Surviving Infidelity Series: Charging Neutral Can Help Save the Marriage
I was filled with a terrible pain, which would not go away, we are now trying to work through the marriage, I found it hard to look beyond the affair that he had, but with questions that he answered honestly and I made sure they were truthful by asking the same thing in so many different ways and listening. I talked to two very good and close friends which I also found useful, but it wasn’t until I was able to talk to my partner in a controlled environment and letting him see it from my point of view as well as his own. Empathy was the answer but not easy to do. He wanted me to feel the breakup of his pain over the affair. It very much depends on how much you want to save your marriage as to how hard you fight for it and you must always put yourself first because your partner own
Fixing me fixes him. Love is a discipline doing what you don’t want to do when you need to do it. I killed him with kindness. He has noticed changes in me. He is still with the OW but they are constantly having problems and fights. I’m now focusing on MYSELF, to improve myself, because I know now that I can’t change my husband. I do the charging neutral method and it’s a way for me to demand respect from my husband when he’s being obnoxious. I have taken a step bacer me. I am not fighting about her but she sure is fighting about me. The tables have been turned. But I am not being manipulative like the OW. No I am giving unconditional love and consistent over time change.
It was very devastating and I was in a self-destructive mode. My husband us still in an affair but what hurts the most is that the OW is trying her best to separate my husband from me .SHE is the aggressor. My husband just lets her say and do an anything so that he can have the “thrill” of having an affair. He has always denied having one even though I have more than enough proof. Why I’m staying is because I want my family together. It’s also my kids’ wish for us to be together. k and stopped pushing my husband with questions/insecurities,etc. It’s amazing what a change of attitude can do.It’s very difficult but I’m trying my best not to focus on the affair.
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