What to do with a Husband who has Emotional Affair with Co-worker

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Chat Transcript of the Q & A

Glad you are here. Feel free to add your questions or comments.

2:58 PM

John (to All):

Hi Dr Bob, I can not talk tonight, my wife is still in the home but having an ongoing affair at work, any advice?

2:58 PM

Todd (to All):

I would like to ask you this week how to start not focusing on the things of the affair that I know now how to keep it from being the focal points of my everyday life what are things I can do to try and get it off my mind

3:00 PM

AJ (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

EF (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

Safa (to All):

yes

3:00 PM

CSB (to All):

yes

3:06 PM

Safa (to All):

will a request for separation and divorce be the ultimate test to see if the cheater will come around?

3:06 PM

Mary (to All):

My spouse is back home n the home again, but extremely critical. I think he is feeling guilty about his affair and he seems to be doing more “alpha male” behaviors. explanation?

3:10 PM

Todd (to All):

ok

3:12 PM

Bridgette (to All):

im the cheater. 10 yrs ago! im doing everything I can to ahow how sorry I am. I give him his space and sleep on the couch. what else can I do? I dont argue or cause any issues. we have been married 22 yrs!

3:14 PM

Safa (to All):

yes thanks!

3:15 PM

Courtney Collins (PRIVATE):

Can access the phone line, it keeps ringing and ringing.

3:15 PM

Courtney Collins (PRIVATE):

Can’t

3:16 PM

Mary (to All):

No, not #2, he says he feels he is not respected

3:17 PM

jmack (to Presenter):

My wife’s affair was 10 years ago. She just revealed it 1 year ago. (23 years married) Is it any easier to recover than an affair recently discovered. I’m seriously struggling after a year.

3:18 PM

Bridgette (to All):

yes…

3:18 PM

jmack (to All):

My wife’s affair was 10 years ago. She just revealed it 1 year ago. Is it any easier to recover than an affair recently discovered. I’m seriously struggling after a year.

3:19 PM

Bridgette (to All):

ok…

3:19 PM

jmack (to All):

BTW 23 years of marriage

3:19 PM

Bridgette (to All):

yes

3:19 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I already gave the ultimatum and he moved out and went to live with the ow. For a short time he hinted that he would like to come back and I told him to to describe how that would work. I locked him out of the home and cancelled our credit card. Then he moved to another town for work. Recently he came back to town and told me that he split from her but found someone to give him a place to live. He didn’t say it was another affair. He told our son that he is getting a passport so we think he plans to go on to his next idea – which was to go to the Philippines and meet up with a friend who lives there with a younger woman. My husband is 61; his dad died in October 2016; he started his affair in December; he moved out in Feb 2107. I feel that my marriage is drifting our of my hands and he never told me what was wrong with it or why he went to another woman. Or why he doesn’t come back. 25 years of marriage. :(

3:20 PM

Mary (to All):

He is very controlling by nature, and resents me having any opinion different from his. He is, Hoover, trying to do a few helpful things around the home. In our entire marriage of forty nine years, he has never once apologized fir anything!

3:20 PM

Todd (to All):

the question to Bridgette though as my wife also did this is why did she have the affair maybe that’s what he struggles with as I do

3:20 PM

EF (to All):

Found my husband involved in emotional affair with a co-worker. When I found out the next day he came to me and said he was very sorry just got carried away in a friendship and that he wanted our marriage. He still works with her which is very hard any suggestons how to cope with this as it is making the healing process harder for me

3:22 PM

jmack (to All):

bipolar episode

3:24 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I guess I want to know what I should do now. Can I do anything or do I just release him to his madness?

3:25 PM

EF (to All):

thank you.

3:26 PM

Bridgette (to All):

Todd, I let him take his time and dont force him to go on as normal. I know its hard for both of us. I just show him better than I can tell him. At this point Todd the why doesnt matter any more. He’s not interested in that, only that I did it.

3:28 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

I am scared of that idea, but I have little to lose

3:29 PM

Bridgette (to All):

Todd you can email me. mybuddyj@yahoo.com

3:29 PM

Safa (to All):

So she cheated on me but can’t / won’t feel my pain and therefore not making the effort to make amends. what if I cheat on the cheater?

3:31 PM

Dia (PRIVATE):

Thank you.

3:31 PM

John (to All):

similar to jmac. married since 2003, she had an affair with her boss in 2009, I found out this past May. I stumbled across proof so she never planned to tell me. I’m having trouble trusting anything she tells me and spend a lot of time playing the”scenes” in my mind. how do we get them to stop?

3:32 PM

EF (to All):

thank you!

3:32 PM

jmack (to All):

thank you sir

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4 Responses to What to do with a Husband who has Emotional Affair with Co-worker

  1. Matthew says:

    1- Almost every one has the experience to cheat or to be cheated but noone accepts it for him/ herself easily.

    2- Unless we are unaware of infidelity, everything is fine. Another words when everything seems fine it does not mean it is really fine!

    3- once it happens, that means we figure it out completely, the best solution is to finishing the relationship without any doubt and ASAP.

    4- Almost no one can forgive and forget it but some think they may because of a temporary reason.

    5- Almost all will terminate the relationship after proven affair. But some later and some sooner. Actually the relationship is expired.

    6- learn to put some criteria for your next relationship to prevent cheating and do not forget that you must follow the criteria also!

    7- The world is full of romantic lovers who claim they Love and then they totally find at least a better option.Do not trust things that you hear rapidly. Cognition process is endless.

    The sooner you finish an expired relationship the sooner you will find your stability. It is very hard but it’s life that you have to accept hardest things as your own death and of course your own bad behaviors against other people.

  2. Bdonna says:

    Found while we were in our family vacation he bought a co worker an expensive shirt. Did some investigating and on her Facebook page she said “something about gifts at work does it for me”. Have never met this single woman and he also has lunches with her and travels for work. He refuses to let me meet his coworkers because it is weird he says. They work for auto industry.

  3. mary B preston says:

    Just caught my partner/ boyfriend of 8 years . He was having an emotional affair with a coworker. It was going on for 2 weeks. Sexting and lying about working late. He is also bipolar 2. Our relationship was strained. Pretty much roommates. And he was off his meds. Not an excuse for what he did. But an explanation. He even went do far as to send me to Las Vegas . So he could get her into our house. One we both worked for. It never happened as I caught him before I left. He got physical with me. Something that never happened before. He was manic. He told me be was in love with her. Before I left. He told me it was just a fantasy. And he really did love me. Not her. I told him to think about what he wanted while I was gone. He did. And agreed to everything I asked. He needs to be on meds all the time. Non negotiable. We are going to couple counseling. He knows I can retrieve any text messages. He knows I am monitoring him. He says it doesn’t bother him. That he knows he lost my trust. And will pay any consequences . I put a tracker on his phone. But I have yet to use it. It’s not me to constantly check up on him. But I like the idea it there if I feel insecure. He ended it with her. There has been no contact. EXCEPT he still works with her. That’s the hard part. Along with me not confronting her. Because of his job. He says she took it ok. But every time he leaves for work. My heart drops. I know I cant stop him if he chooses to start with her again. If he didn’t need his insurance right now. He would quit. How do I get those feelings to stop? Every time he leaves. Things seem to be getting better. But I don’t know if when he tells me how much he loves me. If its true. My heart is on protective mode. I do love him. But I feel disconnected. I find I walk around like a zombie.

  4. Destroyed says:

    Been married for 20 years this summer. We have 4 children ages range from 17-10. He is retired from the military of 20 years. I have stayed home for 15 years to raise the kids. In September he stated the kids don’t need me as much and I should find a job. He wanted to separate because I was on to his affair that he has been having with a former employee who is 29 he is 47. She is not married lives with boyfriend in a house they bought but her name is not on the deed.
    He stated he isn’t ready for couples counseling and now stated his therapist says that there aren’t any good ones.
    He meets her every week for coffee and is the first thing he does every morning is text her and calls her as soon as he leaves for work.
    I have even caught them at a cigar bar together when he stated oh she was coming out this way and did I want to meet for coffee? That was complete bull! It was planned Sunday event for them.
    I have proof physical of this affair but he had been gaslighting me so serve I needed emergency mental help.
    How do I confront him as this has made me sucidal? I know me would never admit that he caused this but I’m extremely depressed and don’t want to live this life any longer because I cannot take the pain. We our put on this earth to be loved as to love but you don’t do this to someone you love! I know he wants me gone so I want to just end this pain.
    Please help me

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