postpass2 Comments on: How Long Will the Pain Last? https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/ How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs. Fri, 19 Apr 2019 17:38:46 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.8 By: Dan https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-134730 Fri, 19 Apr 2019 17:38:46 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-134730 In reply to L V.

I’m in the exact same boat as you LV, been 11 months since the your a good man blah blah blah. It lasted for 4 months. I’m supposed to believe in that time they never went all the way! Like you I wanted to know all details and specifics, but only tell you what they want to. How quickly they forget about it and expect us to move on. Not to reassuring to read some of these comments that 30 to 50 years later the pain is still there.

]]> By: Mik https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-134493 Thu, 11 Apr 2019 19:20:39 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-134493 In reply to yolanda.

Yolanda, I have a very similar situation … My husband 28 years has not idea the hurt he is causing me or my 17 year old daughter its all about him. I was blind sided. He had a secret life I didn’t know about. He has been “friends” with a 41 year old woman from work who is know for being a home breaker. He didn’t even like her a year ago but since his father died, he has been off very selfish and with no remorse.

]]> By: Cindy Dixon https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-131226 Mon, 21 Jan 2019 17:41:06 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-131226 I’ve never really gotten over my husband’s cheating and sadly he died last March, with me on one side and his mistress on the other side of him. He left me hanging by a thread, so-to-speak. I’m still hanging there today. Starting over,at 55 has been hard, but, I’m going to do it. I have to bcuz I’ve been given a chance to start over. Even tho I miss him, I’ve gotta try for me.

]]> By: D https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-130770 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 15:25:18 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-130770 In reply to penne.

Your correct …you make the best of your situation.the pain of what happens never goes away…….its always hurling around every corner !…. and some times daily

]]> By: Mark https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-130538 Mon, 31 Dec 2018 03:50:46 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-130538 In reply to Sue.

Thank you for putting to words what I’ve wanted, wished and felt. I stayed, and things have greatly improved, but they never would’ve if I hadn’t witnessed the change in her. I think there was a lot of denial on her part that she hurt me as badly as she did. When she could no longer deny how much hurt her actions wrought she changed. Her apologies were no longer hollow. And that was terribly hard for me, revealing how wounded, vulnerable, I actually am. I’m never going to say I’m glad it happened cause I’m not. But I acknowledge that changes on my part were more important having lived through the bad, and thinking about how much worse things could have been. I’m glad I stayed. I’m glad she changed.

]]> By: Dennis https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-130428 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 02:41:29 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-130428 In reply to Sue.

Wow, this happened to me. My wife was extremely remorseful about her 6 week affair and told me way more details that I really wanted to hear, but our marriage strenghened and we have been married 49 years now and the affair happened 40 years ago. And you do never totally get over it.

]]> By: Doug Perkett https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-126943 Tue, 11 Sep 2018 19:11:31 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-126943 In reply to ED.

Hi, Ed … I can relate completely. I feel like I missed out on being married to someone who truly loves me. Looking back, do you wish you had decided to end the marriage and start fresh once your children had grown and on their own?

]]> By: L V https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-126926 Tue, 11 Sep 2018 15:38:14 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-126926 I’m just over 2 years of discovering, and got “The Talk” of “I love you, but I’m not in love with you, anymore.” And “You’re a good man,…. but…”
She has wanted to sweep it under the carpet since our reconciliation and (of course) doesn’t want to talk about it. I get triggers…. still have questions…. and, like a detective, found out things on my own! My intuition and gut have NEVER been wrong, but I’m just supposed to believe the stories she tells me? I’m not stupid! See,… here’s the deal; and I pleaded with her from the beginning of reconciliation. Just tell me everything! Like a book, or story, I want to know everything! Even though painful, I could at least process it and confirm I had never been crazy, or just imagined things, or, as one if her favorites, “over-think things!” But, she’s only admitted to partial things happening in this douche canoe’s truck! I know other things happened, and even recovered photos and texts, but she refuses to talk and accused me of just picking at the scab; saying we moved to get away from the bad memories and to just make new ones together. I like that idea, but still need to know. I’m just wired that way! Images of things I’m pretty sure happened haunt me! She’s said she has no explanation for it (lasted about 6 months) and was just vulnerable and badly influenced by a new female friend who ENCOURAGED IT! She says she just felt possessed! Now tell me,…who, being possessed, as it were, has the will power to never go all the way!? I don’t think so! She’s very good at deflecting and tries to quickly change topics, shoot me down, or go into the whole… how many times do I have to swear. See, I notice everything and have always been right. My kids hated that. I always knew when something was wrong. I saw her change before my eyes…. after 15 years. She said the douche bag who knew she was married, just wooed her when she needed to be wooed! I also envision doing terrible things to him!! It’s normal and I won’t apologize. But he’s such a coward and douche, that his ass could get kicked daily and he’d never have an epiphany! But it would make me feel better! It was soooo uncharacteristic for her and she’s been the love of my life. I’ve never experienced pain to this degree in my life and I’m sure I have PTSD from it! I’m plagued with nightmares still. I try to get her to talk but she clams up. I love her and try to tell her no matter what she says, I’m not going anywhere….I forgive her….I love her…. but I NEED AFFIRMATION and confirmation. Am I only making it worse to keep demanding to “talk it out?” We are fine and seem very much in love, but am I doing more harm than good!? ??

]]> By: ED https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-120972 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 16:11:18 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-120972 In reply to Doug.

That’s the rub. I can’t regret the father-daughter dances, camping with the boys, sports, birthdays, graduations, the closeness I have with my children, but now that “it’s over” in the sense that we’re in our 60’s and the family raising years are behind us, there is a lingering sadness and regret.
If I had never known, it would be so easy to love her and feel an unalloyed warmth toward her. But, there he is. There are the lies. There is the mystification of the good Doctor’s question: “how could she?” It’s not hard to imagine a woman being done with me, but, in a sense, I feel that she gambled with my children’s health and safety and risked their futures on nothing.
I guess I’m morning the love that never was, and I am talking about true physical intimacy and joy.
I feel like I was robbed by a stranger who took advantage of a damaged soul at a moment of weakness. I was fortunate in my youth to know many lovely girls and women, but I would never have broken a family. I would never have engaged in sneaking around just to get laid. There are enough single and divorced women in the world that you don’t need to destroy a family.
Plus there’s the “male” stuff. Even after all this, there were always women. I rejected the opportunities. I knew I could never practice deceit successfully, and, frankly, my self-confidence was so low that I didn’t feel like I was the lover I once imagined myself to be.
Now, it’s over and can’t be undone. That makes me very, very sad.

]]> By: Doug https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/22/how-long-will-the-pain-last/#comment-118240 Fri, 20 Oct 2017 16:32:51 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=15#comment-118240 In reply to Ed B..

Hi, Ed B … Eighteen years ago my wife had a year-long affair with someone she met at work. She signed the house over to me and had to start working full-time. Our kids were aged 2 and 9 at the time. My circumstances seem very similar to yours. I reconciled with my wife only because I didn’t want to be a part-time father and didn’t want anyone else raising my kids. I realized a few years ago that I will never be able to just forget what happened and, like you, there will be times every day when it will haunt me and have a difficult time being close with her. I guess what I’m trying to say is … Do you regret staying with your wife once your kids were grown? I truly believe she no longer loves me and have a hard time imagining what it would be like to start over at 55.

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