Emotional Infidelity and Recovery Newsletter
Following is an archived newsletter written by Dr. Huizenga from May 18, 2008. In this newsletter you will learn about emotional affairs and 8 predictable paths to recovering from infidelity.
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Featured Article written by Dr. Robert Huizenga:
Where Do You Bump Into Emotional Affairs and What are the Signs? Find out where emotional affair commonly begin and with whom.
Thank you for filling out the survey on Emotional Affairs.
I’ve been busy collating and learning and will share some of that with you.
It’s taken a chunk of my time going over the literally hundreds of responses I received. But, that is great! Thanks again!
Where do Emotional Affairs typically begin?
Surprise, surprise. The work place comes out as number one, by a large margin.
There was a fairly large group who connected with that old flame. And, that can be powerful – a lot of unfinished adolescent business.
Check out some of the most common responses when asked with whom their partner engaged in emotional infidelity:
-a co-worker, boss or employee
-an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend from high school or college
-on FaceBook or other social networking website
-a mutual friend (or the spouse of a mutual friend)
-the wounded spouse’s best friend
-a client of the cheating spouse
-the parent of a son/daughter’s friend
-a son/daughter’s teacher
-a pastor or someone from one’s religious organization
-a mutual member of a club, group or organization
Article by Dr. Robert Huizenga:
8 Predictable Paths to Recovery
I’m identifying the progress you make once you discover infidelity and experience it’s pain and as you move through the various stages or levels of healing and change.
I’ve seen it hundreds of times. One discovers the extramarital affair and is slammed with the depression, sense of victimization and feels terribly immobilized.
But, this is only temporary. Movement and healing takes place.
I’ve been struck with healing or movement as I read the reports of those who read my e-book, “Break Free From the Affair.”
Something is set loose and the doom and gloom of the initial discovery is replaced with more positive and hopeful feelings and ways of thinking.
Take a look at this graphic. I’m attempting to plot the movement, so we can provide more tools to create these changes much more rapidly and with more power.
What do you think? Where do you fit? Where did you fit?
Happy, Eager, Joy? Oh, yes! Not a pipe dream!
Resources from Dr. Huizenga
Stop the agony of the affair! Find your strength and courage! Learn how to shake his/her world. Pinpoint the most powerful strategies to stop the affair. Learn exactly what to say and when to say it (according to one of the 7 different types of affairs). Get the highly acclaimed e-book, “Break Free From the Affair.”
Both of you are committed (well, mostly) to rebuilding the relationship. Learn how to rebuild trust slowly but surely. Learn how to avoid the “swirl” and eliminate judgments and put downs. Move beyond need-meeting. Go beyond confrontation. Go beyond making amends. Create a relationship appropriate for new intimacy. Get Dr. Huizenga’s e-book: Marriage Makeover.
Learn how to feel human again. Discover that your pain in NORMAL. Listen to others – perhaps in a situation identical to yours – poignantly express their confusion and pain and then in a few minutes begin to feel their strength and power to face their future, with or without him/her. These 19 Live Coaching Sessions with Dr. Huizenga will be your listening companion. You can take his words with you.
Be determined to learn as much as you can, to find your strength and courage to use new skills and and develop an outlook that will stop the affair and reshape my life and relationship to what I really want. Download all of Dr. Huizenga’s e-books, “Discovery to Recovery,” Can your Marriage be Saved?” “What will Happen Next?” “Should I Spy?” “Barriers to a Marriage Makeover,” as well as his full articles, Newsletter archive and more. Join the Infidelity Insider now!
Must you talk through your problems? Some think them through. Talking through often leads to new strategies never previously considered. It increases your confidence and self esteem. Talking affirms that you really are OK, helps you move through the affair more quickly and begins the process of designing the life and relationships you truly desire. Contact Dr. Huizenga or Jeryl Swantack to set up coaching sessions that will rebuild YOU and keep you on the right track.
Support and Guidance
Should you Stay or Should you Go?
Are you wondering what you should do? Stay? Go? Ask him/her to Go? There is often a “knee-jerk” response when confronted with the extramarital affair. Feelings of hurt, anger, rage, sadness, disbelief predominate.
“Should You Stay or Should You Go?” is an “action book” filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move on.
In this book we take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship. By going through this process, the decision about what’s best for you actually reveals itself to you. Click on the link above for more information.
Please visit these sites for more highly recommended resources: