What are the clues of an emotional affair?
There have been plenty of response from people who have gone through the agony of watching their partner go through an emotional affair, and they want to share with everyone some of the things they’ve learned and the signs they say you have to watch out for if you suspect that your partner is involved in one.
Here are some of the clues of an emotional affair:
1. If he starts coming home late more than usual.
2. If you notice a change in your sex life, or you don’t have sex anymore.
3. He always has an excuse to go out of the house, usually at night.
4. You have trouble communicating, or he seems to not be listening to you when you are trying to talk to him.
5. You notice that he tends to avoid certain topics when you talk, and that he is keeping secrets from you.
6. He makes or receives phone calls late at night, and he usually answers them outside or in a different room.
7. You start having fights and arguments with the slightest provocation or over the smallest issues.
8. He starts changing his appearance, or seems to care more about how he looks.
9. There always seems to be some work event that he has to attend.
10. He starts making unusual comments about your marriage or relationship that he never said before.
Emotional affairs are very tricky. They can be devastating to deal with, sometimes more devastating than a sexual affair. Many times, emotional affairs will begin with a friend or co-worker, and your spouse or partner will most likely attempt to justify their relationship with him/her. This can be very difficult to deal with, because without physical intimacy chances are they don’t see anything wrong with what they are doing, or at least they won’t acknowledge the problem. Pay attention to these clues, and more importantly pay attention to your instincts.
So a few years ago my wife and I made friends with a couple from another country. She was a little a amounted with the husbands history. Then back around last September they visited us and I could see the husbands infatuation with my wife. In January he started to call her once in a while and give her some of the attention she was not getting from me ( we have a special needs child that was really draining us. Both). I got a little suspicious in April and stopped it. Well sometime in early may they started texting, by mid may he would call her at work and they would yak for hours, while she was in her office. Then he came here and they snuck around behind my back. They did friend things and spoke for hours. He never tried anything sexual. I know this is because she told him that told him that her and I fight all the time, argue and don’t communicate but we have incredible mind blowing sex…he knew that if he could not satisfy her in this way boom…it’s over. Well to make a long story short, the affair is winding down…here is the deal…what the heck could they talk about over about 50 hours of phone class, 300 texts and about 22 on and off hours hanging out! It’s making me nuts knowing a woman who was a virgin on her wedding night, could do this after 25 years of marriage. The thing is they still talk every other day for an hour or more..she claims its ending over time , but he is bugging her to move to his country. Thing is we have heard he has tried to break up at least three other marriages and has always failed after a month or two. This one is a little longer, because my wife refuses to believe the other stories and thinks that he is being honest when he says at at 52 that he never found the right woman before her!
Dear Dale, do her a ” favor” & yourself!! Pack her suitcases, buy her a plane ticket put them in the car. Make a “date”. Afterward drop her at the airport (luggage & all). Nevermind (don’t buy the ticket!!). Tell her I’m so sorry standing in the way of your happiness, u, he, and his “wife” have a lovely time!! Then DRIVE OFF!!! LET HER FIGURE IT OUT!! What she is doing is PURE MANIPULATION!! Been there w/my husband-packed his stuff in garbage bags-got the phone & told him to call his “girlfriend & her husband” to come pick him up- I’m sure “they” could figure it out! I WAS DONE BEING SCRRWED OVER! Both of them put me through HELL for the next 6 months (he stayed, she stalked us). When she had her husband call to get thru to mine (bcause I hung up on her) I TOLD HIM what was going on & he beat the crap out of her (she boo hooed) to my husband (what sickos), but it bcame the beginning of the end. I REVERSED STALKED HER-Gave her a call and gave her ALL her info (car type, color, address, house description, school bus # etc..) Give this guys wife a call- have some conversations of your own- put a wrench in the engine! STOP giving her the SEX, pull back (u r looking for validation from HER (she doesn’t give a crap how U FEEL). I cannot imagine the complications of having a handicapped child and the emotions & responsibility to make it OK. I say to u- what she is doing IS NOT in the best interest of her child nor your marriage. There is no way to know if this is her 1st rodeo/ or her last. My husband “secretly” went on to have more-dropped the bomb nearly 30 yrs latr when he was so far gone on porn & the lies he couldn’t live w/himself, wanted “help”. 2 yrs later I am picking up the pieces of a “false” existence (my life the way I thought it was)-talk about a mind bender!! Believe me u & your child DESERVE BETTER!! I don’t care how sorry she feels for herself and lifes circumstances. U & your child were a gift to her-she needs to make a CHOICE–Give her “ONE” for now. Stay strong, dillegent, trust your instincts in the future. Do not allow her to control YOUR life– DROP HER OFF- if she comes back home-have a nice 4way long distance conversation. If it doesn’t stop-consult an attorney (its free & start gathering ALL hard records u can get to prepare). Put the ball in your court-not hers.
I sort of followed what you did. When I received a phone call from the female emotional affair partner, I soon told my husband,”Either get out and live over there( a neighboring city) or I would move out and she could live here. You see he was relocated to work in another city 3 days a weem , wanted to save money, loomed for a room to rent instead of his $ appt. Upon finding a room lose to the office but while also feeling weird about it, he asked me to call this ” old decrepit woman” to check her out. Even after he asked 3 times, I was not motivated to do so. Where was a threat from a “Old decrepit woman”? Later, I noticed be talked about her every weekend and told him to stop talking. He moved in at the end of May. I “k we ” there was something wrong with the sailing rental with another couple friend at the end of July but dismissed it. I was very busy starting a new business. I should have unexpectedly shown up at the dock. He had driven the lanord there to go long. That date was 10 hours with dinner at the end paid by the other friends. They had west with e while watching The Voice. After her call to me ( which was after he changed jobs to our city only) that “He was a cheater, mixed with what he calls lies about his behavior”, I got his rendition. He said with ” no warning and complrty out of character” she ambushed him on his last night there, he had responded a bit and felt too guilty to tell me. After much research, be admitted that they had weekly wine while watching The Voice. He lied by o.mission that he had invited her along on the 45 ft sailboat rental ( he was the captain), because ” He felt sorry for her”. She claimed to have fibromialgia and missed sailing. He later admitted that I would have thrown a fit and he wanted to do what he wanted to do. She text ex him every day about “Business” -” Did you turn on the alarm, etc ( she was home).”When are you coming in?” Oh and please send a photo of your business trip of the beach view from your room in Galveston ( ” I have so many fond memories of that place when my deceased husband took me there”) and our Family trip to a beach!
Then there were intrusive emails and phone calls from , her, all unknown to me. One night during The Voice, she TD him how much she missed sex. Be said be was uncomfortable, apologized in the a.m. He said,” Yes it did, but that’s OK, we are just friends”. He also informed her of this when he invited her along on the day sailing trip.
He was sending pics of him sailing while at home as well.
On Monday of the week he was to leave on Thurs for good, I found out he took her to a Christmas dinner ($169 cash) so I would not find out, and gave an artsy photo of our backyard view of the water that had been hanging in his other office, because it was his favorite. After the “ambush night when they both stand too much wine to celebrate that he got back the job he wanted, she rubbed up against him, tried to make out with him twice, offered ” no strings attached sex” several times, wrapped her legs around him twice while standing, wiggled her hips suggestively, flashed her boobs, and grabbed his crotch. After ” He said, No”, and went to his room, she sent the dog in to wake him up. She then started texting that she could not sleep. He then invited her into his room for ” a back rub and a kiss goodnight” . She said , “No.” But on his drive home the next day, they called and texted. She offered her bed the next time he was on a Monthly
business trip and offered to sail nude if he would take her again.
After I told her thank you for enlightening me about the cheating and that he was now cut off from his 6 kids and me she said,” You are a Christian, isn’t that a bit harsh. Think about your dear young daughter and what that would do to her. Can the reader of this, believe this story.
I am married to s Narcissist. He claimed the dinner was a gift card from his boss ( but was a different restaurant).
Since I confronted him, he screamed at me for months using filthy names, cracked my rib (“on accident when he tripped landing on top of me), I had several bruizes, a swollen hand, fractured finger, got stressed induced Bells Palsy. He would not leave me alone even though he made it worse with screaming. I called 911 and asked them to come over to tell him to stop the screaming and daily threats. You can’t trust the police. When they left, one came to me and said,”I hope he sues the pants off you.” Then they instructed me to stay outside until my husband and my daughter left without me to go to all day festival. It all started that morning when he threatened to bash in my car windows unless I got the daughters new phone out of my car before I took a morning shower. Be careful.when you decide to get law enforcement involved. Bring a witness over each time no matter why you call them.
I told his and my best friend all this and some to a neighbor who happens to be his x boss but now retired. The landlord called his work reference twice after all this came out and two of his children, telling them he wss crossing marital boundaries. Since some of her stories were verified as untrue, like her pastor taking his wife sailing on San Francisco Bay and then giving a sermon relating Sailing to Faith, and saying she had consulted with her pastor and then
made the decision to call me. Her pastor said a three events never happened. So, this leaves me very confused and my husband frustrated that I still need to ask questions after a Yr. Too BAD! What do you all think? He is in addiction counselling for sex addiction and addiction to others opinions of him. Had already gone to jail twice for incidences related yo drinking proems. Was addicted to cigarettes in past, lied, and hid that. Lied about watching porn and visiting strip bars a lot here and abroad on business trips with business partners. Also in response to his disappointment about his birthday party, he went to a strip bar
Two weeks later, he made massage appt. with the stripper. He was caught cause I found ATM withdrawals late at night and on same street as the strip clubs. Also found the email confirming massage appt. He did not go cause I insisted that he be home for my dads bypass surgery. We had had 3 yes of living at home part and another 2 this time. He was in this landlords home for 6 1/2 Mo. It was meant for herself and two renters. He aims that most of the time the other room was renteted. She word often kick guys out in the middle of the night and keep their deposits or get in arguments with them.Their were plenty of red flags but Narcissist think as he did that,”he could handle it”. If you get in this situation , get in the face with the landlord, be a bitch to let her be scared of you, and don’t accept any crap Verify everything your husband says and does. I now insist in transparency and he says he is working on himself. We will see. He has been in therapy about 6 Mo. or more.
I caught my husband having affair with his coworker for last ten years. he left his laptop open by mistake and thats how i came to know otherwise he never gave me his password. Now he is apologizing but not resigning.He is saying its difficult to find another good job. we have been in home separated . should i confront that woman and how ? if i post her email address and name , will people send messages to put shame on her and keep her away from my husband ?
my husband did not resign which was the only condition that i asked for compromising. how do i move on? should i stay? does he deserve a second chance?
Please I need some suggestions. Appreciate.
If the emotional affair partner lives far away, many of these don’t apply. Picking random fights, due to guilt and shame, or to distract you was the only red flag I got. Lying by omission was our biggest hurdle.