postpass2 Comments on: This 3 Step Awareness Helps You Move From Reactivity to Power in Marriage https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/ How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs. Mon, 13 May 2019 01:58:20 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.8 By: Lynn https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-135403 Mon, 13 May 2019 01:58:20 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-135403 In reply to Debbie.

Debbie,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s an emotionally exhausting experience. It’s almost 2.5 years past D-day for me; we live separately and my ‘husband’ is expecting his second child with the OW. I couldn’t have children so this is extremely hurtful. That said, I’m looking after me. Through my Catholic faith and the solid advice of Dr. Huizenga and Linda & Doug, I have learned to live again and know I will be just fine come what may. My husband is the one with the problem, not me. But I pray for him every day. I even pray for the OW. Forgiveness is a moment by moment decision most days. I still have angry moments but they are fewer now. I’m actively learning new skills, meeting new friends, embracing life. I wasted *so much* time and emotion on a man who can’t or won’t commit to me. I remain open to God’s will for my marriage, but I intend to enjoy life in the meantime. Please look after you. Pamper yourself. Exercise. Take up archery…trust me, it’s therapeutic. Hang in there. You are strong; you survived cancer. You will survive this too. ((Hugs))

]]> By: Debbie https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-135389 Sun, 12 May 2019 15:28:54 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-135389 In reply to Lynn.

Lynn
I agree I’ve been with my husband for 40 years got him through dental school and had 4 children. One passed away at 13 and we got through it and had two more beautiful children. I found out 6 months ago but he was having an affair with his assistant for awhile. As soon as I found out he turned off like a light switch. No more anything and left the bedroom I am having a really hard time. But if cancer hasn’t taken me down this shouldn’t. Today is mother’s day and he’s not even here. Hopefully I can move forward in what I need to do.

]]> By: W https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-128521 Tue, 23 Oct 2018 14:55:29 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-128521 Jay & DD,

I am in the same boat and could really benefit from hearing from either/both of you. Not sure how to facilitate the connection. Thanks.

]]> By: DD https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-122344 Thu, 22 Mar 2018 20:03:20 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-122344 In reply to Jay.

Thanks Jay! I forgot about my post. I have hoping to talk to someone like you for a long time.

I will get right to it then. I can provide you a phone number to call. This will allow you to keep yours confidential. I am on EST. What time of day is easier for you?

]]> By: Jay https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-122311 Thu, 22 Mar 2018 00:19:15 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-122311 In reply to DD.

I’m a male BS myself, would be ok with communicating, I realize this post is a few months old.

It’s hell but it does get better. Hang in there!

]]> By: DD https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-118946 Wed, 22 Nov 2017 03:15:18 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-118946 Is there any male BS out there now who are surviving and can talk to me? I am 9 months from DD and am having a difficult time right now.

]]> By: Lynn https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-116634 Tue, 15 Aug 2017 18:25:13 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-116634 In reply to Beth.

Thanks, Beth!

]]> By: Beth https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-116604 Mon, 14 Aug 2017 16:58:47 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-116604 In reply to Lynn.

It is all just so hard for those of us who are the ones that are betrayed. I feel like I have had to endure such craziness in my situation–briefly–married 31 years, 6 months ago found out he has been having an affair for 2 years, she divorced her husband for mine, they are now living together and they are getting ready to move in to one of our houses (we have two places that we were living in during the different seasons) but he still wants to remain married to me only for Business purposes (we have multiple businesses that will be very complicated to split apart). We did start spending some time together again only for her to find out and put the end to that. He gave me a very bad STD as well during that time. But despite all of this, I am continuing to heal and move to a better place. Bob’s eight stages was very helpful and eye opening for me because even though our relationship has not really made progress in him ending the affair and wanting to reconcile, I have made a lot of progress personally. Bob’s types of affairs also has helped me see what he is doing and that I am not to blame for his choices. I try every day to do something positive for myself, for my family (we have two daughters who are out of college), for my business, and around whatever house I happen to be living in at the time (he keeps making me change houses as well). That is what keeps me going every day and not thinking about what they are doing together because I know that they are two unhealthy people in an unhealthy relationship and that will never make either of them happy. Hang in there, stay positive even in your darkest days/hours/minutes and know that there are a lot of people who care about you.

]]> By: Lynn https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-116602 Mon, 14 Aug 2017 15:45:42 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-116602 In reply to Carmen.

Thanks, Carmen! I am beginning to focus on myself instead of him and the ‘why’; I feel more in control, though there are hard days. My husband of 14 years began his affair in October, told me in January, and moved out in June (would have sooner if he could have afforded it). The affair is still ongoing, though he did end it in April and again in June only to return to her. The OW is giving him rent money. He says he needs space to figure out if he can trust me enough (!!) to be emotionally vulnerable with me and return to our marriage. I feel I’m being played. Now I’m wondering if I should pursue a formal separation agreement (he still has keys to the house), but am not sure that’s the best course of action. He has been coming over each week to help with house renovations; sometimes it seems we’re making progress toward reconciliation and then he spends time with the OW and becomes distant toward me. It pains me to read comments about two-year affairs, yet many couples recover. I feel hurt and hopeless much of the time, and feel like giving up. But my faith tells my heart to hang in there and bear this cross. Logically I know Dr. Huizenga is right that this too shall pass, but at the moment it seems that it never will.

]]> By: Mandy https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/08/17/what-gets-triggered-in-me/#comment-114137 Wed, 03 May 2017 10:44:04 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=54#comment-114137 In reply to Carmen.

Carmen your attitude is inspirational. I got back with my husband 2 years ago and am struggling. Trying to talk gets us nowhere and draws attention to her. I feel myself becoming more and more bitter. Thank you

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