What Patterns Do I Want to Break Free From?

Couple Having Argument At Home

Infidelity is, in essence, an opportunity for the individual and marriage to move to a new level of evolution, growth or whatever word you choose to use to describe that process.

Dr. Huizenga guides you in considering the identification of whom you want to become.

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7 Responses to What Patterns Do I Want to Break Free From?

  1. diane says:

    I see myself alone, peaceful, able to accept my husbands decisions with dignity. I feel that he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with but if I love him so much then I should wish him happiness and accept his decisions. I love him so much but he is so far out of reach just now. I think he will question his decisions later but am unable to influence him at this time. Truly tragic mid life crisis. I love him so much!!!

    • Todd Caracofe says:

      Your situation seems like mine but it’s my wife of 26 years that walked away……. I personally haven’t been able to let go till recently after I made a few stupid choices where I kept looking for answers to why she left. And there was a lot of things but the biggest is the fact that like Jesus said to the one asking him a question…… because of sin in your hearts! Still love my wife I can only hope & pray she doesn’t hurt her self or get hurt in this process of her life. As with you I wish her the best and safety for her.

  2. shannon says:

    I am liking these videos. I find them very helpful. Thank you!

  3. alexander says:

    Thank you SO very much for the videos!!!

  4. Vera says:

    Dr. Huizenga,

    Thank you for your videos. I can’t tell you how helpful they are. I now feel that I can go through it, get my life back, and one day be happy again.

  5. FedUp says:

    4 years since his affair. We are still together, but if I have learned anything from his affair, it is that I do not NEED to be married. When I look to my ideal future, I have a life of my own. Time is my own. I can do volunteer work, socialize, get a part time job, spend more time with my grown children and grandchildren.

    I want most of all to break free of this marriage.

  6. Mary says:

    Wow… Fedup – this is how feel too. I want to be free… free of my sadness, hurt, pain and my own poor decisions, free to live the years I have left on this Earth not feeling so hurt and betrayed, angry and let down, abandoned by the one man I never thought would do this. I took his loyalty for granted. I thought he’d always remain loyal even when I was less than warm and loving. Was I the best wife, always good to him and caring – no. Did I create a beautiful family with him, help foster his career (and sacrificed mine) and support his creative efforts in many areas ( music, photography, etc) – yes. Did my own creativity come second and did I do most of the childrearing, child thinking and planning as that was sacrificed – yes. Was I small sometimes, jealous, envious, angry and emotional.. yes, But I never deserved him cheating on me. Because if that’s true … that I deserved it – than he definitely deserved me cheating on him and I didn’t…. even tho’ he was critical, withholding of affection and cherishing, didn’t protect me and then cheated on me and further didn’t protect me by not using condoms and engaging in un-safe sex. Gross! I am with you – I want to adopt another child, volunteer in USA and abroad, not have a elder years where I just rest on my laurels but continue to contribute to the world, spend time w/my children and maybe someday grands. I don’t want a small life and that’s what it feels like I’ll have w/him esp. post his affair. That I’ll always be haunted by it because I have so much loss in my past – two fathers from divorce and a young adult brother to AIDS. But here’s the question – these men will always be in our lives even if we divorce them. Don’t we want to be at peace with them, be able to smile at them and hug them knowing we did our best w/them but we just couldn’t come back from their cheating. Not every marriage can nor should weather the storms of infidelity and nor should they all. How do we know when to break free from the marriage and stay and when to break free and go. Since they threw our marriages under the bus don’t we now get a true say in how the new one looks? In other words, if we want to stay – to keep our families intact, maybe for financial reasons, maybe because a part of us loves them or loves them more than we did (when we face our own failings)…. don’t we get to redefine what marriage looks like and is? And if we go – can we truly be happy w/our decision – be at peace w/ourselves and them and not live in sadness, devesatation and regret. My d-day is only 8 months ago so I’m trying, trying not to rush decisions. But going out of the marriage seems like the option w/more opportunity for me and the rest of my life on Earth – such a short journey and it’s flying by faster and faster; I don’t mean w/a new partner/spouse necessarily but a new opportunity to know myself – who I AM as that personal development basically stopped when I met him. I subsumed myself into him. And then our child. And then children. Who was I meant to be before I fell into this life? I’m scared out of my mind w/my unlimited choices – choices I never wanted or gave up on having but that landed in my life w/his affair coming to light. And yes… I want to get to the point where I can truly feel I don’t NEED to be w/him or married to him or anyone else. What is so terrible about looking forward to the peace of mind of a solo woman’s life? Is that a pattern – wanting to run away or is that rational – wanting to purse the freedom he didn’t intend to offer me though his affair – but that he did. I get to possibly leave the marriage and feel zero guilt over it because he set this all in motion. Dr. H… if you want to weigh in – feel free to do so. Peace to all recovering from the horrible pain of being cheated on. Namaste. Mary R.

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