Affair Newsletter – Infidelity Healing Process: Expect a Shift or Turning Point

There will be a turning point or shift in the infidelity healing process

Jackye decides to take a “time-out.” She stands back and refuses to react to the infidelity in her life. She has that unique capacity to put the reactivity on hold.

What emerges for Jackye is a two year plan to see her way through and heal from the infidelity in her marriage. Along the way in developing that two year plan she experiences a turning point or shift that moves her to where she truly wants to go.

A Turning Point Changes Your World

You will be pleased the first part of next week.

My goal is to have the 19 sessions and workbooks ready for you the first part of next week!

You want to move through your infidelity faster, more efficiently and with more confidence?

Do you want a way to shift your focus away from him/her/them and all the garbage to something that gives you hope and direction?

These tapes will help you do all the above. You will learn. You will feel empowered. You will blast past the old stuff and move into your new future.

But, first, here’s another review from my session with Jackye.

Again, I and many others would appreciate your input on the tapes.

Here’s my review of Jackye’s session:

1. It is often helpful to allow or give yourself a “holding period” or “time-out.” You often need time to adjust, to think, to stand back and evaluate your circumstances.

You need not rush to make decisions.

Friends and family often push you to decide. They, however, have a vested interest and offer their advice with a desire for you to feel as little pain and agony as possible.

As well, a knee-jerk decision may prove to be disastrous. And, once it’s made, there is often no turning back.

Jackye was wisely able to do just that. She shifted her focus away from him and what he was or was not doing, away from the memories and the pain of those memories.

She entertained the questions: What is best for me? What do I want my future to look like? What do I want for my children? What would be the best possible way for my family and myself to move gracefully and productively through this trauma?

She eventually settled upon a 2-year plan, well thought out, whereby at the end of two years she would be able financially and emotionally to remove herself from the marriage if need be.

Her 2-year plan generated hope and a new feeling of empowerment.

2. Now, how was she able to do that? That process is often easier said than done. Intentions may be great, but follow through leaves something to be desired.

My experience tells me there usually is a turning point.

There comes a time when an internal shift or decision is made and the flow of thinking and the actions change dramatically.

Agony may exist to that point. But, the agony is knowingly or unknowing addressed and examined. It may be a painful period, but a necessary and productive time for thinking and feeling to align differently.

When Jackye reached that turning point she began to realize there was nothing basically wrong with her. She began to identify and appreciate her strengths and was formulating ways to use them.

She let go of her anger and hurt. They dissipated. They lost their power.

Jackye moved from seeing herself as a victim and subject to the influence of his behaviors to a person who no longer needed to react to him but could, through her own power, begin to design her future – with or without him. (It is best to think first of a future without him.)

3. Jackye still remained susceptible to various triggers that had the propensity to ignite negative feelings and thoughts. Of course, this is a challenge for all of us.

When the triggers began to set off the negative feelings and thoughts, Jackye was able to consciously and intentionally initiate interventions that changed the flow from negative to positive.

She experimented with self talk and found the exact phrase that would modify her thinking and therefore feeling. She also found that listening to particular music had a quick and effective way of altering her internal life.

Jackye was able to change the flow and direction of her life. How wonderful!

4. A strong firm foundation for one’s life is crucial, especially when coping with a crisis such as infidelity. A basis for decisions, a basis for thinking well of one’s self, a basis for solving problems and a basis for other relationships are important.

From the tape you will hear Jackye developing her foundation.

Her friends were not very understanding of her circumstances. Like most uninformed but well intentioned friends, they were easy to give advice. Most of the time, Jackye was moving in a different direction.

She was able to craft a position and convey that position to her friends in a way that Jackye could feel good about.

Jackye was able to set firm sexual boundaries with her husband. She let him know what kind of relationship with him she would accept and desire. Again, she planted her feet and said, “Here I stand. Like it or not!”

And lastly, Jackye though this change process was able to see herself as a creator rather than a victim. She called upon her strengths, identified those strengths and took action that would create for her the best possible life under her circumstances.

So, right now, go to this page to hear the session with Jackye.

While there, also please consider adding your comments on these tapes:

Crazy Behavior Addresses Craziness – audio with John

I Want to Be Wanted: Infidelity and Breast Cancer – audio with Martha

How Sue Catapulted Through Her 3-Week Crying Jag and Meltdown -audio with Sue

How a Rape at 17 is Played Out in a Marital Affair – audio with Mike

Emotionally Battered and Bruised by a Rage Affair – audio with Lynnette

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