Holiday Tip #9: Encouraging Your Children

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 12:00:36 +0000

If you take your role as a parent seriously you are concerned about the welfare of your children during a martial crisis. Children know, don’t they? They feel it. The conflict soaks into their body and they carry it with them.

And, we as thoughtful parents, have a difficult time when our children suffer. We suffer because we believe they suffer. We often remember our suffering as a child, at some level, and do not want our children to experience the pain.

And so, we frequently want to protect and shield them. And, during the Holiday Season we want our children to have a joyful time and remember it with warmth, even if mom and dad are not having such a wonderful time.

To alleviate this pressure, focus on the coping skills your children are developing. We CAN”T escape conflict and pain. It is ever before us. It begins at birth and continues until we die. The contrast of life – the good, the bad – the joy, the sorrow – the successes, the failures – is ever before us.

We learn, we grow, we evolve (hopefully) as a result of those contrasts. That’s what your children are doing. Building a feathered nest for them will only cripple them later in life.

Reflect on how each child copes. Take some time to list 5-10 strengths for each child. Spend some time during the Holiday Season encouraging those strengths and skills.

Extramarital Affairs Make Some Stronger

Dr. Bob Huizenga — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 12:00:15 +0000

In this blog, we hear from a woman devastated by her husband’s extramarital affair. Although the relationship is not yet healed, she knows that regardless of what lies in store for her future, she will hold her head high with pride and courage, knowing that she has made decisions based on integrity and the best interest of her children. Check out her story:

“I cried for what seemed like forever… but at the end of the day, I realized my kids needed me now more than ever. I cried while I drove my car and they were in the back in their car seats… I cried when they went to bed at night, and I cried to my family and friends. If it weren’t for them, I don’t know how I would have made it through. Of course, the affair took it’s course and now he is back trying to repair the marriage. Unfortunately, I haven’t decided yet if it is repairable as his actions at times are questionable. He still makes himself his priority but I know inside now, that this affair has made me stronger. I know that if he wants this marriage and to keep his family together, he needs to know that we can survive without him. I will no longer take a back seat (or my kids) to his social life if that is what he wants then he can have it, w/o me or the kids. If he wants his marriage (which I am willing to repair if he can overcome his selfishness w/o me having to tell him so) then we can work on it. But, now I know whether it be this marraige or a future relationship, I deserve just as much if not more than a man gives himself… Selfishness on his part lost the respect of many people close to him. If we decide to part ways, I know I can hold my head high and be proud that I maintained my marriage vows, and that he chose his own selfish needs over his wife and children’s. Sad but true. Good luck to us all, it is emotionally heart wrenching, but we will survive and make it through each day. I do recommend reading by Anne Bercht “My husband’s affair was the best thing that ever happened to me”, she gets the emotions of being betrayed exact.”

infidelity and children – Break Free from the Affair

Holiday Tip #9: Encouraging Your Children

Extramarital Affairs Make Some Stronger