Surviving Infidelity Series: How to Overcome Infidelity
The four scenarios below tell their story of surviving infidelity:
1. The importance of counseling
2. Infidelity is like a death
3. A plan to trust again
4. Moving out and talking calmly
1. The Importance of Counseling: I immediately called a marriage counselor to act as a mediator for discussion. With just the two of us, there was anger and accusations. The counselor helped us know the most effective way to talk about it.
2. Infidelity is Like a Death: The pain was so intense after 37 years of marriage discover my husband was having an affair with a friend was so totally devastating that I remember crying for months, but the one bit of advice that helped me was something I read that said, “Infidelity is like a death and the advice not to make life chaining decisions for a year unless you have not other options applies to infidelity as well. You can get a divorce anytime so don’t rush to that decision.” That helped me be able to put one foot in front of the other the first few weeks/months and realize that the divorce decision could be made later when I was more sane. It has been almost 2 years and we are still together.
3. A Plan to Trust AgainAt first I was obsessed with the affair. I couldn’t eat and I lost 10 lbs in 2 weeks. I decided that I was not going to let this one thing define my marriage. I prayed for understanding and realized that I too could have owned up to some neglectful things. My husband and I discussed where we wanted to go in this marriage and we discussed a plan for me to try to start trusting him again. Around this time he was leaving to go and work out of town so we had a lot of discussions over the phone and I just began to forgive and let go of the pain.
4. Moving out and Talking Calmly: I moved out giving him time to pack and leave. I went to counseling and suggested he do so also. I only confided in friends and family that loved BOTH of us because I did not want negative advice or feelings expressed by others, just healing, no matter what the outcome might be for the relationship. I continued to talk calmly to him about day to day affairs with the household and our children. I still continued to show respect and consideration for him, even though our relationship was a huge question. I joined a gym, and pursued night classes after work. I focused on healing myself.
More articles on Surviving Infidelity:
How to Cope with Infidelity: The Place of Family and Friends
How to Recover from Infidelity: Trust and Self-Care
Overcoming Infidelity: Give Another chance?
Surviving Marital Infidelity: Knowledge is Power