postpass2 Comments on: How to Get Rid of the Pain https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/ How to Survive Infidelity and Extramarital Affairs: Find the Help, Advice and Coaching Your Marriage Needs. Fri, 24 Jun 2016 05:03:48 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.8.8 By: Vic https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-108161 Fri, 24 Jun 2016 05:03:48 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-108161 In reply to Barry.

I am exactly in the same position, I cannot afford the children to see the carnage. She still denies it.

]]> By: Tina https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-105556 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 09:51:33 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-105556 I found out about my husbands affair on December 15, 2014. I was devastated and couldn’t believe he was capable of such an act. It went on for a good year and had ended a few weeks before because she was sick of being alone on the weekends (!?). He practically lived with her in her apartment when he was abroad in the city where she lived but always came home on the weekend to our two daughters and me (with one exeption when he took a trip with her to Dubai by extending his business trip there). After I found out he said he would do anything to save our marriage but unfortunately he was unable to stop thinking of her and contacted her again pretty much declaring his love for her in a “private email account” he set up just for that purpose. He did this just two weeks after D-day while I was having a nervouse breakdown and although he was always by my side apologizing for hurting me so much. He told many lies in the next months about the affair, about how it started, how serious it had become and how it ended. I cannot describe the extent of my pain from this whole ordeal. Although we have found moments of utter happiness together the pain and reminder of the two of them always returns, tormenting my thoughts and breaking my heart. I feel I will be unable to get past this which makes me very sad because we have been together for 21 years and married for almost 16. He is also sick of my recurring anger and sadness and questioning. I mentioned last night that it is probably best for both of us to give up and move on. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life with a man I have not been able to begin to trust again, whom I always assume is hiding something from me and then made to feel awful when I question his integrity. I am scared of my future without him because he has been so long a part of it but I also cannot bear the pain I feel every time I see him and picture him having loved another woman with so much passion…

]]> By: Ann https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-105496 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 00:50:49 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-105496 If anyone knew what would happen if they had an affair, then maybe it would not happen. The devistation is so huge. Our society does not train for this.It is so hugely hard to get over, like a death.

]]> By: Britney https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-105470 Sun, 13 Mar 2016 01:03:36 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-105470 The pain is unreal. I’m spook tired of this pain. It’s been two years and I still wake up at nite with horrible thoughts of the affair.

]]> By: Kubat https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-103007 Mon, 14 Dec 2015 13:38:59 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-103007 Having been confronted with the afifar by my wife my first response was to wonder what place she was in to think this was necessary. I suppose that was an immediate forgiveness. However what followed was a prolonged wind down of the afifar (but only email and keeping in touch) which I’m not sure is even now still over. This is more painful and damages the trust by prolonging the deceit and lies after discovery. For me this is more difficult to deal with as it is contempt for the love and understanding shown at and after discovery.Maybe we can get over this but trust is hard to earn once lost after 30 years of being together without problems. I think more damage is done after the afifar by the way it is handled by the offending spouse than anything else.Sometimes Forgiveness and seeds fall on stoney ground.

]]> By: Pete https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-87594 Mon, 27 Jul 2015 16:46:58 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-87594 It’s been a year later and several counseling sessions later, several talks later I still feel extremely suspicious of my wife’s behavior I still don’t know if she told me everything and I still don’t know what she’s keeping from me either. Nor do I feel like I can trust what she has said to me, the only way I’d think or know she was being honest is by taking a polygraph test it’s too much, the anxiety is real and it doesn’t end. If there was a way I could know the truth decision making would be much easier. we’ve been married 6 years and this has been going on for 5. If I knew what the intent was or the full truth about things. I will still love my wife if she fails the test but sadly I could not remain married because deception and lying is too much. If you knew you had issues with this and I knew you had issues with these things we should have never gotten married. Though I am 34 I will never enter another relationship again. If I can’t trust my own wife from doing things who the hell can I trust? No thanks. If we were just dating this decision would be extremely easy for me I’d say get lost. I am torn inside because I thought I knew her well enough before we got married. I feel like I’m going to vomit

]]> By: Lucia https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-5240 Tue, 30 Oct 2012 01:57:59 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-5240 In reply to Petra from South Africa.

Hi
You sound like I am now. It has been 12 months. I am so stuck in the pain mode. His infidelity was unbelievable Have you gotten rid of the pain? It has been 3 years since you posted. What did you do?

]]> By: jason bridges https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-142 Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:15:17 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-142 This pain is real alright, I loved my partner with all my soul, we had an amazing relationship and great 9yr old son, we had everything, which included financial and personal, we were very close, and enjoyed an amazing sex life, then i found out she had been sleeping with her boss for 11 months !, both denied it at first then the truth came out, we are still together and this only happened 5 weeks ago but i am so in pain, i have interogated her over and over and now know all the facts including the painful ones, the thought of them two together kills me, i got my revenge on him, i told his wiofe who then left him, he lost his job as well so he paid alright, my partner dropped him like a stone when i found out and has been as devastated as me ???, she has remained by my side prepared to do whatever it takes, during this time it has been discovered that she was extremely sexually abused as a young girl, i have convinced her to go to police which we have now done, i think finding this issue out has gave me some answers to why she seeked male attraction, am i being silly to think this could be the reason as its the only reason i can find ?

]]> By: Patrice https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-141 Tue, 13 Apr 2010 02:58:22 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-141 I know how you feel! My husband talked for 18 years about how horrible it was that men would risk everything just for sex. And then he did the very think he railed against! I cannot sleep, eat, or breathe without thinking about what the two of them did! It consumes every facet of my life! I can’t even be a mother to the kids that mean more to me than life it’s self! I want to crawl into a hole in the fetal postion until the pain and images go away! Time is not helping

]]> By: Ed https://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/2009/07/23/survivng-infidelity-how-to-get-rid-of-the-pain/#comment-140 Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:43:13 +0000 http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/blog/?p=17#comment-140 I just found out my wife of 21 years had an affair, back in 1992 she was “feel in love” with a coworker they didn’t have sex, but they did kiss in his car twice I tried to get over that to get over it but over the next 10 years I was very suspicious of her she rarely ever wanted to have sex maybe once after her cycle, then we go weeks or months without it. That brings me to her affair that ended two years ago. I noticed she had called this man and questioned her about it. She said he wanted to have coffee and she knew what that meant. So she said she ended the friendship then I noticed she called him 5 months later. she said she just wanted to see what he was up to. Well come to find out, she was not afraid of having lots of sex with him, she did things with him she would never do with me, I don’t even no who this woman was. I would like some help dealing with feelings of being betrayed, humiliated its been over for two years, she said that she would rather take it to her grave than cause all this pain I believe her but I didn’t the first time it happen,please help.

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