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	<title>get to know you &#8211; Break Free from the Affair</title>
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	<description>How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs.</description>
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		<title>Holiday Tip #11: Get to Know You</title>
		<link>https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/21/holiday-tip-11/</link>
					<comments>https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/21/holiday-tip-11/#respond</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Bob Huizenga]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:00:41 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Dr. Huizenga's Blog Posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Coping During the Holidays]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[get to know you]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal needs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Surviving Infidelity]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=286</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[11. Get to know you. Use the Holiday Season to get in touch with the real you. So much of our pain is often focused externally; what our spouse is doing, not doing; what we are getting or not getting &#8230; <a href="https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2010/12/21/holiday-tip-11/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
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<p><strong>11. Get to know you.</strong></p>
<p>Use the Holiday Season to get in touch with the real you. So much of our pain is often focused externally; what our spouse is doing, not doing; what we are getting or not getting from him/her. So much of our pain is focused on our lack and our personal needs not being met by him/her/them. Much of that we CANNOT control. And so <a href="https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2013/04/23/affair-and-recovery-of-self-respect/">we feel helpless</a>, which augments our pain.</p>
<p>Make a shift. Take some intentional time to know you. Here&#8217;s a specific exercise.</p>
<p>Make a list of your top 5 <a href="https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2012/12/12/emotional-distance-in-a-marriage-personal-needs-and-frustration/">personal needs</a>. A full list in the form of the &#8220;Needless Program&#8221; is available after you fill out the survey for this article. Spend a few days during the Holiday Season completing the &#8220;Needless Program.&#8221;</p>
<p>Define your standards. A standard is an action or behavior you hold yourself to because that is the kind of person you are.</p>
<p>Take some time each day to complete this sentence:</p>
<p>I am someone who_________________________________________.</p>
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