The Worst Advice on Overcoming Jealousy After an Affair and What to do Instead
By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
Recently we came across the worst advice we’ve ever heard on how to overcome jealousy, especially after an affair.
In an on-line article, we read this worst advice and, interestingly, in two different articles from different sources we found similar advice. We were shocked!
What disturbs us about these articles is the suggestion that jealousy is actually GOOD for a relationship.
One article’s author even went so far as to recommend that men and women should purposefully make their partner jealous on a regular basis.
We don’t know what the author’s intention was in making the suggestion that jealousy is beneficial to a relationship. If he or she meant to help couples spice up their relationship and love life, we know this is not a healthy way to do it, especially after there’s been infidelity.
Love, connection, building trust, great communication, honesty, passion, appreciation and integrity ARE ways to foster and nourish a great relationship or to re-energize one when there’s been an affair.
There was no mention of jealousy after an affair on our list of ingredients for a great connected, passionate relationship. Here’s why:
Jealousy is all about fears – imagined or real. We believe that if you intentionally make your partner jealous to try to trick him or her to be more intimate with you, it will only backfire. The result is bound to be more disconnection, mistrust, and separation.
Try out these jealousy-free suggestions for building trust, love, and connection, even after an affair:
1. Make the decision to open up to more love and connection in your relationship. Recognize if you engage in destructive habits that you tear down trust. Choose to let those go and make some changes.
Explore what you want for your relationship. What are you no longer willing to accept? Once you’ve made this decision, ask for it.
2. Allow and show your sincere appreciation. One way to express appreciation for your partner is to recognize when he or she is doing something “right.” This may start out small, but allow your appreciation for even the little things to show.
3. Get to know how you and your partner wants to be loved. This requires you to listen without an agenda and without becoming defensive. Keep your heart open and be willing to learn things about your partner that you may not have known before.
Do not take jealously lightly.
If ignored or denied, jealousy can (and often does) cause deep, irrevocable damage to a relationship that is already struggle. Look to how you can come together instead of disconnect from each other.
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins, authors of “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” and “No More Jealousy” are experts at helping people get more of the love they really want. Visit http://www.NoMoreJealousy.com to learn how you can deal with jealousy after an affair.