Affair Article – Healing the Coping with Jealousy after the Discovery of the Affair and Infidelity

Healing the Coping with Jealousy after the Discovery of the Affair and Infidelity

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

After an affair has been discovered, it’s pretty natural for jealousy to be a big problem if both people want to stay in the relationship and try to rebuilt it. If jealousy wasn’t a problem before the affair was discovered, it usually becomes one after it becomes public.

Putting aside the “wrongness” of the affair itself, jealousy can be damaging and can stop the process of the two people coming back together.So if the two people are committed to “trying again” in their relationship and there is jealousy, what do you do?

First of all, we invite you to take an honest look at the effects that jealousy has had in your life. These may seem obvious (and perhaps uncomfortable), but it is an effective method of letting go of jealousy and the hold it may have on your life.

After an affair, you may feel justified in being jealous but we urge you to stand back and look at what jealousy is costing you. When jealousy arises, try starting to tune in to how it feels in your body. When jealousy rears its head, there is pain that you can become more aware of.

Regardless of whether you speak about or act on jealous feelings, separation and disconnection are still the result. Until you deal with and heal what lies under the jealousy, those emotional walls will continue.

In addition to becoming aware of the disconnection and pain that results from jealousy, ask yourself what are other consequences of jealous behaviors and thoughts. Make note of what comes up when you open your awareness in this way. What do you do when you are jealous?

Remember to breathe as you work on this list. Remind yourself that this is the first step in a healing process that can lead to a life free from the pain you’ve been experiencing because of jealousy. As you look at your jealous behavior, you can make a choice to consciously choose more empowering ways to be in your relationship. You can make a choice to live from what is actually happening right now instead of what happened in the past.


Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” and “No More Jealousy” are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Learn how you can deal with jealousy by visiting

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