What Do I Think About in My Worst Moments?

Infidelity WorryDwelling in your worst moment may seem counter intuitive, to say the least.

However, Dr. Huizenga states it is crucial to acknowledge your pain and learn from it.

After all, it’s leading you to what you truly want. He gives a technique to mine this unwanted area of your life.

Pay attention.

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7 Responses to What Do I Think About in My Worst Moments?

  1. Susan says:

    EVERYTHING you say is so true. I should have seen this years ago. I needed this then before all was gone and I ruined it.

  2. C says:

    All these things are so true! All the things you mentioned is related to my pain. Thank you for all you are doing to help people like me get through this painful time in our lives. I NEVER thought that I would have to deal with this. As I told my spouse, I did not want to be in this club.

    The one thing that I am having to deal with now is, does this happen to all couples. I look at couples now and wonder if one of them are cheating or have cheated. I have lost confidence in relationships. I don’t like this at all.

  3. theresabp says:

    at any one time I’ve felt all of the types of pain you have listed. But #1 on my top ten list is the hurt that I have caused the people that cared for me. God gave me three extraordinary children. And despite my (our) best attempts, they have become wonderful people, each special in his/her own right.
    My inability to address the problems I KNEW WE HAD in our relationship, my fear of failing, my lack of self respect in allowing the hurts and humiliations of his activities to continue unimpeded, allowed me to justify my escape into alcoholism. Someone said to me that my recovery was gift I gave to my kids. I had a problem, I acknowledged it and took the steps to try to correct it. Every day. I’m healthy now, but they will be paying a price for my problem forever. So my worst pain is knowing that I lost so much of their love and respect and I’ll never get that back and there are no do-overs

  4. steph says:

    i used to think we were better than that I had this great man who loved me and would never cheat and well here i am he did and i am learning to get over it.

  5. George says:

    I was devastated when I found out my cheated, still can’t comprehend it but she is trying to be remorseful but I can’t find the ability to forgive or forget

    • Survivor says:

      Me too . It’s been years and to me it feels like yes. He says what he thinks I want to hear, it’s just so insincere. If it was so wrong why didn’t they stop.

    • James Garner says:

      Forgiveness is what you give yourself before you give it to your wife. The pain you are living through is worse than anything you have ever experienced, but if she is willing and you are receptive you can both overcome the issues that lead to her actions. It is not your fault, she made the decision to betray you, she had other less painful choices than this. That decision is entirely on her, not you.

      The fact that she is remorseful is a good sign. If your marriage was going bad before the betrayal you both have a lot of issues you need to work out with your inner selves, a good counselor can help. Healing will take more time than you think, you both must be very patient and work very had.

      You mentioned forgive and forget, yes forgiveness must be offered, hopefully she has asked for it, BUT you will never forget. This is something that you both will live with for the rest of your lives. That is a good thing though, it is an ever present reminder to you both to keep vigilant for problems, keep communicating and work through problems, be completely honest with each other when something is going on that is causing problems. If both of you want healing you will get it, but this isn’t an easy journey. Stay in there, love each other, be kind to each other and show real affection to each other. Reach down and hold her hand, grab her and give her a good long hug, a few pecks on the cheek or lips often and end you day with a good night hug and kiss and you both need to give a kiss so that you know your spouse means it.

      I understand what you are going through. It is about 8 months after DDay for us and we are working at it, both still making mistakes sometimes but we talk about them and apologize for our slip ups. Never leave anger out there and above all, for this to work your wife must cease ALL contact with the other person. This has been the hardest for my wife.

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