Confronting Your Cheating Partner: Why You Should Know What He Did

When you find out that your partner is cheating on you, one of the first reactions you might have is that you want to know every detail about his other relationship. You want to know who the other person is, what they did, when they did it and even where, whether your partner enjoyed it or not, if the other person is better than you in any way – you just want to know everything.

Some people would say that it is better not know these things and that you should just let it go and move on, but it is important to know that there is nothing wrong with wanting to know everything that happened.

Here are some reasons why you should know the details about your partner’s other relationship:

1. The need to be validated. There are people who have kind of a sixth sense about things like this, sensing that something is wrong even when there is no real evidence to support that “feeling.” Asking your partner about the details of the other relationship helps you validate a “feeling” you had, for example, on a specific time when you felt that your partner wasn’t acting like himself. Hearing that, yes, your partner was with the other person at that particular time erases any doubt you may have had about yourself and you become reassured that no, you are not crazy.

2. You want to know if it was something you did or did not do that pushed your partner to have an affair. You want to know what they did and how it compared to the things that you and your partner did, especially when it comes to sexual interactions. What you have to remember, though, is that you have to be kind to yourself when you compare. Most often than not, his sexual encounters with the other person are not as profound or significant as you imagined.

3. You want to know how deeply involved your partner is in the other relationship. What is the extent of his actions and how much do they actually mean to him? You want to be able to assess if you can forgive the things he’s done or if it will be too much for you to handle. And, you want to know if your partner can let go of the other person or if he wants to continue his affair and end what he has with you.

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One Response to Confronting Your Cheating Partner: Why You Should Know What He Did

  1. monica says:

    have known my boyfriend when he was 18. He was my best man in my wedding but my marriage fell apart in 2004. He helped me emotionally and we fell in love. Although he had suggested me to find somebody better than him due to his unstable career, I was being supportive and believing in him. But, we argued a lot because of 6 years age differences. In April 2012, we had a big fight. We started not calling and seeing each other for 3-4 months. Every time we fought, I would say I am done with you but we always tended to be back together in the past. But, I showed up a few times on May and June and he told me that he recently made new female friends thru online. Then, I got his phone call detail list and found out that he was talking to a girl for 2-3 hours every night. I tried calling her but I hung up when she said hello. After 15 minutes later, my boyfriend demanded me to call and tell her that there was nothing going between he and me-happened on November 10, 2012. We had an intimate relationship for a couple times before that. I lost 20-lbs within two weeks. On February 24 2013, he pounded on my door with tears and begging me to forgive. We got back together. He bought an engagement ring and promised me to get married before May 22. But, his ex. Girlfriend named “Jennifer” contacted him b/c she got locked out and he had the spare key of her apartment. He lied and told me later when he was on the way back home. The next day, she contacted him again to return GPS and he went to see her again. I was waiting at his driveway on that day and tried to call him many times but no response. All my fears and nightmare kicked in just like the way I got hurt last year. I have a hard time trusting him. He tried to apologize and said nothing had happened between them because she also has a boyfriend now. I recently found out that he went to LA with his ex. on Memorial Day. His ex. was the one who called me and told me to listen the phone conversation between him and her. That was how I found out. My anger got escalated and I went to his home and slapped him very badly. Everything got escalated so big that his mom, brother and sister-in-law including my mom knew his cheating. He immediately apologized and asked me to give him a chance. But, the damage was too big that my mom dislikes him and advises me to stay away from him. His family members also feel embarrassed and requested me not to contact their brother. I still do care about him and want the best for him. I am all confused because instead of getting angry for what he had done, I am feeling sympathy for him.
    I don’t understand why I couldn’t hate him after I had been lied twice. Did you ever think that we can go back again considering my mom’s disapproval and the action from his family members – they think that we shouldn’t be back together?

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