Infidelity Details: Reasons Why They’re Kept Hidden

Most people want to know every single one of the infidelity details of what happened when they discover that their partner was involved in an extramarital affair. When, where, why and what happened? We all have our reasons for wanting to know and they are all different.

But what if your partner doesn’t open up about what happened in his or her other relationship with the other person? What if your partner avoids talking about the infidelity details, ignores your questions about it or even pretends that it never happened all together and wants you to do the same?

Here is a look at some of the reasons why your partner may be closed up about the infidelity details:

If your partner is involved in an “I don’t want to say no” affair, his or her needs are the priority and yours aren’t all that important. So when you ask about the affair or try to discuss infidelity details with him or her, your partner will just shut you out because he or she doesn’t see or doesn’t care how important it is for you to know unless he or she gets something out of it in return.

If your partner is having the affair as a kind of revenge for whatever reason he or she has,  your need to know about the infidelity details and his or her keeping them from you is just another way for him or her to hurt you, which he or she will gladly do so to get back at you.

Maybe your partner doesn’t consciously know it or isn’t aware that he or she is hiding infidelity details for that purpose, but he or she enjoys seeing you hurt or in pain, and if not telling you will hurt you more, then he or she isn’t going to.

There are plenty of other reasons why your partner could be keeping these infidelity reasons from you, some that he or she is consciously aware of and some that he or she is not. But whatever reason your partner has for doing so, look into yourself and ask why exactly is it so important for you to know what those infidelity details are.

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3 Responses to Infidelity Details: Reasons Why They’re Kept Hidden

  1. Orlando says:

    Dr Huizenga,

    Thank you for all your tips. They have helped me fight through my wife’s emotional affair and given me good insights how to help the visitors to my site. I regularly refer my visitors to your resources. I have always been a person that has self-reflected so your tips on making distinctions and mind shifts are concepts that make a lot of sense.

    There has been something I have wonder about that maybe you could help me with.

    Why do you think most cheaters stay in a relationship? (Especially if they have been cheating for awhile?) Why not just run off with their “angel”?


  2. Dr. Bob Huizenga says:

    Hi Orlando,

    From my experience, most cheaters intuitively know that their affair relationship is temporary. They don’t trust that relationship, and shouldn’t, since it’s based on deception: i.e. if I marry him/her, s/he will probably do the same thing to me (cheat.)

    Also, the wounded spouse is often the “rock” in the relationship, providing a point of stability. The cheating spouse knows that, and needs that. The affair relationship does not provide that.

    Those are a couple reasons… off the top of my head. Thanks for asking.

  3. pat says:

    Who wants to be the rock when your spouse is not a partner and is nothing but deceptive marriage is not a babysitting job that was your mother’s job and she can have it back
    Your mother failed miserably didn’t you learn anything in kindergarten treat people like u want to be treated share be kind not me me me I I I

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