Comments on: Will I Ever Trust Again?

By: patricia gagliardi

patricia gagliardi — Mon, 18 Feb 2019 18:51:13 +0000

My husband had a emotional affair with a girl half his age, he’s 65! The same age as his oldest daughter! I gave him my trusts for forty five years, I found out this pass June by seeing 100 of texts on his phone back and forth between him and her. I know I will never forgive him or trust him again. We are working on the marriage and it’s moving along, but I still get very emotional and have triggers when the thought of his actions pop into my head for no reason. So yes I agree I will never feel I can trust him again!!!

By: Seenthelight

Seenthelight — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 17:27:27 +0000

I had been raised with the saying “Honesty is the best policy”. I made this perfectly clear to my husband before we got married and went so far as to give exact behaviors that I considered acceptable and unacceptable. We discussed all of this before we married and after we married, he agreed that these were appropriate in order to have a good marriage. Including the agreement that if either of us “slipped” up, it needed to be confessed and de died what WE needed to do. Needless to say, every agreement we made, whether regarding cheating or anything else he wanted to do was broken and lied about. All coming to agreement about boundaries etc. did was help him with his deceptions and gaslighting over the years (24 at least). When he cheated and I felt something was “off” he did his lying and gaslighting, even gaslighting to the point of tarnishing a friend’s reputation when they tried to tell me of his cheating. Once he confessed DDay #1, I knew I didn’t want him any more, he knew the consequences before we married, before he cheated, before he lied and gaslighted. It is now 4-1/2 years since DDay #1 and I don’t regret the decision. I have no desire to have another relationship and I do not intend to trust anyone again like I did him. It has been a long, long road to get close to feeling like the old me and I am not going to allow that to happen to me again.

By: Carol Kauffman

Carol Kauffman — Tue, 06 Nov 2018 14:43:20 +0000

In reply to Carolyn McConaughey.

Can’t say what to do but here’s what I did: 1)started preparing for a separation by looking at apts and consulting a lawyer, bringing home paperwork about finances, etc. so I could quickly file if I caught him cheating/lying again 2) maintained my cool (ok- I admit I lost it a few times, 3) didn’t back down. Kept calling him out for the least little infraction (e.g. thumbing thru my Venus catalogue; googling attractive news anchors on TV, etc. (This after affairs, one night stands, 3 comes, porn addiction, lap dances, etc. In other words, he got better and better as time wore on. Now, 8 years later, he’s “sober” and for the most part, we’re good.
Only you can decide when you’ve had enough. If I were to do it over again, I would have gotten tougher sooner. Good luck. You deserve a happy, peaceful life!!

By: Carolyn McConaughey

Carolyn McConaughey — Mon, 05 Nov 2018 22:23:37 +0000

You may say the trust can be restored if both partners work together but what do you do when you cheating lying husband never really admits to doing anything wrong/that what he did do was wrong and considered cheating(flirting with other women, secretly calling and texting other women then deleting then so no one would find out, secretly meeting other women, taking them to dinner or going to their house, being physical(not not sexual he claims), kissing them, touching them intimately, sending indecent pictures of each other,etc. all while he was married to me; all this I have proof of but he constantly says “Get over it, it’s done and over” and “I am sorry I won’t do anything like that again” but again I find out he has. It started February 2017 and the last time was in April 2018. Maybe more after that don’t know cause now he has been locking his phone and his vehicle. I don’t know what to think anymore

By: De. MARROW

De. MARROW — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 12:29:53 +0000

In reply to Doug.

2016, I discovered the love of my life had been unfaithful with 5 different men during our union. Trust….there is no trust….faith…i have faith in the Lord for showing me her true self. I once heard someone say if a person show you there true being…believe them!!!… I think about it daily there’s not a day that goes by that it doesn’t cross my mind all the lies all the deceit all the con artist ways I have been destroyed but I’m on the rebound I found myself alone this journey and as the days go by I get stronger and stronger we left the city for which she used to date these men and moved 75 plus miles away to start anew however how can you call it a new when you roll over in bed and you see the same demon that did these things to you I feel like it’s just been a waste of time 12 years of waste of time

By: Survivor

Survivor — Fri, 01 Sep 2017 14:42:57 +0000

The pain does not go away! It’s a death sentence to ever trust anyone or love again. counseling didn’t do anything but give the liar a place to fake more lies! Even the counselor believed him but he kept up lies, deception and was telling women he was divorced! Once a liar always a liar. Shame on me for believing that this would pass

By: dianah

dianah — Tue, 16 May 2017 03:51:05 +0000

In reply to Doug.

Doug, I think we all pretty much feel that way (if the betrayal hadn’t happened we could have had a good marriage). But TRUTH is we married disordered people so it could Never have happened (even for them with someone else). My husband lived a secret life for 36yrs bfore it got revealed & I lived w him everyday!! Trust always starts w oneself. You will never trust her so continue healing and Know you can always Trust you. If you already cannot see a future (long term/TRUST THAT) it is your gut saying to you-you cannot see the happiness your soul is longing for. I too am in that place. 41/2 yrs later he is Still Blaming me for his actions…I’m not buying that story & its just his Own sickness playing out since he did zip/zero to deal with his addictions. I plan MY Future based on what I will need & want to Add to my hard earned healing & happiness (as well as it can be after having all I believed to be my life, my love & my family ripped up from the roots). I want to forgive–I finally found that place. I don’t need too in this particular circumstance. I only had to ACCEPT that in life there will be Hero’s & there will be Pharoh’s. Either way…Salvation, Freedom & Life is a GIFT! Why waste it looking back to something that is already gone? You did not Choose to kill it but you certainly have the CHOICE to CHANGE course and find happiness with someone who has Equal Integrity!

By: Doug

Doug — Mon, 15 May 2017 18:22:42 +0000

For me, it’s been 17 years since my wife’s affair. After 12 years of marriage and two young daughters, she left us to be with someone she met at work and initiated divorce proceedings saying she wanted to marry the other man within a year after our divorce was final. Nearly a year later and within five days of our divorce being final, she decided she wanted to come home. Not wanting to become a part-time father or have someone else have a hand raising my kids, I decided to take her back. I initially thought the memories would just fade after a time but that hasn’t happened. I still think about it everyday and finally realized a few years ago that trust and closeness with my wife cannot and will never be the same. Now that my daughters are nearly grown, I’m having troubles imagining that rest of my life with her and feel like I missed out on what could have been a really good marriage.

By: Namma K

Namma K — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 03:57:57 +0000

In reply to Scott. I applaud you for being able to treat your spouse with love and respect even though she is obviously not loving and respecting you in return. I am trying to do that with my spouse, who had a 10 year affair along with numerous other infidelities over the years. How do you keep the resentment and cynicism at bay? I feel I have half a marriage. Suggestions for staying positive and warm?

By: Carol Kauffman

Carol Kauffman — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 03:57:27 +0000