postpass2 emotionally survive holiday season – Break Free from the Affair https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs. Mon, 18 Aug 2014 15:44:53 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.8 Holiday Tip #9: Encouraging Your Children https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/15/holiday-tip-8/ https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/15/holiday-tip-8/#respond Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:00:36 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=280 Continue reading →]]>

If you take your role as a parent seriously you are concerned about the welfare of your children during a martial crisis. Children know, don’t they? They feel it. The conflict soaks into their body and they carry it with them.

And, we as thoughtful parents, have a difficult time when our children suffer. We suffer because we believe they suffer. We often remember our suffering as a child, at some level, and do not want our children to experience the pain.

And so, we frequently want to protect and shield them. And, during the Holiday Season we want our children to have a joyful time and remember it with warmth, even if mom and dad are not having such a wonderful time.

To alleviate this pressure, focus on the coping skills your children are developing. We CAN”T escape conflict and pain. It is ever before us. It begins at birth and continues until we die. The contrast of life – the good, the bad – the joy, the sorrow – the successes, the failures – is ever before us.

We learn, we grow, we evolve (hopefully) as a result of those contrasts. That’s what your children are doing. Building a feathered nest for them will only cripple them later in life.

Reflect on how each child copes. Take some time to list 5-10 strengths for each child. Spend some time during the Holiday Season encouraging those strengths and skills.

]]> https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/15/holiday-tip-8/feed/ 0 Holiday Tip #4: Breathe and Notice https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/06/holiday-tip-4-breathe-and-notice/ https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/06/holiday-tip-4-breathe-and-notice/#respond Mon, 06 Dec 2010 12:00:18 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=269 Continue reading →]]>

Tip #4 on emotionally surviving this Holiday Season is breathe and notice.

Notice now your breathing. Is it shallow? Do you take short breaths? Do you sigh frequently? Are your breaths deep, from the diaphragm?

This is a simple but powerful exercise to lower your number on the tension scale. You might want to know that research finds this to be a key in stress reduction.

Just notice. That’s right. Just notice what you think and feel. (A primary purpose of the 1-10 scale is to get you just to notice.) Much of psychology focuses on our capacity to stand back and notice what we feel and think. It’s called an observing ego. It’s healthy.

When you do not notice, you tend to be “in” the pain. You are the pain. You are the fear. It becomes very difficult, if not impossible, to alleviate the pain and fear.

If you want to take this to another level, be aware of your inner dialogue – one part “talking” to another. The usual scenario: one part of you is angry with another part of you for what that part thinks is foolish, weak or helpless. Round and round you go. It takes much energy to fight your self. Use that energy to address the issues before you.

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