Extramarital Affairs: What Should You Know and How Do You Survive It?
Recent studies show that a growing number of married individuals, both men and women, have been involved in extramarital affairs at one in their marriage.
And after working as a marriage counselor and providing relationship help for over two decades, I agree with this. I’ve had some clients, even, who have never revealed their infidelity to their spouse and have never been caught.
And the possibility of having someone close to you, either a friend or a family member, who is involved or has been involved in infidelity cheating is very high.
You may see some signs of a cheating spouse. You may notice changes in his or her behavior, daily routine or habits. He or she may show less interest in things that you used to love to do together, or may seem disengaged or removed from you. You may start to feel like something is off or not right in your relationship that you cannot specify.
Not everyone who has gone through extramarital affairs will reveal it. Most of the time, those who have hidden it and have never been caught will continue to hide their marital infidelity because they are guilty and confused and angry at themselves. They are embarrassed for doing what they did.
If you sense something from your partner, or feel as though he or she is hiding something, try to confront him or her with the things you noticed. Ask about what he or she is going through, if anything is wrong or if there are any problems that you need to know about.
Cheating Husbands and Emotional Infidelity: What kind of extramarital affairs?
When it comes to coping with infidelity and surviving it, it’s vital for you to know that there are different kinds and signs of infidelity, and each one provide a different function. With my experience with many cheating spouses and couples going through affair crises, I’ve specified 7 different kinds of extramarital affairs.
One of the most common types of extramarital affairs is emotional infidelity, which starts because of an apparent lack of intimacy in the case of the cheater. There’s also one that is due to sexual addiction resulting from some kind of sexual trauma experienced early in life. Another kind of affair arises from a person’s sense of entitlement to have relationships with people who they think fit them best.
Another common type of affair is due to a cheating spouse’s pursuit of “true love.” He or she is so in love with the thought of being in love that it doesn’t matter where that feeling is coming from. Infidelity could also be because of revenge for something that you did or did not do for your spouse. Or it could be a way for your spouse to affirm his or her desirability because he or she does not experience it within the marriage. And there is also extramarital affairs caused by a confusion or misunderstanding of distance and intimacy in marriage.
Surviving Infidelity and Saving the Marriage
The experience of surviving infidelity and healing the marriage after it will be different depending on each kind of affair. For some couples, extramarital affairs could be the best thing that happens to their marriage because it brings them closer together and makes their relationship stronger. But for other, for most, it means the end of the marriage. It means pain and betrayal and heartache.
Discovery of extramarital affairs will cause an intense emotional impact that will take years to completely work through. When you begin to have suspicions or see signs of a cheating spouse, it usually messes up your daily routine. You begin to have sleepless nights, become unproductive and begin to imagine him or her with another person. Coping with extramarital affairs can be easier with the help of a good therapist, but you shouldn’t try counseling as a first step in saving the marriage.
This is due to two main things: the destruction of trust in the relationship and the effects of keeping a secret from your spouse. How you can get through this is to focus your trust on yourself. Trust your instincts and what your gut is telling you. You should also learn to deal with the impact of secrets in a relationship.
Acknowledging these two things and learning to get through them is the key that you will need in surviving infidelity, whichever one of the seven it is. It will help you move forward and know what to do with your relationship and with your life.
————————————
About the author: Dr. Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, is a respected Marriage and Family Therapist with over two decades of clinical experience, study and research. He created and maintains the website:http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com. Site description: Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs Help – Relationship help to survive infidelity, save your marriage and move beyond marital infidelity with an infidelity coach. Learn signs of cheating husbands or spouse.
