Everything You Need to Know About Extramarital Affairs
An increasing number of men and women have engaged in extramarital affairs at some point in their marriages. This may seem like a really high number, but I’ve actually handled some cases in which the infidelity in the relationship was never discovered. Although it is a vital part of any relationship to trust your partner, you should always have trust in your own instincts as well.
With this in mind, you should make yourself aware of any signs that could point to your partner having extramarital affairs. You won’t always know or notice when these people – a friend, relative, or even your own partner – are being unfaithful, but there are some telltale signs that you can identify to help you when you suspect someone of having an affair.
A few of them are pretty basic, such as a sudden change in his or her daily routine and behavioral patterns. You could be sensing that something is “off” or “out of character” with your partner but not be able to say specifically what it is. Other signs of extramarital affairs take a while to get noticed, like a lack of focus in work or any activity he or she is doing, a detachment or disinterest in things related to your relationship, or a change in habits.
Confronting your partner with your observations is probably the best thing you can do. Even though these changes don’t necessarily mean that he or she is involved in extramarital affairs, it is still best to ask why the changes occurred to know what is going on in your partner’s life. Be brave enough to confront him or her about it. The way the confrontation will go will, of course, depend on the status of your relationship, but knowing the truth of what is going on in his or her life is better than being filled with questions that don’t get answered.
Knowing the differences between the seven types of extramarital affairs can also help you a lot. Educate yourself and understand that there are different kinds of affairs – why and how they start, what it means to your partner, and how your relationship affected his or her decision to go through with it.
Here is a brief description of the seven different kinds of extramarital affairs:
Your partner may have done it for revenge over something that you either did or did not do. It may have also started because he or she is angry over something and wants to get back at you for it. Both of these are extramarital affairs caused by revenge but they present very differently from one another.
There are some people who feel some kind of entitlement in having the perfect partner, and tend to move from one person to the next in the pursuit of that.
Others crave the excitement and drama of falling in love and discovering a new love so much that they focus on that feeling more than they do in trying to stay in one relationship, even if it means having to go through extramarital affairs to get it.
Some tend to engage in extramarital affairs to kind of affirm their desirability, not always to other people, but most of the time to themselves.
There are those who, for some reason or another, can’t seem to just say no to the other person.
And there are those who are confused or afraid of being intimate – either in general or in the way that you want to be – and they see this as something that is wrong with them. This drives them to seek comfort or reassurance from extramarital affairs.
Different kinds of affairs mean different approaches in handling the situation, which in turn will produce different results. In some cases, an affair could be the best thing that happens because it becomes a reminder for both parties of how much they mean to each other. In others, an affair means the end of the relationship. But one question that most people ask after an affair is when they can feel normal again. Truth be told, there is no exact time-frame for when someone can be completely at peace with something like this.
Extramarital affairs demand different things, from patience and understanding to tough love and action. It just all depends on what kind of affair it is. Whatever your way is in handling the situation, it is important to be honest with the reality that the emotional demands from you will be great and intense, and it will take a while before you start feeling normal again. Typically, it takes about 2 to 4 years for a person to completely get over the emotional impact of being cheated. Having a good therapist or counselor may help you deal with extramarital affairs faster, but it usually depends on your situation. Again, this will differ from person to person.
Just remember that one of the most important things you will have to develop is to trust yourself, and to not put your trust completely in your partner. You should also learn to deal with the ramifications of what extramarital affairs can do to your relationship.
So now that you know a little more about extramarital affairs, what are the things you can do to help your partner go through his or her infidelity crisis? Here are a few things that might help:
1. I want to be left alone to go through what’s happened and process things by myself. I don’t want advice from people pestering me about what I should do or how I should handle things about extramarital affairs, especially if I don’t ask for it. I want to be able to make decisions by myself without feeling that I have to do oblige what other people think I should do.
2. I want to feel accepted, to know I’m okay. I want someone to listen to my pain, and maybe point me to the different directions I can go to get away from the pain.
3. I want to be reassured that my feelings of pain and suffering and guilt from these extramarital affairs will not always be present. I want to know it doesn’t last forever, and that I will find strength and courage and hope again eventually.
4. I want to be understood. I want people to accept that I’m unsure of what to do and what I want to do, of how I feel and what I want to happen now that the extramarital affairs have happened. I want you to be able to just be there for me even if I don’t make any sense.
5. It would be great for someone to ask me how I’m doing from time to time – ask what I’m learning about myself and how to handle everything. And to actually mean it, not just ask me to be nice.
Healing is possible after extramarital affairs, and knowledge about it will give you the push you need to start.