How do I Get Rid of the Pain?

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Chat Transcript of the Q & A

Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.

2:52 PM

Bobby (to All):

Hello everyone

2:53 PM

Bobby (to All):

Dr. Bob thank you for taking the time to do this.

2:56 PM

To All:

My pleasure, Bobby…

3:00 PM

Bobby (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

Scott (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

CSB (to All):

yes. thank you!

3:00 PM

AJM (to All):

Can everyone hear Dr. H?

3:01 PM

Bobby (to All):

yes ajm

3:01 PM

Deborah (to All):

yes

3:05 PM

Scott (to All):

images

3:05 PM

Bryant (to All):

why did she keep going back? Was he better

3:05 PM

Bobby (to All):

You get to a point where i thought im over it then yes the images just pops in

3:06 PM

Bobby (to All):

then ager sets in once again

3:06 PM

Scott (to All):

yes

3:06 PM

Scott (to All):

sure

3:07 PM

Tracy (to All):

It

3:08 PM

Deborah (to All):

spouse chose his sex addiction over treatment, his counselor told him our marriage was toxic and he left, and now verbally abuson and

3:08 PM

CSB (to All):

i’ve realized the same thing. My partner is at times also a trigger

3:08 PM
[ Waiting for name ] (PRIVATE):

How common is abusive behaviour from a WS. To this day, the flashbacks/nightmares etc from the abusive behaviour is worse then the affair it self.

3:09 PM

CSB (to All):

same here scott

3:09 PM

Bobby (to All):

yup

3:09 PM

Deborah (to All):

being enough.

3:09 PM

CSB (to All):

yes yes yes!!! not meeting your partner’s needs

3:10 PM

Bryant (PRIVATE):

Why did she keep going back to him? Was he better?

3:12 PM

Laura (to All):

Mornings very difficult, really miss him but feelings aren’t mutual, he’s doing nothing to work towards marriage and restoration. Limited communication. Very painful and sad. Trying not to contact or initiate contact, very difficult

3:14 PM

AJM (to All):

Emotional Affair – pain is that the problems continue to come into focus as we are trying to get through them as well as the other person is not out of the picture (business colleague)

3:15 PM

CSB (to All):

my partner and i are well on our way to recovery after 16 mos but there are days when I am just so so sad. I hate bringing up the past but at times I can’t help it. I’ve accepted the reality of the affair and that it wasn’t personal but it’s hard to let go. I look at him am filled with love, empathy but also loss.

3:15 PM

Deborah (to All):

How do I stop nightmares?

3:16 PM

Tracy (to All):

It’s been 2 years, 3 months, 3 weeks, 5 days since first D-Day. Every day I envision her with her APs. I think about where I failed. If I had done things differently, she would not have cheated to begin with. If I had been able to move forward better following her first affair, she would not have cheated again and again. Her repeated cheating has proven that I am not good enough. She has filed for divorce. My life has been destroyed. No marriage, no job, no home, no vehicle. I am the embodiment of failure.

3:16 PM

Bryant (PRIVATE):

this was a revenge affair

3:16 PM

Sarah (to All):

you just said an affair brings up powerfull themes that have not been resolved in our lives? could you elaborate on that idea?

3:17 PM

Lana (to Organizers):

why can’t he be nice and civilized why the passive aggressive behaviour … why keep pushing the buttons that hurt

3:18 PM

Bryant (PRIVATE):

Its been 2 years to this day and she continues to lie

3:18 PM

Lana (to Organizers):

why can’t he just say I want ….

3:22 PM

Laura (to All):

yes

3:29 PM

CSB (to All):

charge neutral!

3:30 PM

CSB (to All):

follow Dr Bob’s charge neutral advice

3:34 PM

CSB (to All):

thanks again

3:34 PM

Deborah (to All):

thanks

3:35 PM

AJM (to All):

Thank you!

3:35 PM

Ceccanti (to All):

thank you

3:35 PM

Scott (to All):

really appreciate your time dr. bob

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