote more verbiage to her than he ever did with me over almost thirty years. He was addicted to the emotional infidelity. He liked to hear the way his words sounded in his letters to her. This affair continued for over a year. She was hooked on him because of her own neediness and loneliness. She was ready to leave her husband for him. Upon his discovery of the email affair, her husband came to our house and screamed at my husband, in front of all of our children, to stay away from his wife. This prompted my husband to continue with his obsession even more. Eventually, when the woman realized that my husband would not leave his family for her, she filed a sexual harassment complaint against him. He was still obsessed and tried to revive the relationship. He was brutal with me, blaming me for getting in the way, threatening divorce because I was so hurt, etc. It was insane. I felt like I didn’t know him anymore. Why am I still with this man? I still love him and we have a lot of children. I also realize that he has some profound problems. And I also KNOW that I can live without him. I am a whole person, I am strong, and I am worthy of love. I was devastated by the virtual affairs and his insane behavior, i still feel deep hurt that he was so thoughtless and inconsiderate of me. I no longer trust him. I did a lot of research on infidelity. I realize that none of what my husband did had to do with me. It all stemmed from his neediness and emptiness. Yet I also don’t feel he really loves me in the way I would like to be loved — he doesn’t love himself. Thank you, Dr. Huzenga, for your fabulous work.”
