Questions to ask when there has been infidelity

“Questions to Ask Yourself When There’s Been Infidelity”

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Whether your relationship is fairly new or you’ve been together and possibly married for many years, if an extra-marital affair is discovered, it is devastating to your relationship.

After the shock of discovery, one of the first considerations that both people have to make is whether they want to rebuild trust and the damaged relationship or to leave.

In our relationship coaching practice and workshops, we’ve guided hundreds of people through a conscious decision-making process of whether to stay and work to make their relationship better or whether to leave their relationship with grace–even when there’s been infidelity.

In this article, we’re offering five powerful, thought-provoking questions that you need to deeply consider if you are in this situation before you make any decision as to your next step.

If you are in this situation, reflect on these questions and write out your responses without censoring or judging them.

If your partner is willing and you feel like you can ask, invite him/her to answer these questions as well, and then compare your answers.

Whether you are the one who had the affair or your partner cheated on you, the answer to these questions could help you to decide your next steps.

1)  Are you considering leaving this relationship?
2)  If you were the one who had the affair, are you prepared to end it or are you wanting to continue this relationship?
3)  If you were the one who was cheated on, what is your level of commitment to forgiving your partner and learning to trust again?
4)  In your opinion, what would it take to repair this relationship?
5)  What is your level of commitment and level of desire to rebuild your relationship and trust with your partner?

Your answers and the emotions that you feel around your answers will tell you a lot about what’s going on within you right now and will help guide you into your next step. For more help in making your decision, visit


Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” and “No More Jealousy” are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more loving relationship, click below for your free 5-part mini-course:

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