postpass2 Comments on: How to Start the Healing with Charging Neutral https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/ How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs. Fri, 25 Sep 2020 16:35:24 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.8 By: Bob Huizenga https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-212986 Sun, 20 Sep 2020 14:32:19 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-212986 Of course not, Elizabeth. Charging Neutral is just the beginning. It’s a way to act rather than reacting; which works much better in getting what you really want.

]]> By: Bob Huizenga https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-212985 Sun, 20 Sep 2020 14:31:54 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-212985 In reply to Elizabeth.

Of course not, Elizabeth. Charging Neutral is just the beginning. It’s a way to act rather than reacting; which works much better in getting what you really want.

]]> By: Mik https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-129684 Mon, 03 Dec 2018 17:50:00 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-129684 In reply to Julie LaBell.

I am in the exact same position. I husband who has/had a “friend” at work won’t open up at all says he cares about me but not in love and acts like everything is fine after 28 years. Frustrating

]]> By: Todd https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-127377 Mon, 17 Sep 2018 21:21:14 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-127377 It’s been almost a year I tried To work threw it with her. For 3 mos. She kept changing her story or lying I finally list my cool and started yelling. She then left 8mos ago and won’t. Speak to me or return any my attempts to reach out. I would try charge neutral this time but don’t know how to reach out to her without chasing or C coming off as being or needy any ideals.

]]> By: Julie LaBell https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-118341 Mon, 23 Oct 2017 21:15:51 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-118341 In reply to Survivor.

I am in the same boat as you. How can your charge neutral when yuou have a s house who doesn’t ever say anything. He has been in a long terfm affair. I refuse to leave my hokme for his decisions. He refused to leave our home and pretends that all is well. He doesn’t see her much but will not cut of t hat contact. I haved a roommate nothing more nothing less. I give up I no longer want to try. I just want out so I can move on with my life. It is what it is aznd I ca not change him or his actions and he doesnt want t o change but he don’t want out erither. I am the one feeling stuck. What abpit my feelings and what it does yo me on a daily basis. 32 Years and i think i mau havs bwedn married yo a liar and a chest my entire life only I didn’t know it. We havrv2 grown boys….pne of wehom is going thru a divorce because his eifed cheated on him. I can relate t o eveyfeeling my son has because his fatyher is doing the same to me. Hard to live with.

]]> By: Schnueffel https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-117703 Tue, 26 Sep 2017 00:15:02 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-117703 Charging neutral is a great tactic to get the cheater talk , think etc.and has a look within himself . However I just want to stipulate most of us are traumatised not only a little bit hurt or else. Infidelity affects all aspects of your being. Turning neutral might work in a relative short term relationship or in a relationship where the emotional and financial investment was pretty equal. But in most of the cases on a power base meaning financially and emotionally there is no equality. That’s why a lot of cheaters behave so cruel.Firstly they cannot feel the pain and secondly they feel that they are in a stronger position. They think they know that you just can’t run. Then they try to gain the moral high ground by inventing all the needs crap.
When one is really and truely unhappy in a relationship they just can leave. Our law will not force any of them to stay. So if my hubby was so unhappy with his life I did not pick up on it .We all are not consciously aware of our needs and wants at all times and also not all needs and wants can be met by the outside. We all have dark sides which we maybe even didn’t know we had them unless they are challenged.
It is a tactic to gain more power over us and therefore be more able to control the show.
The terrible thing is turning neutral is a great thing and for all people who have that stage of control that is the only tactic which is a positive approach to a dire situation however in the first crucial stages of the discovering of the affair for most of us not doable.
Firstly you would have to display no hurt and a neutral behaviour which I couldn’t do for a very long time. Not everybody is passive aggressive because it would mean to show neutrality where in truth there is only pain.

]]> By: Carol https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-115810 Tue, 11 Jul 2017 02:57:03 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-115810 I think there is a time and place for “charging neutral”, or maintaining a “wall of pleasantness” as one of my recovery groups put it. However, after 40+ years of marriage and 7 years post D day, my experience is that healing only occurs when both parties are authentic- and sometimes that meant my screaming and crying and sometimes it meant we were both having a great “neutral” discussion. We both needed to get real. He needed to see my agony; I needed to see his shame. We’re finally doing really well. But as far as the “charging neutral”- I would consider it a tool, not the whole toolbox. If I always charged neutral, he would never have seen my pain, and I doubt we could have come this far.

]]> By: Survivor https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-115803 Mon, 10 Jul 2017 18:52:23 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-115803 In reply to Bob.

I’m saddened by all the folks who are suffering from adultery! What ever reason for doing such a horrible thing to their spouse there IS NO EXCUSE! Not a reader on the world can repair the pain! I really want to understand why it’s not being against the law and jail is the punishment . If you have to have a marriage license why isn’t being taken more as a crime than a stupid, selfish excuse! I personally am fed up with! My life has been blown out of the water and for what? I like what this man said of 29 years. My. Husband did this after 30 years and I believe she’s the only one he got caught with. How stupid am I.

]]> By: Eliza https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-115683 Wed, 05 Jul 2017 13:02:14 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-115683 2 months from discovery date, not sure what to do at this point. I found out after the facebook affair plus afternoon tryst was over. I found the string of break up messages.

]]> By: Dr. Bob Huizenga https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/03/08/how-to-start-the-healing-with-charging-neutral/#comment-115097 Tue, 13 Jun 2017 14:08:33 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=90#comment-115097 In reply to Lynn.

Attend my Q & A this Thursday, the 16th of June, 3:00 PM EST and I will respond to your question. Bob

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