Affair Newsletter – Infidelity Affirmation: You are Good

You May Not Realize How Good You Really Are!

By Dr. Huizenga – The Infidelity Coach

You blew me away last week! Yes, you did.

I was contacted by a writer from Essence magazine who was writing a story on women who spy or snoop on their partner/spouse.

I answered a few of her questions and then she asked if I knew anyone who actually snooped, to interview this person.

Well, I thought I would throw it out to you. I sent a mailing to my Newsletter list. Remember? I merely asked if anyone would be willing to be interviewed and to contact the writer if interested.

Wow, your response was incredible. A huge number of you wrote me stating you would be glad to help. Others wrote saying you would like to help, but didn’t “qualify.” The writer wrote back saying she had to stop the emails. She was overwhelmed.

I responded to some of you, but your emails kept pouring in and I, unfortunately, couldn’t get to all of them.

What makes you so generous???

I’ve given that some thought this week. Here are ideas:

1. When you are in your pain, you become aware of the pain in the world around you. You “tie into” the pain of others. You become sensitized to pain. And, you don’t want others to feel what you are feeling.

2. You are wonderful because you care, because you can truly empathize with the pain of others. This sets you in contrast to your cheating partner who at this particular point of his/her life is self absorbed. He/she lacks the capacity to empathize and embrace anything else other than his/her obsession with the OP. (This doesn’t make you “better” than your partner/spouse). For you too, at particular times in your life are self-absorbed.

3. Usually, only one person in a relationship of significance can be self absorbed. There is a balance. When one is self absorbed the other often assumes the role of being “other absorbed.” One assumes the role of responsibility. The other acts irresponsibly. This may shift slightly back and forth over a period of years/decades, although the roles tend to remain generally constant for each person.

4. When you are in pain, accept and embrace that pain (rather than running from it), you have a strong desire to help. You heal yourself by healing others. Giving is a tonic.

5. You are in a new world. Your world is different now than before DD (day of discovery.) You see the world differently. You are more open to new ideas, thoughts and people. You are more curious and want to learn and embrace more of the world.

I wonder if these thoughts fit?

A possible new chapter is opening in your life and relationships. You are shedding the old and a fresh new skin of life awaits you. Unfortunately, it often takes a crisis to propel us into that next chapter. But, so be it. At least you are moving in that direction, at times hesitantly and often with fuzzy clarity.

Be proud of you!!!

If you need to talk more extensively and want to accelerate your pace through this crisis, sign up for one of the coaching packages.

Telecoaching: Coaching takes place over the telephone. Some call it telecoaching. We schedule a half hour phone consultation per week over the phone. (Sometimes more, depending on your needs.)

It’s simple. It’s convenient. It’s easy. It’s confidential.

Working with a coach may help you move through the affair more quickly, avoid the mistakes others make on their own, boost your self-esteem, make you feel better and help you get the life and love relationship you truly want.

Click here to check out the coaching packages.

Should you Stay or Should you Go?

Are you wondering what you should do? Stay? Go? Ask him/her to Go? There is often a “knee-jerk” response when confronted with the extramarital affair. Feelings of hurt, anger, rage, sadness, disbelief predominate.

“Should You Stay or Should You Go?” is an “action book” filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help you consciously determine whether to stay in your present relationship or to move on.

In this book we take you through a powerful process of discovery about yourself, your partner and your relationship. By going through this process, the decision about what’s best for you actually reveals itself to you. Click on the link above for more information.

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