internet cheating – Break Free from the Affair

Day After Valentine’s Day: What Really Happens in Unhappy Relationships?

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Thu, 09 Aug 2012 14:00:40 +0000

Here’s the truth of what really happens in unhappy relationships on the day after Valentine’s Day.

An article in USA today reported that online websites that offer free memberships are to people who are married and are in unhappy relationships, and who want to look for other married people to meet and “hook up” with say that their biggest day of the year is usually the day after Valentine’s Day. Why is this so?

One of people who runs a website just like this said that this seems to be a trend because a lot of people feel let down by their husband or wife when they don’t do anything special for Valentine’s Day, and the pressure for romance, especially on this particular day, doesn’t make things easier either. A lot of times, we spend a lot of money to try to create or force romance in our unhappy relationships and it doesn’t always work. Your partner could be surfing these infidelity websites the day after you try to do something romantic and just not know it.

Here are two factors that could be the reason behind one’s disappointment:

One is because romance is overrated and creates a kind of selfish shallowness. Novels, songs and movies usually depict romance as this thing where two people automatically know what the other wants or needs to experience, where each of them always feels special and forgets that they are merely humans, and are with merely humans, going through the same things.

This portrayal of romance and love makes it things in unhappy relationships that much harder to fix because they question their relationship when it does not show that same demonstration of love.

Another reason why we are in unhappy relationships is because we tend to focus on our personal needs instead of the needs of the relationship itself. The need to be loved, to be noticed, to be adored, the need for attention, for a adventure, for pleasure, for affirmation – these things run deep within us and are never truly set aside.

These personal needs become our basis on our partners’ actions and we tend to become frustrated and resentful and have unhappy relationships, whether consciously or not, when they are not met.

Drawing the Line on Internet Cheating?

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 14:29:01 +0000

Where does one draw the line or cross the line of internet cheating or infidelity. Explore what readers have to say:

Why is there so much porn out there! I consider myself to be a very liberal person, but my goodness! My husband has been living a double life our whole marriage.
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Initially, the fantasy and the pleasure of it feels good. It’s cheap, free, readily available 24/7, and you don’t need to dress up. The fantasy is more enjoyable than reality, and one thing may lead to another.
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I suppose I have a hard time imagining a predator type relationship between a person “looking” for a date online. I know this is the situation w/ my husband. He has continued to search for MY old girl friends, acquaintances and has indeed begun dating several of them. Because they may not live in the same town, many are unaware of his actions. I have a hard time understanding a sexual predator and their usage of the internet.
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The emotional scares of knowing your spouse was more intimate and shared financial information with the so called “friend”…My husband kept telling me she is only a “friend” and nothing is going on…lies! All lies….I was so trusting his freedom he had from me…
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How do you tell the difference between honest, innocent communication or “facebooking” and precursory or actual infidelity?
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I found you because I am a victim of internet cheating, so most of your material hasn’t been that helpful. I’m very excited you are going to research this area. My thoughts are: how frequently it could be happening again, and without my knowledge. For me, I believe my bf has run off the rails during our relationship because for 3 years prior, internet chat rooms and dating sites was the only way he interacted with women. He became addicted to this behavior and whenever we were having off times, he reverted back to old ways. How can I trust now that he won’t again. He promises faithfully he learned his lesson (we broke up for a month) and will never do it again. If its been addictive behavior, I’m not sure that it’s going to be that easy.

Discovering Internet Infidelity

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 14:16:02 +0000

More responses from the survey. Leave your comments below, please.

My wife has had an ongoing affair that fits the profile of “immature relationship – unfinished business” with a guy she met at a party who “friend-ed” her on Facebook. This forum allows her to communicate with him in a manner that allows her to keep her married life separate from her fling. I think she does this because, when faced with my finding the data (she seems to think that computers are magic, and I’m an electrical engineer) and evidence of her interactions, feels guilty.
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When I think of internet cheating, I often think of my ex-husband. He proceeded in this for several years. Each time he got caught, he said “never again”. But the minute I let my guard down, he was at it again. It was very easy to catch him, as he sometimes left his email open to that exact email for the world to see. It was almost like he was wanting to get caught.
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How can he say he is happy with me but actively pursue someone online? How can he expect me to trust him after he has cheated online ? Why does he not understand that porn is cheating too?
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Why if you have your wife/husband in the flesh do you live with sexual immorality in a fantasy world then to commit it in reality – only later to be shocked by the consequences of the hurt that adultery and the effects of this addiction causes. Internet cheating IS a form of adultery, shameful and wrong and the fact that is hidden shows it’s an addiction and we know that deception is the driving force of addiction so there are very real issues involved with very real consequences. Thank you for this survey. God bless.
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Is there a way I can find evidence of his cheating? I see many occasions when he has clicked onto the chat site (web history), but do not have any evidence of his filling in his details and communicating with the women. He is a compulsive liar, but I do not like to accuse in case – just this once – he is actually telling the truth.

Stories, Questions and Concerns Regarding Internet Infidelity

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 13:58:47 +0000

Here are more questions and concerns from readers about internet cheating and infidelity. I’d appreciate your comments and opinions regarding the following scenarios (or your own scenario involving internet cheating). How would you answer these questions? Have you experienced internet infidelity? If so, how did you handle it? How do you feel about the internet, social networking and trust?

Facebook affair w/ old high school fling is exactly what my wife did. She was hooked before she knew what hit her. Her emotional affair eventually led to a physical affair even when I was aware of the emotional affair and attempting to save the marriage. We have been together 20 years, have 4 kids and both work full time. It has ruined our family. We are trying to reconcile but it’s been a month and I know she has stronger feelings for him than me (although I know it’s not real love). My question is: is there anything I can do to help her get over her feelings for the OP?
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I had an affair that started with an email from a first love in high school. 40 years later I met up with him and it was a pure hell experience. Wish I had seen that website that warns these kind of hookups are very unwise if married. We both were.
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My wife seems to have a compulsion for talking to guys while playing games. It always starts friendly then she ends up “falling in love.”
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What is an appropriate way to keep up with old friends from high school and college without creating a risky situation? How can my spouse and I communicate about internet usage to create a climate of trust? How can we be accountable to each other in using the internet?
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It’s desperate, mean, hateful, and cruel. Not only is the cheating spouse trying to hook up with someone sexually or other, but they are lying about everything and deceiving more people. Such insecure and childish behavior angers me.
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Why do we turn a “blind eye” to the obvious? I saw the Skype icon on my wife’s computer and didn’t even bother to check out what Skype was.

Please leave your comments and feedback below…

The Power of Internet Cheating

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 13:54:01 +0000

Internet “cheating” is rampant. The tools are many and varied. The results are sometimes sad. I asked my readers to comment on their experience with internet cheating. Here are just a few of the responses:

My marriage fell victim to internet cheating. I think internet cheating is an easy way. You can say, be and do anything you want, your hiding yourself from the outside world, perhaps people who do it use it as a safety net. They can find someone that they click with and lay the groundwork for another relationship just in case the one they are supposed to be committed to doesn’t work out.
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My wife started her affair via text messaging with a co worker. Then it moved to Facebook and email. Now it is a full physical affair and we are getting divorced. I monitored the affair through his and her texts and computer logger to know the truth. Took about 8 months to collapse our marriage.
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How will I ever get over my husband’s internet cheating and how can I ever trust him again when he tells me it is over?
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My husband used Classmates.com to look up high school friends, then called them to locate his old HS sweetheart. Hundreds of texts, hours of conversations in less than a month lead to them meeting in person – all of which was denied. Took him almost 2 yrs before admitting what he did was wrong (his 1st affair was 10 yrs before & found he’d been in email contact with her all those years too). He thinks because sex wasn’t involved (it was only kissing and touching) that it wasn’t the same. How can he lie to himself like that? He knew it was wrong or else I’d been part of the process (I’d suggested he contact her for years since there was a possibility they had a daughter together & supposedly he found out she wasn’t his child). This lead to all other problems (he left our joint business with less than 24 hrs notice & took a job with one of our major clients – he worked there 2 yrs & was just laid off from there 6 months ago). So now after 4+ years, of evasion, avoidance, and blaming me (I was depressed for a while before his affair cause he’d withdrawn so much & I was at my wits end), I’m just not sure why I’m bothering to accept his behavior. If I followed his lead, we would never talk about anything important and I should just accept everything at face value and just move on as if nothing is wrong. I guess I just don’t understand his behavior.
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My partner thinks it “doesn’t mean anything” …..to me it is as bad as physically cheating because it is in his mind. He is addicted to it – at one point he had 107 different women he was communicating with – telling each the same story – I tried to “handle” it but in the end it was best for my mental health to walk away. The stuff on the internet has allowed many who would have never strayed before to test the waters and ruin many good relationships. I just think there aren’t that many “strong willed” people anymore who can be satisfied with one monogamous relationship. Sad to say. But I am happier now as I don’t have to always be “wondering”.