When you find out that your partner is cheating on you, one of the first reactions you might have is that you want to know every detail about his other relationship. You want to know who the other person is, what they did, when they did it and even where, whether your partner enjoyed it or not, if the other person is better than you in any way – you just want to know everything.
Some people would say that it is better not know these things and that you should just let it go and move on, but it is important to know that there is nothing wrong with wanting to know everything that happened.
Here are some reasons why you should know the details about your partner’s other relationship:
1. The need to be validated. There are people who have kind of a sixth sense about things like this, sensing that something is wrong even when there is no real evidence to support that “feeling.” Asking your partner about the details of the other relationship helps you validate a “feeling” you had, for example, on a specific time when you felt that your partner wasn’t acting like himself. Hearing that, yes, your partner was with the other person at that particular time erases any doubt you may have had about yourself and you become reassured that no, you are not crazy.
2. You want to know if it was something you did or did not do that pushed your partner to have an affair. You want to know what they did and how it compared to the things that you and your partner did, especially when it comes to sexual interactions. What you have to remember, though, is that you have to be kind to yourself when you compare. Most often than not, his sexual encounters with the other person are not as profound or significant as you imagined.
3. You want to know how deeply involved your partner is in the other relationship. What is the extent of his actions and how much do they actually mean to him? You want to be able to assess if you can forgive the things he’s done or if it will be too much for you to handle. And, you want to know if your partner can let go of the other person or if he wants to continue his affair and end what he has with you.